Chapter 18
18
Kate’s morning had gone well, and as she headed for lunch with Jamie, she marvelled to herself at just how different the other patients were to Cooper. Was it because of how she felt about him? The other patients were so different to work with, to talk to. When she was around Cooper, she felt more aware of her own body, her own feelings and reactions to him. It reminded her of when she was at school, in science class. The teacher would give them a magnet and a pot of what looked like fine pencil lead shavings. They would pour the black filings onto a white piece of paper, put the magnet underneath. Suddenly, the pile would react, take shape. It moved with the magnet, standing up, like the hairs on the back of her neck did when he touched her hand. From nothing, it changed into something beautiful, and that’s just how she felt. Beautiful. Changed. She just had to get through the next few months, steer Jamie through the storm, and sail off into the sunset. Hopefully Thomas Cooper would want to be on the boat when it set sail. Every ship needs a Captain, after all. For the first time in years, she could choose what happened. Be truly happy, in every part of her life. She still had Jamie, her career. It didn’t look anything like she thought life would post- divorce, but just maybe she could still pull it off. She just had to make sure Jamie would be happy too.
As she rounded the corner to the cafeteria, she found herself looking for Cooper. Jamie wasn’t here yet, probably finishing off a session with his physio, which had admittedly been going badly. Although Jamie was talking to her now, he still sometimes eyed her with a look of distrust, and Kate wondered what her little boy was thinking behind those watchful eyes. Her heart sank a little when she didn’t spot Cooper, but then, she shouldn’t have expected to see him either. He had decided that keeping a low profile while she spoke to Jamie was for the best, and Kate had to agree with him. She knew her son liked Cooper, but as a boyfriend for his mother? Maybe not so much.
The truth was, since the accident, Jamie was a different child. He had every reason to feel and act as he did, she realised that, but she couldn’t help feeling renewed anger at Neil every time Jamie lashed out in anger. Guilt at herself for not being there. Neil had guilt too, she realised, which was why he’d chosen to run off. He called Jamie, but he should be coming to see him. She wouldn’t have stopped Jamie from seeing his father, but the accident was Neil’s ‘Iraq’. Both parents felt the guilt of that day, in very different ways. Not that any of it helped their son now.
Taking a seat in the cafeteria, she smiled as she saw Jamie coming towards her, being wheeled by a stony-faced therapist, George.
‘Hi,’ Kate said, reaching for the saltshaker subconsciously for something to fiddle with. Jamie didn’t acknowledge her, his eyes cast down at his chair arm.
‘Hi, Kate,’ George said, his Jamaican lilt coming through in his deep velvety tones. ‘Not a good morning for ya’ boy. Two cups thrown at me head this morning.’
Jamie snorted and glared at Kate. She glared back, using her best mum scowl, and Jamie’s face screwed up tighter, his gaze intensifying. Kate’s shoulders sagged as she sighed. She didn’t have it in her to argue with her son this morning. She just wished the moments of frustration would dissipate, and she could have more of him back. Looking at George again, she smiled her best pearly smile. ‘Thank you, George, and sorry. I shall of course be speaking to my son immediately.’ She emphasised the ‘immediately’ and Jamie tutted like the petulant pre-teen he was.
George laughed a low rumble and, putting the chair’s brake on, started to walk away.
‘No worries, man, last week it was three. All progress is progress, no matter how small the victory.’ He laughed again as he grabbed a tray in the lunch line. Kate turned her attention back to Jamie.
‘What’s wrong, sweetheart? You can’t treat people like that, Jamie, and you know it. George, everyone, we’re just trying to help.’
He flinched at her words. ‘I don’t see the point in being nice, Mum. They make me work every day, for what? I’m never going to walk again, am I? You know that. So why do this every day? I wish they would just leave me alone. I want to go back to school, to my friends.’
Kate wanted to break down and cuddle him like a baby right then and there, but she held fast.
‘No, you won’t walk again, that’s true, my darling, and I’m sorry. But you can’t give up. You are not a quitter, do you hear me? This therapy is about keeping your body healthy, keeping you active, so you don’t waste away in that chair. Your life is not over, Jamie.’ Her voice raised a little too high at the end, and her son locked eyes with her. She spoke again, gentler this time.
‘Jamie, I know that you have been through an awful thing, and that it’s not fair, but we are alive, and we are together, we have to find some happiness. You will always have me, I will never leave your side again, till you want me to. And then I will be right behind you, cheering you on.’
‘Really?’
The question surprised her.
‘Of course.’
‘You won’t leave, like Dad did?’
The question almost felled her.
‘No, never. Dad… Dad didn’t leave you, honey. I didn’t want to be with him any more, and I guess he’s mad at me. The accident, well the accident upset him too.’ Her eyes narrowed on his face. ‘Do you not talk to Dad about this stuff?’
He shook his head. ‘He says he loves me, and he’s busy working but he’ll come when he can. You’re not going to leave again?’ he checked.
‘No Jamie, I’m not. I won’t lie to you either. I will always tell the truth, when I can. Okay? It’s you and me, bud, that will never change.’
He nodded, and a real, honest to goodness smile lit up his face. She grinned back, hoping what she had to say next wouldn’t wipe it away.
She pushed aside the saltshaker, reaching for his hand across the table. He was warm to the touch, and she squeezed his fingers gently.
‘I have something to tell you,’ she started.
‘Is it about you and Dad, or you and Cooper?’ he asked, his face neutral. Kate suddenly felt like a naughty teenager, caught by her father kissing behind the bike sheds, but she continued.
‘Well, it’s about both, but they’re separate things. Dad and I are divorced now, the papers have come through. You understand what that means, right?’
‘It means you won’t be fighting any more.’
Wow. That felt like a slug to the chest. This poor kid deserved so much better.
‘Right. Well, you know I went to our old house the other day, to get our things? The agent told me that the house is going to be sold soon, so I thought we should think about getting our own place. Separate from here. Somewhere you can move around in your chair really easily, just like here. A new home.’
‘And will Cooper be coming to live with us?’ he asked, again, holding back no punches. Kate blanched a little at the question.
‘Why would you think that?’ she asked, realising that her son already knew more than she thought. She didn’t give him enough credit for how grown up he was. She tried to tell herself it was only a good thing, but she knew his childhood had been accelerated far too much recently.
‘I think he likes you,’ Jamie said, reaching for the saltshaker as his mother had. ‘I know he does, actually. I think you like him too. You aren’t as sad any more.’
Kate glanced around the thankfully quite busy and noisy cafeteria, and was satisfied that no one was listening in.
‘Well, Cooper and I do like each other, but right now we’re just friends. Would you mind if we were more than friends, later on?’
Jamie shook his head. ‘No, I like him, Mum. He makes me laugh.’
Kate flushed with colour and, getting up slowly, she went to her son’s chair, kneeling beside him.
‘When did you grow up, eh?’ He grinned at her, and she savoured every second of it. ‘It’s still you and me, okay? Nothing has to change till you’re okay with it.’
He nodded, a sly grin creeping in. ‘Does that mean I don’t have to do physio if I don’t want to?’
She laughed, kissing him on the cheek. ‘Nice try, but no. Let’s get you some lunch, before George comes to take you back.’ He groaned, and the normality of his pre-teen grumbling warmed her heart.
He was still eating lunch when Cooper came in, coming over to them when Kate gave him a little nod.
‘Hey,’ he said, pushing himself into the spot next to her chair. ‘Good day?’
Jamie shot him a little grin. ‘Yeah. Mum says we’re moving soon, but I get my own ramp, and I can decorate my bedroom just how I want it.’
‘She did, huh? That sounds awesome. How did physio go?’
Jamie’s face was comical. ‘It sucked.’
‘Yeah,’ Cooper agreed. ‘It does suck, pal. Stick at it though, eh? Then maybe you can come to the gym with me.’
‘Can I?’ He looked to his mum for permission. She raised her hands, laughing.
‘Hey, you’re all grown up now. If you want to, I think that would be great.’
George came over then, and Kate could see he was steeling himself for Jamie’s reaction.
‘You ready to go back?’
Cooper leaned forward, holding out a fist. Jamie bumped it. ‘You got this, kid. Go kick some ass, and I’ll come play video games later. Deal?’
Jamie high-fived him. ‘Deal. Bye, Mum!’
The pair of them watched him push himself out of the cafeteria, George’s surprised gaze before he turned to follow him out.
‘He seems brighter. Everything go okay?’
To her horror, a tear started to roll down her face. ‘Yeah, it did. Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying, but… yeah, I think it’s going to be good. He grew up when I wasn’t looking.’ She sniffed then, holding back a sob.
‘Hey, it’s okay! I’m here, Missy.’ The use of her pet name, once so annoying, made her smile through her tears. ‘I’m here.’ Cooper pulled her closer, putting her head into the crook of his neck. One hand stroked her back, the other ran through her hair. He murmured something under his breath, and Kate didn’t quite catch it.
‘What?’ she whispered numbly. He looked shocked for a moment, and shook his head.
‘It’s nothing. You okay?’ As usual, he had a good read on her. Knew she’d be embarrassed at the show of emotion.
‘Yeah, I’m good. I’d better get back. My patient will be waiting.’ She pulled away from him, but he stopped her.
‘Kate, I’m here. Remember that. If you want me, I am here.’ Kate nodded, standing up. Turning around, she saw Trevor in the doorway, stony-faced. Knew he’d just witnessed them together.
‘Dr Harper, in my office when you have a minute, please,’ he said, his tone clipped, monotone before he turned and left. Cooper cursed under his breath.
‘Looks like the cat might be out of the bag.’ He brushed her hand as he passed her. ‘Come find me later.’
Kate knocked on the door to Trevor’s office. A curt ‘come in’ saw her walking into the room, fists clenched with nerves at her side. Trevor had his back to her, standing in front of the window behind his desk. Kate stood there, not wanting to take a seat till he spoke.
Neither moved. A strange standoff, Kate staring steadfast at his ramrod straight back. The door swished closed behind her, and he sighed. Kate was just wishing for an earthquake, or an alien abduction when he turned to face her. His face was closed off, not the friendly, happy Trevor she was used to.
‘Kate, what’s going on?’ He pointed to her tear-stained face. ‘Why were you crying?’
Kate huffed with relief. Maybe he didn’t see anything. ‘I am so sorry, Trevor, it will not happen again. I had a big chat with Jamie, I got a little emotional. I’ll be sure to do it in private in future.’
‘I didn’t ask that Kate, I want to know what’s going on? I thought you were getting on better?’
‘We were, we are – I just had to tell him some news, I was just worked up about it.’
‘And what news is that?’ Trevor asked, his jaw flexing.
‘Well, it’s personal actually, Trevor.’
Trevor ran his fingers through his hair, sitting down on his chair with a bump. ‘Personal? Since when do we have secrets from each other?’ He looked genuinely hurt.
‘It’s nothing, really. Jamie is doing better. I really think he’s turning a corner.’
He nodded, but the tension didn’t leave him. A sense of dread ran down her spine.
‘That’s good to hear. I understand that you have been under a great amount of stress Kate, and I am here for you,’ he met her eyes for a split second before looking away. ‘I just have to question your choices lately. You don’t speak to me like you used to. And as for your patients, I have concerns.’
Kate stammered, feeling the need to defend herself. ‘My patients are fine; they get my full attention when I’m working with them. I’m a good doctor, despite my change in situation.’
Trevor held up his hand to stop her. ‘I know you’re a good doctor.’
He was going to make her say it? ‘So, what are you referring to, then? I explained that lunch was an isolated incident. Have any of my patients complained?’
‘Kate, no one has complained. It’s you, you’re different. And I believe your objectivity might have been compromised a little.’
‘You’re talking about Cooper.’
He sighed. ‘Yes, and what I just witnessed went beyond a working relationship.’
Her jaw worked, trying to form the words. Her career was very important to her. She’d never crossed a line. She followed orders, worked to the rules. When it came to Cooper though, she couldn’t quite help herself. He’d only been looking out for her in the cafeteria, but things had happened. Hell, half the people at the centre were aware of them. Jamie had worked it out.
‘I won’t need to work with him much longer. You could assign him to a new physio.’
‘Do I need to?’ Trevor checked.
‘Yeah, you probably should. I don’t want to cause any trouble for you, Trevor. I actually think I have a solution though.’
‘Yeah?’
‘I think you should put Cooper with Jamie. They respond to each other, it would still continue the work needed for both of them, and I don’t have to be in the room.’
‘You think they’d both go for that?’
Kate knew they would. ‘Yeah, I do. They push each other. They already spend time together out of session. I can’t get through to Jamie like Cooper can, and he’s patient with Jamie. It cools his temper. Both their tempers.’ She swallowed. ‘They’re going to be in each other’s lives, Trevor. Might as well use it to our advantage in therapy.’
He looked at her for a long moment. ‘I trust you to make the right decisions, Kate.’ He smiled. ‘Captain Cooper, eh?’ He laughed. ‘I never thought I’d see the day when that man was wrapped around someone’s little finger. I’ll make the arrangements.’
‘Thanks. I have a session with him tomorrow. I’ll let him know it’s our last. Thanks, Trevor.’
He waved her off. ‘You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?’ He was smiling when he said it.
‘I know,’ she grinned, heading out of the door. ‘But you love me anyway.’