Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
Claire’s head floated into the clouds, and her body turned to putty in Seth’s hands as she lay on the bed in front of him. Everything—his warmth, his scent, his size—intoxicated her and left her feeling weak in the best way, till her legs were shaking and every nerve ending was on fire.
Was this what it was like to actually be desired?
Because he couldn’t keep his eyes, his hands, his lips off her.
And he refused to let himself finish till she did, even when it was killing him—when he had to slow down and close his eyes, gently kissing her ankle to distract himself, his breaths ragged and slow, like the sight of her could destroy him.
Luckily for him, it didn’t take much to get her there; just knowing she had that effect on him was enough to send her over the edge.
She barely had to touch herself till she was making noises (and saying words) she’d be embarrassed about if any part of her was sensible.
He quieted her with another electric kiss, all tongue, before she could feel him start to go rigid as he groaned into her mouth.
He pulled away and tried to ask, “Where can I…?”
She bit her smile at the pained expression on his face. Seeing him like this made her feel devious. She shut him up with a kiss and tightened her legs around him—not sensible, like she said—but she wanted all of him. It caught him off guard, but gave her exactly what she wanted.
And as they melted together, he kissed her softer. She never wanted him to stop.
“Fuck,” he breathed out, eyes clouded with lust. “I’ve never done it like that… like… you know.”
“What?” she prompted, amused. “Finished inside?”
“Yeah, not without protection. I think I almost passed out.”
It was a new experience for her too, in a different way. She’d never wanted it—needed it—like that.
He winced as he pulled himself from her, and she missed him inside her already.
She was gonna have a hard time concentrating on anything else for a while with that living rent-free in her head.
Probably wasn’t much longer than five minutes they were going at it, and it was easily the best sex she’d ever had.
Seth briefly left the bed to grab her a towel, which was probably (tragically) the most gentlemanly thing anyone had ever done for her, then fell back-first on the bed beside her, his face flushed and satisfied as he regained his breath. “You have no idea how hot you are.”
Suddenly embarrassed, Claire laughed and hid her mouth with her hand. He rolled toward her with that gorgeous, dimpled smile of his. She could hardly believe this man just did her like that.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, laughing too.
“It’s just, we barely even talked about anything. We just… did it.”
“Talking’s overrated sometimes. C’mere.”
He pulled her into his chest, and she rested against his heart, listening to its soft thrum. He ran his fingers along the shape of her ear and pinched softly at the lobe, then brushed her stud earring, as if to memorize it.
Claire stayed in that bliss for several long moments. He was right—they didn’t need to talk. Not yet.
After a few minutes, something familiar and fruity tickled her nostrils, and she leaned up to see an unlit candle on the nightstand on the left side of his bed. Not any candle—her candle. She looked at Seth, who was staring at her with a mix of curiosity and admiration.
“You bought one of my candles,” she stated, mouth agape.
He ran his fingers through her hair. “At the fair. I had to have it. You always make lots of those?”
“Mm-hmm.” She smiled fondly and relaxed back onto his chest, pressing her cheek to his bare skin. “I always sorta dreamed of having my own arts and crafts type shop in the city.”
“Oh yeah? Which city?”
“Any big city. I’ve never been to one before.”
“You’ve never been to a big city?” he asked, aghast, which made her grin.
“Nope. Just admired lots of them through my phone and in the movies.”
He traced his fingertips along her back, leaving a trail of tingles in his wake.
“Well, I’d love to take you to see one. Kansas City would make the most sense, since that’s where I live at the moment, but New York City is on another level.
And people would absolutely buy your candles there. I think they’d buy them anywhere.”
She rolled over and rested her chin on her forearms so she could see his face. “Tell me about it.”
“New York? It’s the greatest city in the world.” He crossed an arm behind his head and stared at the ceiling. “Hard to put into words. You’ve gotta experience it for yourself to get it, but I know you’d love it there, especially with how creative you are.”
“If you love it so much, why’d you really leave?”
His gaze grew distant. “Not all memories are good ones. There were some things I wanted to leave behind. Maybe I needed to. And I guess I was looking to test myself. See if I could adapt to my job in other environments.”
“Like here. The little corner where I grew up.”
“Long way from home, I know. I didn’t exactly plan on branching out of the city, but when I saw this case, I had to go for it. Because of the MO, but also because of Eliza.” He paused. “I wanted to make sure she wasn’t written off as another dead addict.”
His words made her emotional. Now that she’d had him, she never wanted to let go—but she’d have to, wouldn’t she? She checked the digital clock on the nightstand on the right side of the bed. After ten p.m. She and Dillon had an agreement—he wouldn’t tell if she didn’t come home tonight, but…
Reality crept in, and the afterglow of sex began to fade.
As much as she wanted this to be her new life, her actual life was still a living parasite. It still controlled her.
“So, how ’bout it?” he asked. “Think I could ever take you somewhere in the city? Like to a real restaurant, not some diner. I know you have to figure some things out, but…”
He was asking her out. On an actual date. Claire would love to swoon over that, but she couldn’t just go to the city with him.
You have to tell him the truth.
This time, Seth picked up on her change of mood. “What’s wrong? Was that too much?”
Claire swallowed. “I have to tell you something.”
He propped himself up on his elbow. “Okay.”
She shuffled back in the bed and grabbed a pillow to hide her naked body, feeling vulnerable. Seth skimmed his fingertips over her leg. She’d shaved in the shower earlier, fantasizing about the slim chance they might end up here, but she hadn’t actually expected it to happen.
But she felt safe with him. Safer than she’d ever felt with anyone. Even still, her body held onto her anxiety like a fifth limb that would kick her square in the teeth if she dared to tell anyone about the cage, even him.
“It’s about my dad. About my childhood.”
“I’m listening.”
She drew a breath, as though she were about to dive head-first into cold water. “Sometimes, when we’d get in trouble, instead of getting, like, grounded… we’d get put in a cage instead…”
Confusion knitted his brows, and he squinted like it wouldn’t register. Please just believe me. “What kind of ‘cage’?”
“The kind with bars? I don’t know, a cage, Seth,” she snapped, then buried her face in the pillow to hide her shame. She didn’t know how to talk about this, but she hated herself for snapping on him.
When he brushed her arm, she met his honest eyes. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to understand what you’re telling me.”
She tried to tell her damn nervous system that she was safe, but that thing had a mind of its own. “It was in the basement. My memories are fuzzy. I’ve never gone down there unless he put me there, ’cause it’s just… too much. But I know it was there.”
“Okay, and this was like something he had built? Or was it more like a dog cage?”
Colorless memories flitted through her mind. She remembered there were shelves and the stairs leading back up. She remembered the cold metal bars. She remembered the silence.
“Not like a dog cage. More like a cell. It was big, and the bars were thicker. The floor was metal. I could never see all that much. It’d be… dark. Maybe it was like a cage for a big animal.”
“Okay. When did this start?”
“After my mom died, I think. Clementine remembers more, but she won’t talk about it.
She stopped getting in trouble as we got older, but I still would…
” Claire trailed off, unable to look at him.
It felt ridiculous to say out loud; she wouldn’t even blame him if he didn’t believe her.
“He’d put me in there for longer depending on how bad the crime was. ”
“The ‘crime’? You were a child. What crimes could you have committed?”
“Asking too many questions. Giving him attitude. Doing anything he didn’t want me to do. That was when I was younger. When I was older, I… I tried running away a few times. That always got me in the most trouble.”
Seth ran a hand over his mouth and moved to the side of the bed so he could sit upright. His energy shifted—like she’d ignited a fuse—but she was in it now.
“The last time I tried to run away was the worst. I was fourteen, and I’d managed to make it to the outskirts of town.
I was gonna try to hide in the woods then hitchhike to Kansas City, but they caught me.
My dad and Marty. They put me in the cage and hosed me down.
The water was freezing.” Her teeth chattered at the memory.
“There was this cloth over my face, so I couldn’t see anything.
They held me down and… I don’t know which one of them did it.
Probably Marty—my dad always had him do the dirty work.
They sprayed the water on my face through the cloth.
I couldn’t breathe.” Her voice squeaked, and she gripped the pillow tighter.
“They were drowning me. It felt like I was really drowning.”
Seth leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he smoothed his hands over his face and released a slow breath.