Chapter Sixteen
The Blue Lounge back at Glanmore House was quiet, which wasn’t surprising as it was late.
Well, not that late. Back when they’d been bachelors, in the brief time all his brothers had lived together before Emily had become Freddie’s wife, none of them would have been in bed this early.
But in the space of a year, things had changed dramatically.
Of course, his brothers would be with the little families they were building.
Freddie with Arabella, his newborn daughter, and Edward with his two young wards, Peter and Silas.
Lotte would be with one or other of them too, a picture of family happiness that Christopher didn’t fit into.
Or perhaps his brothers were doing things with their wives that Christopher did not want to think about too deeply, especially as he currently was not doing the same with anyone.
He rubbed the back of his neck; maybe the lack of human touch was the source of his tension.
Closing his eyes, he tried to think of someone he could call on, someone discreet who would welcome the distraction as much as he would, but all he could picture was that damned bow and what would have happened if he’d been allowed to pull on it.
Perhaps it wasn’t that either; perhaps he needed to talk to someone who wasn’t Sophia, to get some distance from the woman who was now taking up every waking thought.
He could always go to his club or call on a friend.
It wasn’t so late that his associates would be abed.
Even if they were, they were generally pleased to see him and wouldn’t turn him away.
But any one of those men would expect him to be fun, to suggest doing something that would entertain them.
Not one of them would want to hear that tonight he wanted to talk about himself and the strange feelings building up inside him.
A drink might help, although he was not a big lover of alcohol, not after some of the worse scrapes he had managed to get himself into.
Still, it might quiet the voices that were becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
Pouring himself a large brandy, he smiled at the recollection of Sophia throwing the drink over his legs while tipsy on the library floor.
The night of their engagement was a blur, but he would never forget how adorable she had been in her indignation, especially when she had started talking about gravity.
Her perception of herself as boring was unfathomable.
In the short time he had known her, they had spent most of their time together talking and laughing.
There was never an awkward silence between them, aside from when he made things embarrassing by getting caught staring at her, never a moment when he was with her that he wished he was elsewhere.
She was a lot of fun and why she wanted to tie herself to Robert was completely beyond him.
The amber liquid splashed over his fingers, and he licked it off before using his sleeve to mop up the drops that had spilled onto the table.
Edward would have a conniption if he saw it, but as he wasn’t here Christopher could get away with the minor rebellion.
There was nothing wrong with Robert Harber, not really.
He’d been polite and cordial, aside from his small attack on Christopher, which had been entirely deserved.
But he wasn’t right for Sophia in ways that Christopher couldn’t quite explain.
Not that he’d say anything to her. Whomever Sophia married was her choice and had nothing to do with him.
As he took a sip of his drink, he grimaced.
He was not a fan of brandy, but he was too tired to search for anything else and this would do in an emergency.
Making his way over to the settee, he yelped when he caught sight of a sleeve on the armrest of a large wingback.
The shape quickly revealed itself as Tobias, who must have been in the Blue Lounge the whole time Christopher had been staring aimlessly at the drinks table.
His oldest brother barely moved, no sign that Christopher’s startled gasp amused or annoyed him.
‘I did not realise you were in here,’ he said to Tobias.
A slight inhale. ‘Evidently.’
‘I wanted a nightcap.’ He raised his glass to show Tobias.
Tobias, as was usual, said nothing. Christopher sank down into the settee opposite to Tobias’ chair.
He wouldn’t have searched Tobias out as a confidant; they weren’t close, and Christopher could not tell whether his brother’s almost continuous silence was because he didn’t like his youngest brother all that much or whether there was some other problem Tobias did not want to talk about.
As Tobias wasn’t getting hurriedly to his feet, Christopher took it as a sign that his brother did not object to his presence, and Christopher really did want to speak to someone.
For a while they sat in silence, Christopher staring at the rug in front of him, trying to come up with words to describe how he was feeling, to ask for advice or at least a word or two to make him feel better, without revealing to his older brother anything he might regret.
Instead, he was distracted by the hideous pattern before him.
Objectively, the rectangular piece of rug was an ugly item of decor, but put into this room with its almost otherworldly blueness, it somehow fitted.
‘I went for dinner at the Jacobs’ residence,’ he said eventually, the urge to talk about the events of the evening too strong to ignore. He took a long sip of the brandy, his insides burning as it made its way down his body. ‘I behaved badly.’
Tobias made a gesture with his hand, which Christopher recognised from experience as go on.
‘The man Sophia, Miss Jacobs, wants to marry was there.’
Tobias raised a questioning eyebrow. An understandable gesture given that Christopher was currently Sophia’s betrothed and Christopher hadn’t shared his plan not to go through with the wedding with his brothers.
He and Tobias had never had that discussion about his engagement, the one Tobias had wanted.
The arrival of Mr Hornel’s letter had distracted them.
Christopher did not know if he would have confessed his intentions not to marry Sophia at that meeting.
He was never sure how Tobias would react to things.
However, all his brothers would know it was impossible for him to have fallen in love with a woman he hadn’t known all that long and would understand when that engagement ended.
There had been no need to tell them about the finer details at the time and even now, they need not know everything.
Once it was all over, he would ensure his family knew that they must treat Sophia with the utmost respect; she was not to blame for any of this.
Despite that, he trusted Tobias to keep his secret and not just because the man rarely spoke. In his own steadfast way, Tobias had always supported his younger brothers, and Christopher had no doubt he would continue to do so; whether that was out of family duty or love was to be determined.
‘I have no intention of fighting a duel for her,’ he continued.
‘If that is what you were worried about. I would not bring disgrace to our family in that way. I am quite prepared to let her end the betrothal. Indeed, that has been my intention this entire time, with her full knowledge, I might add. From the start I knew about Robert Harber and it was my suggestion that our engagement might prompt him to come to London to try and win her from me. It was a good plan, or at least I believed so. Only tonight I…’ He lifted the glass and swirled the liquid around, enjoying the way the dim light of the room lit it up.
‘Sophia is one and twenty. She has been expecting a proposal from this Mr Harber for some time, and somehow, seeing him at her parents’ home, having come up to London only because she is now off the market, angered me. ’
Tobias’ other eyebrow rose, which, from his usually stoic brother, suggested he was positively alarmed.
‘I do not understand quite why his arrival has me so riled up,’ Christopher continued. ‘I have been depending on it since the start, because I have no intention of ever marrying.’
Tobias stroked his chin, looking almost as if he would talk but ultimately staying silent.
‘I know Edward and Freddie are happy,’ he said, trying to explain himself, ‘but I would not want to be tied down to one woman.’ Although, come to think of it, he wouldn’t mind tying Sophia down in an entirely different type of scenario.
He shook his head; he could not afford for his mind to wander off in that direction.
‘This Robert Harber thinks me a reckless fool and I do not blame him, for he has heard the rumours about me, most of which are true. I know he is where Miss Jacobs’ heart lies, and I want her to have what she wants.
And of course, it also gives me what I want, which is not to be a married man.
So, I played on my reputation by making myself appear even more addle-pated than my reputation would suggest. It was quite an interesting experiment; I could see his disrespect for me growing with every word I uttered.
I shouldn’t have minded, I care nought for his good opinion, but…
’ He took another sip of his drink, not because he was thirsty but because he did not know how to explain how Mr Harber’s obvious contempt had made his clothes feel too tight for his body.
He’d experienced that sort of look before.
One did not get a reputation for being a jackanapes without seeing the older generation turn their noses up at you from time to time.
It had never bothered him before, but seeing the look of condescension on a man Christopher thought fundamentally flawed had been hard to take.