Chapter Twenty-five
Sitting still on the ride back to Glanmore House was absolute agony.
Christopher was desperate to get out of the carriage and sprint as fast as he could for as long as he could.
He needed to burn off the energy coursing through him.
As running through the streets of London was frowned upon, he managed to refrain from the ungentlemanly behaviour, but it was a Herculean struggle.
His mind was rushing through the last hour in a furious loop, not giving him a moment’s respite: the blanket, the surprise of her lips on his, his desperate response, the words, I have not fallen in love with you.
All of it was a jumble inside him, a riot of emotion that he could not calm.
On top of all that was the news about Robert Harber.
Even though it had been Christopher’s intention for the man to come to London and make his case to Sophia, rage at the man actually doing so, of him sitting there and offering to take Sophia away from him, kept sweeping through him, like a fire that refused to go out.
He’d imagined he would feel relief when it finally happened, but the fury in him was urging him to hunt the man down and ask him to name his seconds.
He smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm, muttering, ‘Idiot,’ over and over again.
Sophia had turned Robert down. She was not going to marry the man who Christopher did not think was worthy of her.
He did not need to be furious about it. He should be feeling worried, because it meant there was no out for him.
Had Sophia realised that? he wondered. Now that there was no alternative, she would have to marry Christopher.
Otherwise it would mean social ruin for her.
From what she had said in the carriage, she did not want to marry him, but surely that could not be the case.
He did not think he was so repellent to her that she would rather be an outcast than his wife, certainly not if that kiss was anything to go by.
By God, he had never experienced anything like that.
Not even when he had been an inexperienced lad, desperate to know what it was like to kiss a girl.
In the carriage, when her lips had brushed against his, it was as if his soul had roared in triumph.
He had wanted nothing more than to make her his in every conceivable way.
Thank goodness he had come to his senses; one did not ravish innocent maidens on a carriage journey back to their home, no matter how much one might want to.
By the time he reached home, the same thoughts were still going round. The horses had barely stopped moving, before he was jumping out.
Although the hour was late, his body had no intention of letting him sleep.
In the possibility that one of his brothers was still awake, he headed towards the Blue Lounge.
Despite their teasing relationship, he was fairly sure they would offer helpful advice now that he truly needed it.
When he arrived at the Blue Lounge he found all three of them in a very odd state.
Freddie’s hair was on end and he was rocking back and forth in the motion he used to soothe his daughter to sleep.
For a moment, Christopher stared at him, not quite able to gather what it was about this stance that gave his older brother the air of a man who had lost control of his brain.
Slowly, it dawned on him that Freddie was not holding a child; he was just rocking.
Edward was sitting on the edge of a settee, his wide eyes fixed on Tobias, who was slumped in the least ducal position Christopher had ever seen.
None of them looked in his direction. Christopher stepped closer and saw the reason for the undignified position and the stunned shock of both Edward and Freddie.
Arabella, his tiny, only a few months’ old, niece, was sleeping soundly on the duke’s chest.
‘Do not,’ said Freddie in a deadly whisper, ‘make a sound.’
‘Hours,’ said Edward. ‘She has been screaming for hours. She would not stop. I thought she must be dying. Then I thought I was dying. Perhaps I am dead.’
Tobias did not move.
‘Is everything…?’ Christopher did not finish his sentence. If looks could kill, Tobias had just launched an arrow through his heart.
‘You took your time coming home,’ said Freddie, still rocking like a Bedlam patient.
‘You left early.’
‘I swear by all that is holy, if you wake her up…’
‘But you are speaking.’
‘I am her father and you are ridiculous.’
‘You are ridiculous.’ Not his best comeback, but it was the early hours of the morning. He made his way slowly to the settee and sat down next to Edward, who was still staring at Arabella as if she were about to explode.
‘I am going to be a terrible father,’ said Edward.
‘That is true,’ said Christopher, even though it wasn’t.
Sometimes it was best not to sympathise with Edward when he started to panic.
Besides, he was still a little cross that Edward and Kate had left early, meaning there had been no chaperone in the carriage.
Realistically, it was not Edward’s fault that Christopher had pounced on Sophia like a starving man, but logic didn’t always follow when dealing with one’s brothers.
Edward lightly punched him on the arm and even Tobias smiled at his joke. Freddie finally stopped rocking and made his way to a wingback chair, which he lowered himself onto slowly, never taking his eyes off his sleeping daughter.
‘While I know it to be true, what makes you say that?’ Christopher asked. Dealing with someone else’s crisis was much better than thinking about his own.
‘She cried and cried and I could do nothing. What if that happens with my own child?’
‘It very likely will happen, but at least you will have found the perfect mattress for him or her.’ He nodded to Tobias, who reverted to scowling.
‘I did not know what to do.’
‘You do not have to have all the answers, Teddy. You and Kate will work it out as you go along. Is that not what we all do? Try not to worry about it and, if you do, just remember that the good days will outweigh the bad.’ That Teddy had been risky, but his brother did not seem to notice.
Edward rubbed his brow with a thumb. ‘Annoying though it is, I suppose I have to concede that you are right. Thank you, Christopher.’ He paused. ‘And do not think I did not notice what you called me. I am too tired to retaliate.’
‘Why are you up?’ Arabella may have been screaming, but it was a big house. It was not as though the noise would disturb Edward or Tobias.
‘There has been another letter. We were discussing it when Emily arrived with Arabella. Emily was at her wits’ end and so utterly exhausted it looked like she might collapse on the spot. We said we would take over; little did we know what that entailed.’
‘Oh.’
Edward and he were almost talking normally now. Freddie was no longer telling them off, because he had fallen into a deep sleep almost as soon as his head hit the side of the wingback.
‘What did the letter say?’
‘There was not much news. We are still no closer to finding out how Sebastian and his wife were killed, or if indeed it was foul play. Mr Hornel wrote to tell us that he has established that the older couple living in Sebastian’s house are his wife’s parents and that they have turned down all requests he has made to speak with them. ’
Christopher waited for more, but Edward had stopped. ‘Is that it?’
‘Yes.’
‘So what now?’
‘Now, we do what we have been doing for months. We wait for his next instalment and hope it provides more answers.’
Edward finally relaxed his position and settled back in the chair. For a while they watched the sleeping baby as she gently rose and fell in time with her oldest uncle’s breathing.
The room was warm and comfortable, but Christopher was still not sleepy. In the silence all his thoughts came crowding back in.
‘Sophia is not going to marry Robert,’ he blurted out, when the thought circled his brain for the thousandth time.
He was rewarded for his confession with a snore. Next to him, Edward had also fallen asleep. Only Tobias was awake, observing him with his dark, unreadable eyes. Oh well, he’d said it now; he might as well carry on.
‘She has changed her mind. She has decided they do not suit after all. I mean, she is right. He is a decent man; there is nothing wrong with him, aside from the fact that he is more interested in other things than he is in her. The man who marries her should put her first above all things and that was never going to be him.’
‘Do you want to discuss settlements?’ Tobias’ voice was just above a whisper; the baby did not stir.
‘I do not know.’
Tobias placed a large hand on his niece’s back.
The baby’s lips smacked together and Tobias smiled softly.
The adoring look as he gazed at his niece took years off his brother’s face.
‘Tell me everything, Christopher. Explain to me why you do not know, when it is clear to everyone else what the answer is.’
‘She told me she does not want to marry me. I think that is a strong reason not to go ahead with a marriage. But I worry, that at this point, we cannot avoid it. I fear her life will be miserable if she is tied to me when she does not want to be.’
‘I do not believe anyone would be miserable with you, Christopher. You are a good man.’ Christopher’s throat felt thick at this unexpected compliment.
He swallowed, trying not to show how much his brother’s words affected him.
When he did not respond, Tobias asked, ‘Did she say why she is against the idea?’
Christopher cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the emotion that was wedged there. ‘Because she does not love me. Which is fine, of course. I do not love her either.’
‘Really?’ This was from Edward, who had managed to prise one eye open. ‘You were doing a fine impression of being in love earlier this evening.’
‘Mm,’ agreed Freddie, not even bothering to open his eyes. ‘You were convincing.’
‘You are both supposed to be asleep.’
‘I am wide awake,’ said Edward, his eye falling closed again.
‘Well, you are both wrong. I enjoy her company, that is all. You do not have to be in love with someone for that to happen. She always has something interesting to say and she is very funny. It would be stranger if I did not want to spend time with someone like that.’ He did not add that he loved to look at her too, that she was so beautiful that sometimes it made his chest hurt.
That did sound a little like he had deeper feelings for her than friendship and perhaps that was true, but was that enough to change his whole life plan?
He doubted she thought so. She had repeatedly told him she did not want him or their arrangement to change and she wouldn’t say that if she had strong feelings for him, would she?
He supposed he could ask one of his sisters-in-law.
They might be able to give him some advice, but as they did not know her well, it would be as subjective as his thoughts and possibly not helpful.
Opposite him, Tobias’ eyes were beginning to droop, but he still managed to say, ‘Do not be an idiot, Christopher,’ before they closed completely and he too succumbed to sleep.
It was lucky that Christopher was still vibrantly awake.
It was up to him to keep an eye on Arabella, to make sure she did not fall from where she was perched, even though Tobias seemed to be holding her tightly enough.
He would rest his eyes for one moment, and then he would watch her until the others woke up.
It would give him plenty of time to ponder how best to proceed.