Chapter Twenty-Three
Cormal
It was definitely more awkward when it was just the two of them.
After a long silence, Brannal sat down again on the couch opposite. “I still don’t know what to think.”
Cormal nodded.
Frowning, Brannal said, “I want to be really angry about the wraiths.”
Cormal winced, nodding again.
Brannal’s lips pressed together in a thin line.
“I believe I can be altogether certain how I’d react now.
But back then? Towards Summus? Towards your father, who’d guided me since I was twelve?
” He sighed. “I might have done the same as you. It’s so easy to look back and put today’s knowledge, confidence, and wisdom into play.
He didn’t brook opposition, and I might have done as you did. ”
Cormal blew out a breath, a little bit of the tightness in his chest easing. He swallowed. “Thank you.”
“And is that secret responsible for some of the… distance after the attack?”
Cormal nodded. “It was hard to bear.”
“I assumed it was because I was Summus.”
Cormal’s eyes flickered closed and then open again. He pressed his lips together. That really was the most logical explanation in the absence of other information, wasn’t it?
“I’m sorry,” Cormal said, throat thick. “Again. I didn’t—I didn’t mean for any of this, truly.”
Brannal was staring at him with an expression that Cormal couldn’t decipher, staring fixedly like he was trying to see into Cormal’s soul.
Intently, Brannal said, “It makes me understand, a little, what you were thinking. But the fact that you decided you were right over everything else? That you went behind my back, not once, but multiple times? You told me to my face that Perian was probably fine when you’d abducted him.
You sent me across the country.” Brannal’s voice was harsh now, his eyes bleak.
“Do you have any idea what that ride back was like, when I didn’t know what you might have done to him? ”
Very quietly, Cormal said, “I wasn’t in love with you, but I thought he was taking advantage of you and hurting you and your friends. It was the worst feeling.”
If only Cormal had looked more carefully.
“That’s not fair,” Brannal snapped.
Cormal just nodded miserably.
Brannal blew out a breath and conceded reluctantly, “But you didn’t kill him.”
“Just banished him and made him think everyone wanted it that way,” Cormal said grimly.
“You really are such an asshole,” Brannal told him.
Cormal pressed his lips together unsteadily, nodding again.
Brannal let out a big huff of breath and stood up. “Come here.”
Cormal rose, not entirely certain if he was about to get punched—and then actually reeling when he was instead pulled into Brannal’s arms. He let out something that was definitely a sob and clutched at the man.
“I can’t forgive you, not yet,” Brannal said quietly. “Maybe not ever, not for what you did to Perian. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to completely trust you again. And if you harm him, you will not survive, do you understand?”
Cormal nodded, voice muffled against Brannal’s chest. “I understand.”
Brannal exhaled sharply. “If you continue to do better, I’ll… work on it, all right?”
Cormal nodded once more, pressing his face tighter into the man’s chest, clutching harder, like he was worried Brannal would suddenly take it back.
“I come bearing gifts!” Perian’s cheerful voice sounded from the doorway.
Cormal reluctantly detached himself from Brannal, then had to dig out a handkerchief and clean off his face, because he was a total mess. Again.
Perian had come with a loaded tray, and he set it down on the table by the window.
“Come, sit. Oh, and Brannal.” He gestured at Cormal. “Not at the table.”
Cormal was confused, but after a moment, the water began to trickle away from him and evaporate in thin streams until he was suddenly dry again.
He hadn’t even realized that he was making Brannal wet with that desperate hug, but of course, that water was gone now, too.
Perian and Brannal sat on one side of the table, and Cormal and Kinan the other. Cormal pulled out the chair and then pushed it back into place with Kinan on it. (He could sit down by sitting through the table, but Cormal knew he didn’t like to do that.)
“So all those same rules apply,” Perian mused, looking at Kinan. “Your body has those habits, but you still can’t touch anything?”
Kinan sighed. “Yeah.” He looked a little subdued, but he seemed to try to rally, saying, “But I can complain about it to everyone now, not just you and Renny.”
Perian laughed. “Oh, that must make it so much better. How is Renny?”
They got through the first several minutes of the meal serving themselves as Kinan told Perian all about his sister. Cormal chimed in with some of her better efforts to make his life miserable, and even Brannal laughed at the bucket of water to his head.
“Wow,” Perian said. “She’s really pissed.”
“She loves you,” Cormal said. “Of course she’s pissed.”
Perian’s expression went soft.
Cormal continued, “Unless I can fix this, I’m expecting open warfare until the day I die.”
Perian snorted. “She’s a formidable opponent.”
“Mother has said she can begin some actual defense training in the summer if she’s still feeling well,” Kinan interjected.
“Yeah, really looking forward to that,” Cormal said dryly.
They all laughed.
It was a much better meal than Cormal had any right to expect. After they’d eaten, Cormal offered to go if that would make everyone more comfortable.
“Don’t be silly,” Perian chided. “I already asked Evalon, our housekeeper, to get a room ready for you, and they’ve brought your things in from the stables. We should talk more about trying to help Kinan, but maybe in the morning? It’s a bit of a loaded topic.”
“Of course,” Cormal agreed easily.
He hadn’t really thought that Perian was going to refuse to try to help, but it had still been a possibility.
It wasn’t that late, but it had been a long day.
“Would anyone be insulted if we went to bed?” Perian asked. “This isn’t how I thought today would go, and I could really use some cuddles.”
Cormal laughed. “No, that’s fine. I’m sure Kinan and I can keep ourselves occupied.”
Perian led them out of the room and pointed.
“There’s books in the study, and you can help yourself to anything.
Kinan, you’ve already seen the kitchen. That’s available if you get hungry, Cormal.
The surrounding area is safe if you want to walk or ride.
Oh, and there’s the water, but it’s kind of freezing right now.
And of course, you can sleep from now until a decent hour of the morning if you want.
We can reconvene when we’re all refreshed, all right? ”
Cormal nodded. He was used to Brannal being the one in charge, and he wasn’t sure if it was different for the two of them here, if it was because of Cormal, or if it was just… different. Perian certainly had no shortage of opinions, and this was his house.
They went up a flight of stairs and then down and to the right. The room looked nicely appointed, not as large as the suites at the castle, but nicer than either of the inns that he and Kinan had stayed in.
Perian made sure they didn’t need anything, and then he and Brannal left with a cheerful wave from Perian.
It wasn’t until Cormal had used the water closet and then pulled on his sleep trousers that he realized that Kinan was just sitting on the edge of the bed and that he hadn’t said anything since their meal.
Cormal felt so drained from everything that had happened that he hadn’t been paying enough attention to Kinan.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
Kinan huffed a breath, and his voice was snide as he said, “I’m surprised you even noticed.”
Cormal drew back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Would you even have shared a room if Perian hadn’t shoved us in here?” Kinan demanded.
“Of course,” Cormal said, confused.
Furious eyes shot to his. “Why? Because Brannal’s busy?”
Oh. This wasn’t anger, not really. This was hurt. Cormal came to sit down beside Kinan.
“No,” Cormal said softly, “because I always want to spend time with you.”
Kinan’s face was a mess of contradictions, hope warring with hurt.
“Brannal was my best friend for years,” Cormal continued. “And there’s a chance that I haven’t completely destroyed that friendship. I’m so grateful for that. But if I could undo all my mistakes and fix everything to be the way that I most wanted, I would still be here in this room with you.”
Tears welled up in Kinan’s eyes. “Really?”
Cormal nodded.
“I can’t even touch you. He can—he can hug you. You looked so happy.”
And Cormal wished for nothing more than to pull the other man into his arms right now.
“Happy about a friend maybe deciding not to kill me,” Cormal pointed out mildly, trying to go for humor.
Kinan let out a wet-sounding scoff.
“Brannal is so happy with Perian,” Cormal acknowledged.
“It’s been entirely obvious for a long time that he never felt anything even vaguely similar towards me.
It was easy to want that. We’d been together before.
We could both control fire. We were both practically raised by my father and ran around the castle together as children.
But I never wanted to acknowledge how much of that was circumstance more than choice.
Brannal didn’t choose me. You did. I’ve never had anyone choose me before. ”
Kinan’s voice was small. “Is that all this is? Flattered that someone picked you?”
Cormal shook his head hurriedly. “No! I mean, I am flattered. It’s incredibly flattering that someone as amazing as you is interested in someone like me.
But it showed me how the very brief relationship with Brannal wasn’t anything like that.
I latched onto him, and he let me. I was full of hormones, and I guess he was, too. ”
Kinan scoffed, the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.