Chapter 4
FOUR
LEXI
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
I sighed with relief. “I was wondering when you guys were going to be back.”
My mouth watered as the idea of coffee and sweets filled my mind.
Finally, something to push away all of the painful, beautiful, infuriating memories from my brain.
I needed to wash Dean’s touch off me, that much was for certain.
But, as I finished rearranging everything on the ambulance to make it look like nothing had been taken, those booming knocks sounded out again.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
I furrowed my brow as I made my way for the doors. “You guys must have your arms full if you can’t even open—what the fuck?”
The sound of a gun cocking greeted me the second I swung the door open. “You and me need to have a little talk.”
I swallowed hard as Face Tattoo stared me down. “I don’t think we have anything to discuss, honestly.”
He tilted his head. “Really. Tell me, did you do everything you could to save my man’s life?”
Oh, no. “We are bound by our oaths to--.”
He shoved the gun directly between my eyes and the cold metal of its barrel stilled my heart. “Did you know you were killing him as you watched him bleed out in your fucking ambulance!?”
“No, she didn’t,” Dean growled.
My eyes flickered to his towering form as he stood behind Face Tattoo. He cocked his own gun, because apparently every fucking person in the world except for me had one, and as Face Tattoo winked at me, he slowly turned to face Dean.
“Close the doors,” Dean commanded.
His gaze found mine. “What about you?”
“I said, close the fucking doors,” he spat.
Face Tattoo pointed his gun at Dean. “I think that’s a bad idea on everyone’s part, don’t you think?”
One of his men nodded. “Someone is paying for the death of my brother.”
I snickered as I quickly reached for the ambulance door. “Why don’t you start with him? He’s the one that shot him in the first place.”
“Shut up, El,” he snarled.
I swung the ambulance door closed and locked it. The damn thing was bulletproof for a fucking reason, and the instant I latched the door, arguing ensued. I pressed myself toward the back of the vehicle and closed my eyes, wondering where in the hell Cap and Chelsea were in the first fucking place.
Holy hell, had those men already hunted them down?
“Security!” Dean exclaimed. “I need security and the police out here now!”
I clapped my hands over my ears and slid down the ambulance wall until my ass hit the floor.
I curled my knees into my chest, burying myself away from the world as chaos rained down outside.
All I wanted was coffee and a donut. All I wanted was to live my life, make a fucking paycheck, and watch my daughter grow into the beautiful woman she’d one day become.
I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself to push all of the chaos away. All of the pain away. All of the memories away. All of the “what if”’s and “holy shit”’s away.
Until someone placed their hand on my shoulder.
“Ah!” I exclaimed as I jumped.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! It’s just me. It’s me, Lexi,” Cap said.
I watched as the lock got thrown on the ambulance doors before they were ripped open. “Jesus Christ, I’m glad you’re okay back here.”
My gaze widened as I scrambled to get outside. “Dean!?”
I whipped around, looking in all directions for that man. For any sign that he had ever been there. For any sign that he had existed, with me, in those moments. Alive. And breathing.
But, yet again, he was nowhere to be found.
“Dean!” I bellowed as I cupped my hands over my mouth.
“He’s gone, ah-ha-ha-haaaa!”
I pivoted toward the crazed sound and saw Face Tattoo yanking against a police officer’s grasp.
Who the hell had called the police?
When had they shown up?
“You’re going to pay for this!” Face Tattoo yelled as the officer shoved him into the back of a cruiser. “You’re all going to pay for this!”
“Don’t worry,” Chelsea said as she came up to my side, “they always do that when they’ve been caught.”
I crooked an eyebrow. “You’ve been threatened by a gang over someone you carted to the hospital?”
Cap chuckled. “More times than any of us care to count. Come on, let’s go have that coffee. We need to get back to the station.”
The words rang out in the forefront of my mind as I darted around, trying my best to locate Dean.
There was no way in hell he was gone. I knew he was real.
I knew he had been here. I still felt his searing hot touch against my neck.
My face. My arm. I smelled him in the air, dangling on for dear life as his aftershave clung to my uniform.
And yet, he was nowhere to be found.
“Come on, it’ll feel good to get back to the station and get a nice, hot shower,” Chelsea said as she gripped my upper arms.
“Yeah,” I said mindlessly, “yeah, it would.”
As I stared at the wall, clutching my untouched coffee, I gave myself a chance to process. To work on my breathing in an attempt to process the one thing I had never considered.
The fact that Dean was really alive.
I mean, it wasn’t as if there had been a massive accident or anything.
One day, we were declaring our love for one another and making plans to go to the beach for a week, and the next thing I knew he dropped off the face of the planet.
His calls kept going to voicemail, then his number could no longer be completed as dialed.
I went by his place one day and his lights were off; his bike nowhere in sight.
I tried tracking him down and calling his friends that I knew, but none of them knew what had happened to him or where he had gone.
I worried so much that I reported him missing to the police. But, their investigations into the matter turned up nothing.
He had just… disappeared.
And apparently, he was simply an asshole who really knew how to ghost a bitch.
“Fucking pathetic sack of shit,” I murmured.
“What was that?” Chelsea asked.
I heaved a heavy sigh. “Nothing. Just… thinking.”
As I sipped on my coffee, my mind raced with all sorts of questions.
How the hell did he know about the shootout that had occurred?
How in the fuck did he know those gangbangers in the first place?
Was he wrapped up in something bad? Is that why he dropped off the face of the planet?
Is that why him and his pal were forcing people to steal from their workplace on their behalf?
It was clear to me that Dean knew who those men were. And don’t think for one second that I didn’t see recognition sweep over their faces once they saw Dean for themselves. Something was amiss during all of this, and Dean’s presence at the hospital that day wasn’t coincidental.
But, how did the man who joined the Army to save America become a criminal?
What happened to the man I had fallen in love with?
“Hey there, sweet girl.”
I giggled as I turned around and saw Dean with a bouquet of flowers. “For me?”
He smiled as his other hand donned a teddy bear. “For the sweetest girl in the world.”
I squealed. “Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much!”
I wrapped my arms around him and pressed a kiss against his lips.
His strong arms wrapped tightly around me as he hoisted me off the ground, spinning me around in a state of bliss.
I loved the way his tongue caressed the roof of my mouth.
It was a stark contrast to the animal that tied me down in bed only to tease me until I begged for mercy.
But his murmured words drew me back to reality. “I got accepted.”
I paused. “Huh?”
He set me down. “They took me. I got accepted. I leave for basic in a few weeks.”
I tried to act excited. “I’m so happy for you, Dean.”
He chuckled. “No, you’re not.”
“No, I’m really not. But I know this is what you want, so you know that I support you.”
He kissed my forehead. “Your residency is going to keep you plenty busy, and before you know it, I’ll be out of basic, and I’ll have a place of my own. I’ll try my best to get stationed at the nearest base, but if it doesn’t happen be ready for me to fly you out. A lot.”
I smiled brightly. “Really, Dean?”
He cupped my cheek. “I’d never leave my number one princess behind. Not for a second.”
“Except you did,” I whispered.
Things had been wonderful for a while. I started my residency around the time he got out of basic, and before I knew it, he was being sent on his first deployment.
Talking over Skype was rough, especially since he didn’t have the greatest connection overseas.
But I didn’t worry about him the way I thought I would.
Until one particular phone call that started with “How was your day?” and ended with gunfire before the call went black.
That was the last time I had ever spoken with Dean.
It was the last time I had ever seen his face or heard his voice.
After days of not hearing from him, I tried to get in contact with anyone on base that might’ve been in contact with his battalion, or whatever the hell they called a group of guys that were deployed together.
But, because we had an entire country between us at one point, I didn’t really know who he served with, or who his bosses were.
I didn’t know any of his friends, so I didn’t have their numbers. All I knew to do was wait.
I waited for him to come back around. I waited for him to call me and tell me he was all right.
I waited for him to send me a letter or knock on my door.
Anything to show me that he had made it home alive.
I Googled military obituaries every fucking day, just waiting for his face to pop up.
Hell, I even took a damn trip all the way across the country to check his place on base.
But, no one that I came into contact with had any answers for me.
Finding out I was pregnant without him at my side killed me.
I struggled to keep up with my residency, especially with how much energy Natty zapped out of my system.
Somehow, I managed to finish it. But, by the time it came to take a job at the hospital where I had done my residency as a general surgeon, I couldn’t do it.
I couldn't just live this life I had planned with Dean without him at my side.
Thankfully, my shift blew by quickly. Washing Dean’s scent off my body in a scalding hot shower helped, that much was for certain.
Plus, the chaos of my shift helped me to focus on something other than my past. I did my best to push Dean out of my mind.
I raced home with food and drinks, hoping to borrow Chloe’s ear just enough to calm myself down before yet another day dawned in our lives.
Dean didn’t deserve any more of my time.
He had taken enough from me, and I refused to give him anything else.
And when I walked through the door to find my smiling, beautiful little girl running toward me, my stress melted away.
“Mommy! Mommy! You’re home!”
I placed everything on the kitchen counter and scooped her into my arms. “Yes, I am, sweet girl. Mommy’s home.”
I peppered her with kisses while she rattled off our plans for the day. “Auntie Chloe said we could go to the park and swim. Can we do that, Mommy? Please?”
I giggled. “After we snuggle while I take a nap. How’s that sound?”
“Yay!”
Chloe emerged from the guest bedroom. “How did your first evening go?”
I sighed as I put Natty down. “You’ll never guess who popped up out of thin air?”
She furrowed her brow. “Who?”
I handed her the coffee I brought for her. “Dean.”
Silence fell between us before she cleared her throat. “Dean.”
I nodded. “Yep.”
“You mean, Dean Dean?”
“Yep yep.”
“The Dean we thought was dead.”
I picked up my own coffee. “Yeppity yep.”
She lowered her voice. “Natty’s father, Dean?”
I glared at her. “Let’s not say that too loud, yeah?”
Confusion washed over her face. “Dean’s alive?”
“Apparently.”
And he just… approached you? Just like that?”
I pulled a bagel out of the food bag. “Essentially, yeah.”
Chloe came into the kitchen and pulled out a muffin for herself. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
I took another long pull from my decaf drink. “I don’t know what the hell I am right now.”
She rubbed my back. “And you have every right to feel that way.”
“I’m just--kind of shell-shocked, I guess. Very angry. I mean, really fucking angry. Don’t get me wrong, I’d never do something like this. But I now understand crimes of passion.”
Chloe giggled bitterly. “Yeah, if I’m feeling it, then I know you’re feeling.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “The little bit that we did talk, it sounds like he lives in the area. Like, he’s planted here.”
“I mean, if he’s not dead, it doesn’t shock me that he came home.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fuck me, I just can’t catch a break, can I?”
“Can I ask you something?”
I glared at her. “Don’t say it.”
She picked at her muffin. “I have to, on behalf of Natty. Do you have any plans to--?”
“No,” I said flatly.
“Are you sure?”
I scoffed. “Am I sure? The man faked his death, as far as I’m concerned.
He deployed, there was gunfire, and then I never heard him or saw him ever again.
You know what I went through to try and track him down.
You know the lengths I went to in order to try and find him.
You think I would owe that kind of person anything?
You think he’s cut out to be anything in her life, at this point? ”
“You make good points.”
“Of course, I make good points, because I know what’s best for myself and for Natty. He made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me the second he fell off the map a world and a half away and didn’t bother to resurface. He doesn't deserve to know this. To know about her.”
She placed her hand on my shoulder. “Then, I support you all the way. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”
I sipped my drink. “We fucking better be.”
She laughed softly. “Now, are we gonna stand here and act like we don’t want alcohol in our drinks right now?”
And after I drew in a deep breath, I opened the kitchen cabinet above my head and pulled out the Bailey’s.
“Two shots, or three? It’ll help knock me out so I can take a nap with Natty, anyway.”