Chapter 11 Caden
CADEN
I wanted to take one of those knives out of the dummy and jab it into my thigh. That would’ve been less painful than seeing the hurt in Grae’s eyes. Pain that I had put there because I was reckless.
My control used to be better, but that was when almost three thousand miles had separated Grae and me.
When I could hide away in my New York City fortress and only head home a couple of times a year.
Now, I saw her all the time. Couldn’t help but breathe her in—that scent of honeysuckle with a bite, just like Grae herself.
And then there was the way she understood me.
How she got straight to the root of any situation and knew how it would affect me.
There were a million reasons to stay away. But I’d always been greedy when it came to Grae Hartley. Only now, I was playing with fire. A flame that had the potential to leave us both with third-degree burns.
I forced myself to finish my pizza, even though I had no appetite. I cleaned up my plate and wrapped the leftovers, placing them in the fridge. Then I listened. At first, there was nothing. Then I heard Grae moving around her room. A second later, the door opened.
I braced for her to come out. Tried to steel myself against her beauty. But she never appeared. Another door closed, and a second later, I heard the sound of a shower.
A stream of curses flew through my mind, and the sea of images I swam in was enough to send me straight to hell.
Grae stepping under the spray. Her hands, slick with soap, gliding over her skin. Me stepping into the shower with her. Fingers flexing on her hips. Me pounding into her.
Hell.
I crossed to my duffel and pulled out my laptop and earbuds. Popping them in, I turned on a playlist loud enough to drown out the water, then opened my email. But all I saw were images of Grae.
The scent of coffee teased my nose, and I rolled over onto my back with a groan. A muscle twinged. I blinked against the morning light. This couch was not meant for sleeping.
“Coffee?” Grae asked from the kitchen.
My gaze sought her of its own volition, but I regretted it the second I saw her. Grae was in silvery-gray silk sleep shorts and a matching tank top with slender straps that ghosted over her petite form. My back teeth ground together. “What are you wearing?”
She glanced down. “My pajamas.”
“That’s what you sleep in?”
She shrugged. “It’s cozy.”
That was not cozy. That would haunt my damn dreams for all eternity. My cock pressed against my joggers, and I muttered a curse, sitting up. “I need to go.”
“Whatever,” she mumbled, heading out of the kitchen.
Hell. I was making everything worse. I stood, gathered my bag, and straightened the cushions on the couch. Then I headed for the door, arming the alarm and locking the door handle so it would catch when I closed it.
I strode to my SUV like the hounds of hell were on my heels. And maybe they were. That image of Grae was more than I could take.
Cracking my neck, I climbed behind the wheel. I needed a stiff shot of whiskey. But seeing as it was seven a.m., I’d have to settle for the strongest cup of coffee I could find.
I headed for The Brew, pulling into a spot a few stores down. I slid out of my SUV and headed for the quaint coffee shop. The space reminded me of Grae—all colorful with mismatched décor. And it had a vitality that was so similar to hers.
A bell jingled as I opened the door. The space was already about half-full of locals getting a fix before work and tourists heading out for their outdoor adventures.
My eyes burned as I got in line. I’d slept like crap, tossing and turning, haunted by dreams of Grae. What had I been thinking suggesting this ruse?
“You look rough, man.”
I turned at the sound of Nash’s voice. He ambled toward me, Maddie at his side. “Gee, thanks.”
He chuckled. “What did you get up to last night? One too many beers?”
Maddie pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “I doubt it was that.”
Nash’s gaze snapped to his fiancée. “What do you—?”
He cut his sentence off and then made a gagging noise. “I think I just lost my appetite.”
The laugh finally escaped Maddie as she patted Nash’s chest. “You never lose your appetite.” She glanced my way. “What did you and Grae do last night?”
“Just remember I’m her brother, and there are things I never need to know,” Nash growled.
I choked on a laugh. “Noted.” I turned to Maddie. “Gigi decimated some mannequin named Bob, and then we ate pizza.”
Maddie grinned. “Was she pissed at you? She only brings out Bob when she’s really mad. She offered to put Nash’s face on it for me a couple of months ago.”
Nash reared back. “You wanted to throw knives at me?”
Maddie’s eyes danced with humor. “Let’s be honest. You played indifferent for a long time, mister. Made me think you only ever saw me as a friend. You deserved a few knives.”
Nash wrapped her in his arms and brushed his lips across hers. “But it was worth the wait, wasn’t it?”
She melted into him. “A million times over.”
My heart rate jacked up, panic gripping my chest. I cleared my throat. “Please, don’t make me vomit before I’ve had my coffee.”
Nash shook his head. “Just you wait. You’ll be worse than me in no time.”
Panic dug its claws in deeper. That would never happen. Couldn’t. I knew what it was like to lose someone who meant everything to me. I’d barely survived. The only option was to have places you didn’t let people into and impenetrable walls.
Maddie’s smile widened. “This is going to be fun to watch.”
“Enough already,” I grumbled. “What are you two doing today?”
Nash inclined his head toward the station. “I’m on duty.”
“I’ve got a puppy training class at our place and then two private clients,” Maddie answered. “What about you?”
I slid out my phone, trying to remind myself what was on my docket today. An email from my father glared at me from my inbox.
I want your first assessment report on resort operations by the end of the week.
No, How are you? Or, Love, Dad. Of course not. That wasn’t how Harrison Shaw operated. I couldn’t remember the last time my father had hugged me. I didn’t think he’d even touched me other than to shake my hand at business meetings since Clara died.
“Everything okay?”
Nash’s voice brought me out of my spiral. “Yeah, just a lot going on at the resort. Gala season.”
It wasn’t a lie. I had at least a dozen emails about that, as well.
Nash frowned. “Everything good with the fam?”
I chuckled. “Is it ever?”
“If you need to talk, blow off steam, whatever, you know I’m always here.”
A burn lit in my chest. “I know, man. Thanks.” But I couldn’t get myself to open up to him. Not like I used to. Even though I knew he loved me like a brother, I couldn’t break down the walls I’d built.
“Your mom sent us invitations to the gala,” Maddie said. “It was so thoughtful of her.”
My brows rose at that. It was a good sign, her being invested in something again. “She’s excited you’re back and that we’re all in each other’s lives again.”
A mischievous smile stretched across Maddie’s face. “And that you’re dating Grae…”
“That, too.” Guilt pricked at me. How would she feel when Grae and I broke up? I hoped it would be enough for her to see me back in the dating game. She’d think I was normal for a while. Maybe I could find some woman in New York willing to pose as a girlfriend a couple of years from now, too.
The idea made my stomach sour. Because no one would ever hold a candle to Grae.