Chapter 7
LAWSON
I stared at my son, sensing the anger coming off him in waves. “I know you’re not crazy about the idea of a nanny, but—”
“We don’t need one,” Luke snapped, his dark hair flying across his brow.
I took a deep breath, making an effort to lower my voice. “Maybe you don’t, but I do. You guys have a lot going on, and I’m working long hours. I need someone to give us a hand.”
Luke’s jaw worked back and forth. “If you’re too busy to take care of your kids, maybe you should let us go live with Mom.”
My spine snapped straight as blood roared in my ears. The idea of them in Melody’s care had ice running through my veins. I struggled to keep my voice even. “You know that’s not an option.”
“No, I don’t. You won’t even tell us why we can’t see her.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. Hard. First, their mother would have to want to see them. But even if she did, the courts wouldn’t allow it, not after what had happened.
I should’ve guessed they’d start to have questions. Ones I couldn’t answer with half-truths and non-responses. Maybe this had been wreaking more havoc on Luke than I realized. Or maybe he just knew how to hit me where it hurt.
“Your mom isn’t in a place to take care of you.”
The truth was, I didn’t know where the hell Melody was these days. And I didn’t want to know. The only way I could deal with everything that had happened was to shove it down. Force it so far down that it didn’t exist for me.
Luke’s jaw clenched. “It’s not like you are either. You’re pawning us off on some stranger.”
I lowered myself to Luke’s desk chair, staring at my son. “You and your brothers are the most important people in the world to me.”
He scoffed.
“It kills me that you don’t feel that from me, but it’s true. Bringing someone on is to help me be the best possible dad. So the time we get together is quality time and not me stressing over schedules and laundry and grocery shopping.”
Luke stayed silent as he sat on his bed, focusing on his shoelaces.
“I miss you, Luke. Miss talking to you. Going fishing and camping.”
Heat filled his blue gaze. “I’m too old for that kid crap.”
Pain dug deep. “It’s not kid crap because those are some of my favorite things to do. And you need to watch your language.”
“You curse. I’ve heard you.”
“You’re right, I do. But I’m an adult. And I try not to do it in front of you and your brothers. Do you want to explain to Charlie’s teacher why a first grader is dropping F-bombs left and right?”
I’d hoped the question would get a smile out of Luke, maybe even a laugh. But his mouth didn’t move even slightly.
“Whatever,” he mumbled.
I sighed. “I need your phone, iPad, and laptop.”
Luke’s eyes went wide. “No way.”
I pushed to my feet. “I warned you, Luke. I told you what would happen if you kept using that language.”
“This is bullshit.”
My back molars ground together. “That’s three days now.”
Luke snapped his mouth shut.
I picked up his laptop from the desk. “Phone and iPad.”
Luke stood, yanking his cell out of his pocket and slamming it on the desk. Then he jerked open a drawer and grabbed the iPad.
I hated this. Hated my kid being mad at me. Hated that he wouldn’t have the few things that seemed to make him happy now and then. But letting him get away with murder wouldn’t help either.
I gathered up the electronics and headed for the door. “Dinner should be ready around six.”
Luke didn’t speak at all. It was his form of retaliation. It worked, too. Cut deep.
I slipped out of his room, shutting the door behind me. I walked to my office and deposited his gear in my desk drawer before moving in the direction of the living area.
Charlie’s voice reached my ears before I saw him. “What would you pick, gecko or African bullfrog?”
“Hmm,” Hallie said as I paused at the threshold, taking them in. “Frogs are cool, but geckos have those toes that help them stick to everything. I’m going gecko.”
Charlie beamed at her as he knelt on a stool, stirring my pasta sauce. “Those toes are the coolest. I wish I had them. Then I could walk on the ceiling.”
Drew chuckled from his spot on a stool opposite him. “You’d completely turn into a lizard if you could.”
Charlie’s mouth pressed into a thoughtful line. “Only if I could turn back. I’d miss chocolate too much.”
A laugh escaped Hallie, light and almost musical. It caught on the air, sending a shiver over me.
“I’d miss chocolate, too,” she admitted. “But I do think it would be cool to turn into a bird. Then I could fly wherever I wanted.”
There was a wistfulness to Hallie’s voice. A longing. For what? Flight? Freedom, maybe?
“I’m going monkey,” Drew said. “You could climb trees crazy high and eat bananas all day.”
Hallie grinned at him. “And hang upside down using your tail.”
She was different with my boys. More at ease. Relief swept through me. Hallie seemed to be in her element with them. As if she’d truly come alive for the first time since our interview. And Charlie and Drew seemed to revel in her attention.
I pushed off the wall, rounding the corner. “Is Chef Charlie making us dinner?”
He grinned, that gap between his teeth on full display. “Hallie’s helping me. This is gonna be the best sauce ever.”
Drew glanced at Hallie. “Will you be cooking for us?”
A faint pink hue deepened on her cheeks. “Yes, to the best of my ability.”
Drew stretched his arms across the kitchen island in a dramatic plea. “Please, tell me you know how to make more than pasta, steak, and chili.”
I crossed to my middle son, ruffling his hair. “Trolling your father?”
He knocked my hand away. “Not the hair, bruh!”
Hallie laughed softly. “I promise to avoid those three things.”
Drew lifted his hands skyward. “There is a God in heaven.”
I just shook my head. “Sorry you got thrown right to the wolves.”
“I don’t mind. And this pasta sauce smells amazing.”
A bizarre sense of pride filled me.
Drew grinned at Hallie. “This is his best meal. He wanted to impress you for your first night here. When you’ve had it every week for years, it’s a little less exciting.”
I barked out a laugh. “Geez, Drew, tell me how you really feel.”
Hallie shrugged. “I don’t know. Mac and cheese is my all-time favorite meal, and I could probably eat that every other day for the rest of my life.”
Charlie bounced excitedly on the stool. “Mac and cheese is my favorite, too! Can we have that tomorrow?”
Hallie glanced at me in question.
I held up both hands in surrender. “If you want to make it, we’ll eat it.”
She seemed to let out a breath at that as if she’d expected me to disapprove.
“Dinner won’t be ready for another couple of hours. Do you need to go get settled?” I asked.
Hallie shook her head, those blond locks sweeping around her face. “I don’t have that much, and I’m happy to help here. Unless you’d rather I get out of your hair.”
“No,” I hurried to say. “You’re welcome to stay. I just didn’t want to hijack your settling-in time.”
“She’s staying,” Charlie said definitively.
Drew snorted at that. “You have to ask her that, little man. Babes don’t like when you’re controlling.”
Hallie’s lips twitched. “Very true.”
Charlie tipped his head back. “Will you please stay?”
She smiled down at him, the expression wide and uninhibited. The action lit up her entire face. “I’d love to stay.”
I didn’t blame my son for demanding she stick around. Her presence seemed to bring a new warmth to the house, shifting the energy somehow. It just would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if she wasn’t so damn gorgeous while she did it.