Chapter 22
LAWSON
“He hummed when he hurt us.”
Hallie’s words echoed in my head, pinballing off my skull with brutal pain. She’d been hurt. She’d listened to others enduring the same torture. And the monster had hummed a merry tune while doing it.
I’d been doing everything I could to keep my distance from Hallie.
Not to let her into my fucked-up past. Or be tempted by everything about her.
That night on the porch had been the reminder I needed that my judgment was far from stellar when it came to women, and my life wasn’t built for a relationship.
But I’d been so damn focused on myself that I’d ignored what Hallie was going through. What the murdered woman had brought up for her.
Hallie’s entire body trembled. Her legs shook so hard it looked like they might give out.
I moved then, unable to stand her fear and pain. My arms went around Hallie, pulling her to me and practically holding her up. She burrowed her face in my chest, her hands fisting my tee.
Her scent wrapped around me, the hint of orange blossom digging into me in a way I knew I’d never get out. But I didn’t want to.
“You’re safe.” I whispered the words against her hair. “No one’s going to hurt you.”
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that. Slowly, Hallie’s shaking subsided, her fingers unknotted from my shirt, and she pulled back. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t.” I brushed the hair away from her face. “The last thing you need to do is apologize.”
“I freaked out. I practically climbed you like a spider monkey.”
I barked out a laugh. “I don’t think things went that far.” My hands framed her face as though moving on their own. “You okay?”
Hallie stared up into my eyes. “I’m okay. Are you?”
There were a million questions in those gray depths, but worse, there was hurt. I’d inflicted more pain on the woman who had already endured far too much. And I wanted to gut myself for it.
“I’m sorry.” My words were a rough whisper, my hands still cupping her face, thumb stroking her cheekbone. “So damn sorry.”
“I crossed a line. I shouldn’t have—”
“You didn’t. I just—I’ve got some baggage.” Understatement of the century.
“You still love her. I get that—”
“Fuck, no,” I bit out.
Hallie jerked back, not in fear but in surprise. “You don’t?”
“Not even close.” I scrubbed a hand across my stubbled jaw as I leaned against the counter, my hands missing the feel of Hallie’s face. “Things with her went bad. Really bad. And I’ve got a lot of guilt for putting my kids in that situation.”
Hallie was quiet for a moment, studying me. “I’m so sorry. That’s why you haven’t dated much,” she surmised.
I met her gaze. “I’m not sure I have it in me anymore. Too many mistakes. Too much distrust. It’s easier—better—if I just focus on my kids, my job, and my family.”
The words hurt as I spoke them. But they needed to be said. I’d caught some of the looks Hallie had sent my way. Ones of interest, of want. Ones I couldn’t let take root and grow, no matter how badly I wanted them to.
Grief played across her face. “I understand wanting to just turn it all off. It would be so much easier.”
“But you haven’t,” I said quietly.
“If I gave up, he would win. It would’ve been like he killed me, along with the others.” Determination filled her expression. “He doesn’t get to win.”
Hallie’s eyes sparked silver as she looked up into mine. “You shouldn’t let her win either.”
I handed Hallie a dish to put in the dishwasher as the kids argued about what movie to watch.
“Whose turn is it?” I yelled over the noise.
“Mine!” Charlie called.
“He wants to make us watch Cars for the millionth time,” Luke complained.
“I can practically recite it by heart,” Drew echoed.
Hallie lifted her head. “I’ve never seen it.”
“See?” Charlie defended.
Luke groaned and flopped onto the couch.
“Your betrayal hurts,” Drew grumbled.
Hallie pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “They are brutal.”
I handed her another dish. “You have no idea.”
She smiled up at me, the action hitting me straight in the gut. “We need to talk about Drew’s birthday,” she said, her voice lowering to a whisper.
This time, I groaned. Kid parties, especially at Drew’s age, required a delicate balance. His aunts, uncles, and grandparents would all want to come. But he would want his friends here and to play things cool. “I don’t have the first idea where to start,” I admitted.
Hallie straightened, rolling to the balls of her feet. “I can do it. I already have some ideas for games and a cake. I could order food from his favorite place or make some, and—”
“You’re hired.”
She laughed, the sound wrapping around me and digging in. “Awesome. I have one more question for you.”
“Shoot.”
Hallie clasped her hands under her chin, looking nervous but far too hopeful. “What would you think about getting Drew a puppy?”
I blinked a few times. “A puppy?”
“He wants one so badly, and Charlie and Luke would love it, too. It would teach them responsibility and caring.”
“You’ve seen the chaos we live in. You really think adding a puppy to the mix is a good idea?”
Hallie rolled her lips over her teeth. “Your family is busy, but I’m helping now, and I’ll be here most of the day to help with the potty training and all that.”
I stilled, shutting off the water and looking down at Hallie. “You want a puppy?”
Her gaze slid to the side. “I wouldn’t mind having a wriggly ball of joy around.” She sighed, looking back at me. “My parents never let Emerson and me have a pet growing up. They were too concerned with keeping their house pristine.”
Half a dozen curses flew through my mind. “Okay. Let’s look for a puppy.”
Hallie’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Really. We can try the shelter in—”
“I already found some.”
The corner of my mouth kicked up. “She comes prepared.”
Hallie just grinned as she pulled out her phone to show me a photo. “Damien has a litter of puppies that should be ready soon. They’re some sort of mixed breed. Look how cute.”
I glanced down at the photo. They were certainly adorable, even though their giant paws spoke to how big they might get. But my mind was stuck on something else. “Damien?”
My tone was far too casual.
Hallie’s cheeks flushed. “Dr. Miller, the vet. I met him at Aspen’s.”
A sick feeling swept through my gut. “You like him.”
Her eyes flared. “No. I mean, yes. I mean, he’s nice. Good with the animals and Cady and Charlie. He asked me to get coffee.”
That muscle beneath my eye began to flutter. “You going?”
Hallie twisted her fingers together. “I told him I needed to think about it.”
Think about it. She might not be ready now, but she would be someday. And I’d have to watch her leave for dates. Come home from them. Or worse, not come home at all. I gripped the edge of the counter as the torturous images filled my head.
“Dad! Hallie! Come on!” Charlie called. “It’s starting.”
Hallie shut the dishwasher and headed for the living room.
And I just watched her go, hating every second of her walking away.