Chapter 25
HALLIE
“I wanna try some of these cookies,” Nash said with a serious expression.
I fought a laugh as I nodded. “Come by anytime. Or I’ll have Lawson bring some to the station.”
It had become clear that Nash was highly food motivated, and the moment Charlie had gone on and on about my chocolate chip cookies, Nash had been determined to get some.
“Lawson’ll eat them before they even make it halfway,” Nash complained.
Maddie pinched his side. “He will not. You’re the competitive eater in this bunch. Heck, you’ve been jealous of a six-year-old for half the night.”
Nash frowned down at her. “He said they’re ooey-gooey and crunchy. That combo shouldn’t be possible.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Hallie. You’ll never get rid of him now.”
Holt strode up, his arm around Wren. “I wouldn’t mind trying some either.”
Nash glared at his brother. “Stay away from my cookies.”
“Dear God,” Wren muttered. “It’s going to be a blood bath.”
I laughed then. Not one of my polite ones, a real one.
Because the Hartley family was hilarious, warm, and welcoming.
You could feel how much they loved one another, even when they were giving each other a hard time.
After the first thirty minutes, I’d eased into simply being around them.
The effortless friendship I’d seen between Grae, Wren, and Maddie at The Brew my first day in Cedar Ridge spread through the entire group.
And a part of me wondered if I could find a place among it, even if it wasn’t at Lawson’s side.
Kerry moved in and gave me a quick squeeze. “Please come next week.”
“Mom,” Lawson warned.
But she just waved him off. “Don’t listen to the big bad wolf grumbling over there. Please, come. And bring those chocolate chip cookies.”
“Thank you for having me,” I told her noncommittally as I glanced at Lawson.
His face was a stony mask. He’d been tense through dinner, but I hadn’t been able to tell if it was the case or something else.
The boys said their goodbyes, and we piled into the SUV. The drive home was only a stream of Charlie talk, while Lawson didn’t say a word.
The second we got home, Lawson charged up the stairs, muttering something about getting in a workout.
I glanced at Luke as we made our way up the steps. His jaw clenched. “He gets like this sometimes.”
What did that mean?
It was already late, so I got Charlie moving toward bed and made sure Drew and Luke didn’t need anything. Once Charlie’s light was out, I headed back into the living area. It was empty, but I could hear the faint strains of music from the basement below.
Steeling myself, I opened the door to head down. The music got louder as I went, but it wasn’t until I opened the second door that it hit me full bore. I didn’t recognize the song, but it was a heavy rock beat with angry guitar riffs.
When the gym came into view, I stopped dead.
Lawson sent punch after punch into a heavy bag with nothing but wrapped hands. The punching bag swung back and forth violently with each connection. His bare torso already glistened with sweat. His muscles bunched and flexed, making my mouth go dry.
But as I watched him move, I saw the anger beneath each motion. The rage. Normally, that kind of emotion would’ve sent me running back up the stairs. But Lawson didn’t scare me. He never would.
Lawson moved around the heavy bag with blow after blow until I came into his line of sight. He jerked upright, chest heaving. He simply stared at me for a long moment, then stalked toward me.
I swallowed hard but stayed exactly where I was.
He hit a button on the wall, and the rock music cut off. “Something wrong?”
The anger was still humming there, below the surface.
“Yes.”
Lawson’s deep blue eyes went on alert. “What’s going on?”
I stared at him for a moment. “Something’s eating you alive.”
That muscle beneath Lawson’s eye fluttered. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not in your job description.”
It was a blow intended to hurt, but I wouldn’t let it stop me. I knew how he operated now. When you got too close to a vulnerability for him, Lawson shoved you back. But I wouldn’t let him do that this time.
“You saw me at my worst possible moment. Sliced to hell. Freezing to death. Scared out of my mind.”
The muscle fluttered more wildly now.
“Trust me to hold whatever’s tearing you up.”
Lawson didn’t say a word, but his eyes never left mine.
“Please, Blue.”
He sucked in a breath at the name I’d only called him two other times.
He moved in closer. So close I could smell the sweat clinging to him. “I’m trying to keep my distance, Hallie. For both our sakes.”
My heart hammered against my ribs. “What if I don’t want you to keep your distance?”
Lawson’s jaw clenched in a vicious squeeze, but his hand lifted. His knuckles skimmed across my cheek. “I don’t deserve to be close to you. To touch this skin.”
Blood roared in my ears. “Why?”
His hand dropped away. “I don’t love my ex-wife.”
My head spun at the turn of conversation.
“Thought I did once. Turned out I was just an early twenties walking hormone being led around by my dick.”
I stayed quiet. Watching. Waiting. Hoping he would explain.
“She was beautiful. So damned fun. Always looking for the next adventure. The next high.” Lawson shook his head.
“Not drugs, but I guess that didn’t matter.
It was a high all the same. Parties, daredevil stunts, trips at the drop of a hat.
I think growing up in a small town made her feel stifled, trapped. ”
He let out a long breath. “When Melody got pregnant, we weren’t expecting it. Hell, we hadn’t even talked about marriage. We were still young, barely twenty-two. But I wanted to do the right thing and have our kid grow up in a real family. So, I asked her to marry me.”
Of course, he had. Lawson would always do whatever he could to give his kids the best life possible. Even if it meant him losing out on that once-in-a-lifetime type of love.
“Melody wasn’t sure she wanted to get married, but I convinced her. She settled down for a bit once Luke was born, and we had Drew, too. She wanted me to quit my job so we could use my trust fund to travel the world. Wanted us to take off and leave the kids with my parents every weekend.”
“But that’s not you,” I whispered.
“No. I like work, purpose. I like my life here, and I love my family.” He squeezed the back of his neck. “When I wouldn’t go, she started taking off alone. Just weekends at first, then longer. She said that I worked too much, and she felt like a single parent.”
My stomach twisted. Lawson would’ve taken that accusation like a punch to the gut. “I know you, Lawson. I know you would never put your job before your family. But that doesn’t mean your career isn’t important.”
His jaw worked back and forth. “It was an escape. From her. From a marriage I knew in my gut didn’t work.”
“Which means you’re human.”
He shook his head. “It means I failed. I finally suggested couples therapy and thought it had worked. Things seemed to get better. We were never close like we’d been when we were young, but I thought things were working.”
Lawson laughed, but it was an ugly sound. “Turned out she was racking up tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt and having affairs with guys she met on a dating app.”
“Lawson,” I croaked.
His hands fisted and flexed. “It wasn’t that I even thought I loved her. I’d realized that what we had was young infatuation. But I wanted my boys to have a mom. What I gave them was a selfish, reckless imitation of one.”
My eyes flared as I watched Lawson’s breathing go ragged.
“I worked longer shifts then. A lot of nights because I was lower in the ranks. Melody hid it well. I didn’t realize what she was doing.”
That nausea flared again as panic set in.
“I got a call from an unknown number. It was Luke. Ten years old and scared out of his mind. Drew was crying in the background. Charlie, only a few months old, was bawling uncontrollably.”
My hands fisted, fingernails digging into my palms.
“That bitch took them to a party with one of the guys she was seeing and shoved them in a room. It was loud as hell, and they were so damned scared. Had no adult watching them. And that fear turned to terror when they heard gunshots.”
“Lawson…”
His eyes reddened, tears gathering there.
“Luke snuck out of the bedroom and found a cell phone. I stayed on the line with my boy while I had the number traced. Got a location, and we rode out. Turned out the guy Melody was fucking was a well-known dealer in the area. Someone had shown up thinking they could rob him. Two people were killed. Three more wounded.”
I wanted to strangle the woman. I couldn’t begin to imagine how Lawson had felt.
“Got up to the room, and my boys were shaking and sobbing. Drew had wet his pants, too scared to find a bathroom. Charlie’s diaper was full and soiled. He hadn’t been fed and was so dehydrated he needed an IV. Luke didn’t talk for a week.”
Tears filled my eyes, spilling over and tracking down my cheeks.
“I don’t love my ex-wife. I hate her with everything in me. The only person I hate more is me, for not seeing her for who she truly was.”
I didn’t think. I just moved, launching myself at Lawson and wrapping my arms around him. I gripped him as hard as I could, trying to comfort the man who took everything on his shoulders. But Lawson didn’t move at all.