Chapter 26
LAWSON
My breaths came in ragged pants as Hallie’s arms wound around me, her slight form pressed against me, her arms far stronger than they looked.
“It wasn’t your fault, Lawson.”
Those words on her lips, my name on her tongue were almost too much to bear. “Hallie,” I croaked.
“It wasn’t. You were trying to make it work, to give your boys a family. You didn’t know.”
“I knew that Melody was flighty, that she’d take off for a weekend at the drop of a hat,” I argued.
Hallie pulled back, but her hands held my arms tightly. “Did she ever leave your children without appropriate supervision?”
“No. She’d drop them at my parents’ or wait until I was home—”
“See?” she pressed.
“I should’ve known.”
Hallie scowled at me. “Are you a psychic and didn’t tell me?”
I wanted to laugh but couldn’t get my mouth to obey. “Not a psychic.”
“Then it wasn’t your fault.”
Any hint of humor slid away as I stared down into Hallie’s face. “I could’ve lost them. One of those bullets could’ve gone through the ceiling or they could’ve come out of that room and been caught in the crossfire.”
Hallie gripped my arms tighter. “And I can’t imagine how terrifying that was. But you have to stop punishing yourself for something that isn’t yours to atone for.”
“You sound like my mom.”
Hallie’s brows rose at that.
“She said something similar tonight,” I explained.
Hallie’s hold on me released. “And that set you off.”
“Maybe…” I admitted.
Her finger skated across my wrap-covered knuckles. “And this is how you process.”
“It’s the only thing that seems to keep the demons at bay.” The self-hatred.
Hallie’s expression softened. “You hurt yourself because you think you deserve it.”
“I’m not hurting myself.”
Her fingers tugged the end of the wrap free and began unwinding. The fabric dropped to the floor. She moved to the other hand and did the same thing, then lifted it. There were tiny tears in the skin along my knuckles.
I didn’t usually hit hard enough to bleed, but tonight had been especially bad.
Hallie lifted my hand and pressed her lips to my knuckles.
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Hallie…”
Her eyes shifted to mine. So innocent and trusting.
“I can’t,” I rasped. “It doesn’t matter how much I want to.”
“But you do want to?” There was hope in that voice. So much of it.
And I found that I couldn’t extinguish it. I could’ve lied and told her I wasn’t attracted to her, but that would’ve hurt her, and I couldn’t stand to cause Hallie any more pain.
“Hallie, you’re the most stunning woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Your kindness and empathy only make you more beautiful. But your bravery? It steals my breath.”
Her eyes turned molten silver. She stretched up onto her tiptoes, her mouth getting closer and closer to mine. Blood roared in my ears as my breath caught. Then she stopped.
I realized why. She was giving me the choice. She knew far too much about choices being ripped away. She’d never do that to me, even though I could’ve stopped her with one single step.
Hallie hovered there, just shy of my mouth, her scent wrapping around me. It was too much. She’d been pulling me in since the moment she stepped out of her car. Pulling me under. And I wanted to drown in her taste.
I closed the last of the distance and took her mouth. Not forcefully, but not all that gentle either. The need was too great.
Hallie’s lips parted, welcoming me in and letting me take.
My tongue stroked hers, teasing, toying. And God, her taste. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I never wanted any other flavor.
My arms encircled her, pulling her into me, and she let out a tiny moan that had my dick hardening. My hand slid to her ass, and she stiffened slightly.
The tension had me yanking myself out of the haze of lust.
Hallie’s gaze was wide, her fingers going to her lips. “That was…”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”
She looked confused.
“You tensed when my hand moved.”
Hallie bit her lip. “I liked it.”
I studied her for a moment. “But it made you nervous.”
She was quiet for a moment and then nodded. “He never touched me. Not like that. He wanted us to submit first. To say we’d marry him.”
Rage flared somewhere deep. That monster might not have assaulted Hallie in that way, but the threat was there. Anything sexual had to be confusing as hell for her. “I’m so damned sorry.”
Hallie’s eyes flashed. “I don’t want anyone to be sorry. I want to be normal. I want to know what it’s like to turn someone on. I want to feel sexy in my body and powerful. I want to know what it feels like to break apart.”
“Hallie,” I began.
“I don’t want your pity,” she spat.
“The last thing I feel for you is pity. Take a look at my goddamned shorts.”
Her gaze dipped, and her mouth fell open in an adorable O-shape. “Oh.”
“Yeah. So, I’d say you can cross turning someone on off your list.”
The smile that split her face socked me right in the gut. “I can?”
“You can.” I moved in closer, pulling her into my arms. “I don’t know the right way to go about this. Hell, I’m your boss—”
“And my friend,” Hallie cut me off.
“And my friend. But this is complicated, and I don’t ever want to push. I think you need to be in the driver’s seat. You need to be in control.”
Hallie nibbled the corner of her lip. “Okay.” Her gaze lifted to mine. “What do you want?”
I stared down at her, knowing I would likely go to hell for admitting it, for tasting her just once. “I want you, Hallie. But I’m the last thing you need.”