17. Jane
17
JANE
M y alarm sounded and I switched it off.
It was Monday morning and I hadn’t slept well again.
I’d kept replaying the moment that I saw the brick flying through the window on Saturday night. It was almost like it’d happened in slow motion. I was frozen with shock because it was the last thing I expected.
Everything was still so confusing. Was someone targeting the library or were they aiming for me?
That didn’t really make sense. As far as I could remember, I hadn’t upset anyone. I was an eternal people pleaser. I always tried to avoid rocking the boat, so maybe Jess and Theo were right. It was someone targeting the library.
The fact that it might be Theo’s dad was awful. But I more than most people understood what it was like to have a father who was rotten.
I was glad that we’d ignored his attempt to make us fail and gone ahead with the evening. It was a huge success and seeing the relief on Jess’s face made everything worth it. I knew she was under a lot of financial pressure.
Another reason I didn’t sleep well was because I was thinking about Jackson.
When he raced into the room and saw what had happened, genuine concern was etched on his face. He really cared. He wanted to make sure I was safe.
Throughout the evening, he kept checking on me, and when he offered to walk me home, of course I wanted to accept, but I knew he was tired and he’d already been so kind, so I didn’t want to put him out.
Although talking about not going to uni was painful, I was touched that he’d remembered how important it used to be to me.
And I loved when we talked about books. I was so happy when he’d said he’d started reading Office Delight (and relieved when he didn’t tease me about all the tabs). Then when I told him what I was reading, he listened intently. I felt like even if I gushed about the book for hours, he wouldn’t mind.
Jackson made me feel like I could be myself. That was why it was so hard to tell him it was best that he didn’t walk me to the door.
What I said was true, though. I didn’t want to drag him into any family drama. If Dad saw him, he’d go mad and make my life here even more hellish than it was already.
No . I just had to toe the line.
I reckoned that if we kept doing these events at the library, we should be financially stable, and hopefully in a few months, once I knew my job was secure, I’d have enough for a deposit and the first two rent payments and could start looking for a place.
It wouldn’t be easy, but I just needed to hold on for a bit longer.
After I’d showered, dressed and picked up my bag, I crept down the stairs, hoping I could avoid bumping into Dad. But just as I got to the bottom step, he came to the kitchen doorway.
‘Jane. Get here. Now!’ he snapped.
I sighed, then headed to the kitchen.
‘You called,’ I said flatly.
‘You need to take a day off work tomorrow. We’re going to get some family photos done for my campaign. The voters will want to see that we’re a happy, stable family.’
‘That’s a joke,’ I muttered.
‘What did you say? Speak up, girl!’
‘Nothing.’
I wouldn’t be going. Not just because it was too short notice, but because there was no way I was going to lie for him.
‘I’ve also arranged for Ricky to stand in as your boyfriend, so people don’t think you’re some sad cat lady.’
My jaw dropped.
Was he serious?
Of course he was.
‘Best you take the whole day off, in case we can get the local paper to do an interview too.’
‘No.’ The word flew out of my mouth.
‘What do you mean, no ?’ He clenched his jaw. ‘I’ve told you what I need you to do and that’s it. Whilst you’re living under my roof and eating the food I pay for, you will do as I say.’
Anger fizzed in my stomach.
I hated this man so much.
I thought about what Jackson had said last night about standing up to my dad. He was right.
The idea of me doing a photoshoot with this man, smiling like we were all one happy family and pretending to share his archaic, toxic, disgusting views made me want to puke.
Yes, I was living under his roof, but I paid my way. I wasn’t staying for free. And I was only here because I was desperate.
Sleeping in this house was one thing, but publicly declaring that I supported a bigot was a step too far.
‘No,’ I said, louder this time, but still avoiding his gaze.
‘Are you defying me?’ He ground his jaw.
My heart thundered against my chest. I’d never disagreed with him in person before and the shock was written all over his face.
‘I said I’m not doing it!’ I raised my voice, trying to stop my hands from shaking. ‘I… I’m going.’
I raced towards the door.
‘Jane!’ he bellowed. ‘Get back here, now !’
His heavy footsteps followed behind me, but luckily I was able to sprint through the door before he caught up.
I continued running, terror coursing through my veins and didn’t stop until I’d reached the station.
My heart was racing dangerously fast. It was thundering before, but now after running the mile and a half here without stopping, I was gasping for breath. But I had to keep going. I didn’t know if he’d come after me, so after taking my pass out of my bag, I rushed through the gates and to the platform, where luckily a train was waiting.
I dived into the closest carriage just as the doors were about to close, then flopped onto the seat, relief washing over me.
As my mind replayed what had happened, my chest tightened.
I couldn’t believe he’d asked Ricky, my brother’s awful deadbeat friend, to pretend to be my boyfriend. I wondered if he’d offered to pay him?
Just the fact that he was going to lie about me being coupled up and get someone to act as my partner was another reason he couldn’t be trusted to hold a position of power.
God.
How did my life become like this?
Fat, salty tears rolled down my cheeks. And once they started falling, more followed until I was sobbing like a baby.
I turned to face the window, in an attempt to stop the other passengers from seeing me, reached into my handbag for a tissue and took off my glasses. As soon as I’d wiped away the tears, more fell.
The driver announced that the next stop was Sunshine Bay.
After putting my glasses back on, I dragged myself from my seat, feeling the eyes of the other passengers burning into me. As soon as the doors opened, I hauled myself off the train, then went through my bag again, hunting for another tissue, but I’d used them all up .
‘Jane?’ I heard my name being called and instantly recognised the voice without having to turn around.
It was Jackson.
At first I was happy. If ever I needed a friend and someone who could instantly lift my mood, it was now.
But then I remembered that I’d just spent the whole train journey crying and must look an absolute state. So the last person I wanted to see me at my worst was him.
‘Jane!’ he called out again and then before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. ‘Oh my God. Are you okay? Have you been crying?’
Right on cue, another giant tear rolled down my cheek and my head dropped to the ground.
‘Fuck!’ Jackson gasped. ‘What’s wrong? What happened?’ He reached forward and gently swiped his thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tear.
The sensation of his thumb against my skin made my whole body come alive.
‘Talk to me.’ He softened his voice. ‘Come on. We don’t have to open the library for another half an hour. Let’s go for a walk on the beach. Okay?’
I nodded.
We walked in silence, and as I watched the waves gently roll towards the shoreline, my shoulders relaxed a little.
‘It’s so peaceful here, isn’t it?’ Jackson broke the silence.
I nodded again. He was right. Everything about this town was soothing. I wished I could live here instead.
Although I was feeling calmer, I still wasn’t ready to talk. But at least I’d stopped crying. Jackson had some kind of magical ability to instantly put me at ease .
‘Shall we sit?’ Jackson gestured to the wooden bench.
I followed him and sat down, being sure to leave enough distance. I could already feel myself being drawn to Jackson and now wasn’t the time to think about how attractive I found him. I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do about my situation.
‘So…’ he said softly. ‘Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?’
This time, I shook my head.
I gazed out to the sea. Sometimes in the mornings when I came here I’d spot a boat in the distance, but today there was nothing. Just the deep, dark blue water stretching to the horizon.
‘I hate seeing you cry,’ Jackson said. I quickly raised my hand to my cheek. I hadn’t even realised that thinking about staying at my parents’ house less than a minute ago had made me start crying again. ‘I know you’re not ready to talk yet, so can I give you a hug? Whenever I felt sad, that’s what my mum used to always do and it was like medicine. It instantly made me feel better. Do you want to try?’
Hearing that he wanted to hug me made my heart instantly bloom.
A hug was what I desperately needed right now. I felt so sad that I’d take a hug from anyone, but the fact that it was Jackson offering was the cherry on top.
I knew I shouldn’t, though. I liked Jackson too much to be that close to him without my feelings getting out of control, but I was too sad, too broken to refuse.
I nodded, then looked up at Jackson. Our eyes locked and after a few moments, Jackson leant forward slowly, then wrapped his arms around me .
Oh. My. God.
This wasn’t just a hug.
This was everything.
The warmth from his solid chest.
The feel of his muscular arms wrapped around my back.
His intoxicating scent.
Feeling his heart beat.
This was the most amazing thing.
Ever.
I wanted to stay here, in his arms, forever.
Right now, I felt safe. Cared for. Like someone actually had my back.
As I sat here, the sea breeze tickling my skin, a wave of happiness washed over me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had hugged me. Like, really hugged me. Not just a quick friendly hug, but a long, lingering embrace.
This year? No. Last year? In the last decade?
Maybe never.
It didn’t matter, though, because I already knew that nothing could ever top this.
Jackson pulled away slowly and I instantly missed his warmth. He looked me in the eyes and I couldn’t drag my gaze away.
I thought he was amazing before, but now, I didn’t need a mirror to know that I was looking at him like he’d just invented cake and ice cream.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered.
‘Did it work? Do you feel better?’
‘Yes. Much better.’
‘Good. ’
‘It was my dad,’ I said, dragging off my glasses before my gaze dropped to my lap. ‘He… he wants me to… he wants to become a local MP and he wants me to do some stupid photoshoot and interview playing happy families. But I can’t do that! I don’t want to be associated with him and his views. But I… I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to get out of it.’
I started to blubber like a baby. I didn’t even tell him the bit about my dad hiring my brother’s friend to be my boyfriend. I couldn’t. My emotions were already all over the place. I knew it was good to let everything out, but at the same time I was embarrassed. Jackson must think it was so pathetic that a grown woman like me was being ordered around by her dad.
Any minute now he was going to tell me to woman up, stop being so stupid and pull myself together.
But instead, without saying a word, he leant forward, wrapped his arms around me again and stroked my back gently.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ he whispered. ‘You’ll get through this. I promise.’
Hearing his kind words made me sob onto his shoulder even more.
I didn’t know how many minutes had passed, but eventually, I stopped crying. Probably because my body had no water left for tears.
Jackson still continued stroking my back in a soothing circular motion and my heart rate slowed. So did my breathing.
This time, I pulled away slowly, then gasped when I saw that his shoulder was completely soaked.
‘I’m so sorry!’ I said .
‘Why?’
‘Your shoulder! It’s covered in tears and probably snot. God!’ I winced.
‘It’s just a shirt.’ He smiled. ‘I have others. Don’t worry about it. Normally I have a pack of tissues, but I forgot them today, so you’re welcome to use my shirt instead.’ He smiled, then reached up and wiped my damp cheek, just like he’d done at the station, and once again my body reacted to the heat from his thumb.
‘Thanks for listening and not calling me a baby.’
‘I’d never do that.’ He shook his head. ‘Look, I get it. I know it’s not easy to escape when someone is so controlling and your options are limited. And I totally understand why you feel so conflicted. I respect you for being brave enough to tell him no. For staying true to yourself and your beliefs.’
‘Thanks,’ I said.
As we looked into each other’s eyes in silence, so many thoughts raced through my mind.
First, how grateful I was for his kindness. Before he’d seen me at the station, I’d felt so low and genuinely hadn’t known how I was going to get through the day. But now, I felt calmer.
Second, I thought again about how much I loved his dark, sparkly eyes. They were literally the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen.
Third, I considered if it’d be weird to kiss him. Not on the lips, of course, I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable. It was just that saying thank you alone didn’t seem like enough. Maybe a cheek kiss conveyed more emotions ?
In the end, I leant forward, my heart thundering against my chest, and this time, I wrapped my arms around him.
‘You have no idea how much you’ve helped me or how much I appreciate your kindness. Thank you again.’
‘You’re welcome,’ he whispered.
Just as I started to wonder how long I could keep holding him before I had to pull away, the alarm sounded on my phone.
‘Shit!’ I sprang back, put my glasses on, then looked at my watch. ‘I need to open the library in five minutes. We’re going to be late, I’ll never be able to walk there in time!’
‘Give me your keys.’ Jackson held out his hands.
‘What? Why?’ I asked.
Jackson hadn’t been given keys yet as he’d only recently joined. I was sure that’d change soon, though.
‘We won’t make it if we walk, but I’ll get there in time if I run.’
‘Oh. Okay. Thanks.’ I trusted Jackson and I was sure Jess and Theo wouldn’t mind. After reaching in my handbag and finding the keys, I handed them to him.
‘See you there!’ he said, sprinting off into the distance.
I’d always believed that men that swooped in and saved the day only existed in books or films, but Jackson had just proved that heroes really did exist.
If only fairy-tale endings happened in real life too.