25. Jackson
25
JACKSON
I couldn’t believe I was contemplating whether to go down on Jane.
My colleague.
My friend.
My childhood sweetheart, who I’d recently discovered was a virgin .
Fuck.
This was another very, very bad idea.
Especially after what had happened the last time.
But like I’d just said, not all women were the same. This was different, right?
This was Jane .
I knew her. I could trust her. She wasn’t going to tell lies, blackmail me or do whatever she could to ruin my life when I told her I didn’t want to take things further like Alicia had done.
Jane didn’t have a bad bone in her body.
She was the kind of person who’d gently scoop up a spider in a glass and take it outside rather than kill it. Jane would rather be irritated by a fly buzzing around her than swat one like most people.
Alicia and Jane couldn’t be more different.
It was a relief to tell Jane what happened.
After Jane shared what happened with her ex, I thought about telling her that I’d also had a bad experience of getting involved with a colleague, but put it off.
But I saw the disappointment in her face when I turned her down and I needed her to know it wasn’t because I didn’t want her.
I’d never wanted anyone more.
Anyway, this wasn’t about me and my needs. This was about Jane.
Seeing her upset was my kryptonite. I couldn’t stand the fact that she felt like I’d rejected her because she wasn’t desirable.
It didn’t seem to matter how many times I told her that wasn’t true, the words weren’t sinking in. And like the saying goes: actions speak louder than words.
I couldn’t let my mistakes with Alicia and her vindictive actions affect how I acted towards Jane. That wouldn’t be fair.
If I went down on Jane, if I did that one small gesture, it’d boost her confidence. It’d finally make her see just how desirable, powerful and beautiful she really was.
I could do that.
It was no big deal.
Mum and Dad always taught me that if you were in a position to help someone in need, as long as it wasn’t illegal and wouldn’t cause others harm, you should.
At the time, I’m sure they had different things in mind than performing oral sex on a co-worker, but the principle was the same.
Right now, Jane’s confidence was at rock bottom and if I fucked her with my mouth, I knew that I could give Jane her first orgasm from a man and her first oral sex experience.
After that, she’d feel more confident and she could go out there and find someone else to take her virginity.
That was too important for me to mess with, so it’d just be oral sex. No kissing or penetration. After all, having a man go down on her was her ultimate fantasy, right? And we were on a sofa. Plus the library was her favourite place, so it’d be a perfect experience for her.
It wasn’t a good idea on paper, but my gut told me I should do it. This time it would be different. It’d be fine.
‘I really want to taste you, Jane.’ I continued holding her gaze. ‘But if I do this… if I drop to my knees, right here, right now, and feast on your pussy, it could only be a one-off. We wouldn’t be in a relationship. There’d be no kissing, no cuddling or sex afterwards. I’m not going to take your virginity. It’s too important. Save it for someone who really means something to you. I’d only be doing this to prove that you are desirable, sexy and beautiful. Because I want you to know how good it feels to have an orgasm given to you by someone else. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ She nodded quickly. ‘But only if you’re sure?’
‘I’m sure. But once I do this, we shouldn’t talk about it again. I don’t want it to come between us or ruin our friendship. Do you think that’s possible?’
‘Yes.’ Her eyes were the size of saucers.
I knew she was excited, but I still had a chance to back out of this .
It wasn’t too late.
But when Jane bit her lip, then brushed her finger over her nipple before trailing her hand down to her stomach and beneath her skirt, I knew I was too far gone.
I threw off the blanket and leapt off the sofa.
Then dropped to my knees in front of her.
This was probably going to be a big mistake, but fuck it .
I was going to do it anyway.