37. Jane
37
JANE
‘ S ee you tomorrow.’ I smiled at Jackson as we stopped at the corner of the road near my parents’ house.
The temptation to kiss him was so strong, but I resisted. It was now Thursday, so there was only eight more days until I moved into the B&B. It didn’t make sense to rock the boat by putting on a show for the neighbours. We just had to hold on for a bit longer and then we’d be free.
‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ Jackson said. ‘I’ll wait until you’re inside.’
‘Thanks.’ I smiled again. I loved how he always did that.
It was almost midnight. We’d worked the late shift and once we’d locked up, we’d managed to read for a whole hour before the sparks started flying again and we ended up sleeping together.
Lately, sex with Jackson had been different. It wasn’t always the wild, frenzied fucking we’d done in the beginning. It was slower and more sensual. Like making love. The connection between us felt deeper.
I was so far gone for him it was crazy. Now I finally understood that giddy feeling I read about whenever the main characters fell for each other.
Just like sex, I could now one hundred per cent confirm that falling in love definitely lived up to the hype. The butterflies, the feeling of floating on a cloud, the warm intoxicating sensations that flooded me whenever I saw Jackson were real.
It was so hard to drag ourselves away from that sofa, but we didn’t want to miss the last train, so after we’d finished snuggling, we’d cleaned up, then raced to the station, only making it with two minutes to spare.
Now, though, it was back to reality. The one good thing about coming back late was that I didn’t have to interact with anyone. Especially if I left the house early in the morning too. So far I’d gone three days without seeing any of my family and that was just the way I liked it. If I could keep this up until I moved out next week, that’d be perfect.
After pulling my keys out of my pocket, I opened the front door as quietly as I could, then closed it gently behind me.
Just as I was about to climb the stairs, from the corner of my eye, I saw something move in the darkness.
‘Finally decided to come home, did you?’ Dad’s voice boomed from the living room and I almost jumped out of my skin. ‘You’ve been treating this house like a bloody hotel!’
He flicked on the lamp and when I turned to look, he had a face like thunder .
‘D-Dad,’ I stuttered, my heart thumping against my chest. ‘Why are you sitting there in the dark?’
‘Where have you been?’ he shouted, his face getting redder by the second.
‘Out,’ I said.
‘With that black man?’ he snapped.
My stomach plummeted.
How did he know I was with Jackson? Had he seen him waiting for me to go inside the house?
‘Do you mean Jackson ? The man that I work with?’
‘I don’t care what his name is! Answer the question. Were you with him?’
‘Yes,’ I replied. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
‘And he’s the one you’ve been with… he’s the reason you’ve been coming home late every night?’ He ground his jaw.
‘Sometimes I have to work late.’
‘Don’t give me that crap about working !’ he spat. ‘You’ve been staying out late and not coming home because you’ve been with him ! Have you…? Did you have sex with him?’
‘That’s none of your business!’ I swallowed hard.
Now he looked like he was about to explode.
‘No, no, no !’ he screamed, leaping out of the chair. ‘My pure, sweet, innocent daughter has been defiled by a… bl…’
‘A what ? A black man?’ I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes. That was the second time he’d referenced Jackson’s skin colour. ‘What’s your problem? What does it matter what colour he is?’
‘I don’t agree with it.’
‘That’s racist! ’
‘I’m not racist, I just think people should stick with their own!’
‘I cannot believe you said that!’ I shouted, my blood boiling hotter than a kettle. Then again, this was my bigoted dad, so I shouldn’t be surprised. ‘We’re all human beings! We’re living in the 2020s not the 1920s! England is a multicultural country. We’re free to date whoever we want. Jackson’s colour shouldn’t matter. You should be happy that I’ve found someone I love!’
‘You love him?’
Shit. I didn’t mean to tell my dad how I felt before I’d even confessed my feelings to Jackson, but it had just slipped out. I wasn’t embarrassed, though. I needed Dad to know that this was serious. And I needed him to stop being such an ignoramus.
‘Yes, I love him! He’s amazing. He’s smart, kind, caring and honest. Jackson’s the perfect gentleman and he treats me like a queen. That should be enough.’
Dad put his head in his hands and staggered backwards towards the chair like he’d just heard I’d been found guilty of murder, not that I’d shared the good news that I was finally happy and in love.
‘I knew I was too soft on you! I should’ve been stricter. Then this wouldn’t have happened. This is going to ruin my campaign before it’s even begun! How could you do this?’ he yelled. ‘Imagine what people will say!’
‘Oh, I don’t know! Maybe they’ll be happy I’ve found someone who makes me happy, adores and treasures me and will think that’s more important than the colour of his skin. Radical, right?!’ I said sarcastically.
‘You’re to stop seeing him, immediately! Before anyone else finds out. You’ll come straight home after work and you’ll start dating Ricky. Hopefully he hasn’t heard about your indiscretions and will still agree to make you look acceptable. If anyone finds out my daughter is a whore, I’ll never be elected!’
I blinked quickly, trying to take in what I thought I’d just heard.
Did he just…?
No.
Dad was an arsehole, but he wouldn’t have gone that far. I must’ve misheard.
‘Did you just call me a whore?’ I said, my eyes wide with shock.
‘You heard what I said! You’re a disgrace to this family. Sleeping around. Coming home at all hours of the morning! It’s disgusting!’
‘No! You are disgusting!’ Anger bubbled inside me. I was so angry that it felt like I had fire in my veins. ‘You’re a disgusting, bigoted, ignorant, poor excuse for a human being and I’m ashamed that you’re my dad!’
‘Watch your mouth, girl!’ He raced towards me, pushing his face just millimetres away from mine. The stench of alcohol and his stale breath flooded my nostrils and I jolted back.
Mum rushed down the stairs, terror written all over her face.
‘Don, please,’ she pleaded.
‘Stay out of this!’ he snapped, then pointed at me, his hand shaking with anger. ‘You will apologise to me, right now! I will not tolerate this disrespect in my house. You’ll do what I say, otherwise you’re out! ’
‘You know what?’ I put my hands on my hips. ‘Fuck you. And fuck your stupid, toxic house! I’d rather sleep on the street than be anywhere near you for another second.’
I scooped my bag up from the floor, stormed to the front door, opened it, then slammed it shut before sprinting down the street.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and my heart thundered against my chest. I had to get as far away from that house as I could.
It was only when I saw the main road in the distance that I realised I had no idea where I was going.
After stopping to catch my breath, I fished out my phone and dialled Jackson’s number.
He answered after two rings.
‘Jane? You okay?’
‘No.’ My tears continued falling. I yanked off my glasses and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. ‘I… can I come over? I couldn’t take it anymore, Jackson. He was waiting for me when I got home and we had a massive argument. He knows about us and I…’
‘Where are you?’
‘I don’t know. A few streets away. Near the main road.’ I looked for the sign, then told Jackson the street name and the number of the house I was in front of.
‘Don’t move. I’m coming right now.’
When I put the phone down, I started sobbing and shaking.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
There was no way I was expecting Dad to have waited up for me.
My stomach twisted as I thought about all those horrible things he’d said. His disgust towards Jackson. What he’d called me. He was just vile.
Normally, I’d never have argued back. I just swallowed his toxic words and walked away.
But tonight, after decades of biting my tongue and pushing my words back down, never saying what I wanted to, everything just bubbled to the surface. No, it didn’t bubble. It exploded.
Tonight was the last straw.
Everyone had their limits. Including me. If you keep goading and pushing someone, even a person who was normally a mild-mannered people-pleaser like me was going to lose it. And I just did.
I didn’t know who I was in there.
If someone had predicted that I would tell my strict, super controlling dad to fuck off, I would’ve said they were mad.
But that was what I’d just done. And do you know what? I wasn’t sorry about it. He deserved to be put in his place for a change.
I wasn’t pushover Jane anymore. Working at the library and doing something I was actually good at had boosted my confidence. The support and appreciation I received from Jess and Theo had also made me feel better in my skin.
And then there was Jackson.
The affection and kindness he’d shown me made me feel like I mattered. He saw me. He understood and accepted me. And I felt stronger for it. With him by my side I felt like I could move mountains. That was probably why telling an idiot like Dad to sod off wasn’t as terrifying as it would’ve been a couple of months ago.
It was actually liberating.
Yep.
I’d found my voice.
And now, I intended to use it.