21. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
Blaze
I know something’s wrong. Addy’s not even really talking to me, and what was with switching seats?
Like come on , Addy.
I had to sit next to some guy who wanted to talk hockey for ten freaking hours. Meanwhile, she’s laughing it up with some lady that I’ve never seen before in my life—like the two of them are old friends or something…
I toss our bags into the back of my Jeep and take a deep breath as Addy climbs into the passenger seat. She’s wearing leggings and an oversized T-shirt, and I try hard not to stare—which is starting to become a problem. This vacation has made me all too aware of how gorgeous she is. And I hate the way my body responds when I look at her, giving me the urge to kiss her until I’m blue in the face.
My Vans are quiet on the pavement as I pop open the driver’s side door. There’s a part of me that wants to instantly grill her with questions, and the other part of me just wants to curl up inside of myself. I mean, honestly, I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now—but panicky might be the best term, given that I’m terrified to lose Addy as a result of all this.
But Addy assured me that this fake relationship wouldn’t change anything between us. So I just have to trust, now that we’re back home, things can go back to normal.
“You wanna come over?” I ask her, breaking the silence as I pull away from the curb. “I can get us pizza and we can watch a movie.”
She looks over at me like I’ve just suggested climbing Mount Everest. “Uh … I don’t think so. I’d rather just go home. I’m beat from the flight.”
“Hungover, you mean.”
“What?” she snaps. “Why would I be hungover?”
“I saw you drinking with that lady on the fl—”
“I had three drinks. Over a span of ten hours, Blaze. I’m not drunk. I’m not some alcoholic or something.” Her tone is so sharp that I catch my breath. She rarely talks to me like this … and once again, it makes me feel panicky.
“Okay, sorry,” I say quickly. “I don’t blame you. It’s the last little bit of the vacay before we have to go back to normal life.”
She turns her attention to the window and doesn’t respond. Her blonde hair is slipping from the bun on top of her hair, and my mind flashes with the image of taking it down for her…
STOP.
Stop being a freaking creep.
I sigh and reach for the radio, flipping through the channels until I find something that doesn’t grate my nerves any further. It ends up being some kind of classic rock. I spend the rest of the thirty-minute drive to her townhouse listening to a bunch of now-old guys singing about pouring sugar on themselves and whatever else.
Finally, I pull up to the curb and put my Jeep in park. I slide out to grab her bags for her.
“I can get them,” she huffs, jumping out to join me. “I don’t need you to get my bags.”
“I always get your bags when I pick you up from the airport,” I argue, beating her to them. “It’s just what I do.”
She scowls. “Well, I don’t need you to.” Addy grabs her other suitcase before I can and rips it out of the back of the Jeep, stalking off toward the front of the house. “I can take care of myself,” I hear her add under her breath.
“I know you can take care of yourself. I was just trying to help,” I call after her, slinging the bag over my shoulder and jogging up to catch her as she struggles to climb the front steps. “You grabbed the heaviest one.” I reach down and pluck it from her hands, trying to ignore the way my fingers brush hers.
Addy eyes me, her lips parted slightly, and my heart goes rampant, thudding against my ribcage like I just ran five miles. I quickly step back and away, gesturing for her to open the door. With a heavy sigh, she does.
“I’ll carry them to your room,” I tell her as I step inside, always relieved to smell the crisp cinnamon and vanilla that seems to permeate the air.
“Just leave them here,” she says, still holding the front door open.
I make a face. “I’ll take them upstairs like I always do.”
“Are you seriously going to pretend like I didn’t just say to leave them?” She shakes her head. “I’m tired . I just want to take a long shower to wash this whole vacay out of my system and then go to bed.”
My chest tightens. “Right. Um, okay, then. I’ll just leave them here, if that’s what you want—or I can take them upstairs and put your stuff away for you so that you don’t have to mess with them. I don’t mind, Addy.” I sound desperate. I know I do, but for some reason, I’m worried that if I leave, she might slam the door and never talk to me ever again…
I hate having anxiety.
“Blaze,” Addy says with a sigh, pulling down her hair and raking her hands through her soft curls. “I just want to be alone for a while. We’ve spent the last however many days together, and I just—”
“Want me to leave,” I finish for her, my eyes dropping to my feet. “I get it. I’m sorry.”
“That makes me sound like a villain.” She rubs a hand over her face. “It’s not like that. I’m just tired.”
I nod, masking the hurt. “Yeah, no, I totally get it. Totally. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow. You know, because I always see you on Mondays…”
She gives me a weird look. “You see me almost every day. Go get some sleep.” With that, she sweeps her arm in the general direction of the door. With slumped shoulders, I walk out.
And I’m barely outside before she slams it behind me.
Does she hate me now?
Worry spills into my mind, and I try to push it away as I get back to my Jeep. I rip the door open and climb inside, not wanting to go home. If I go home, that’ll just mean more alone time with my thoughts…
And I can’t stop thinking about her — in all the ways I shouldn’t.
I fish out my cell phone and call Cam, tapping my finger on the steering wheel as I wait for him to answer. Finally, on the fourth or fifth ring, he picks up.
“Hey, Blaze, what’s up?”
“What’re you doing? Can we hit the gym or something?” I don’t even bother trying to explain that I’m back from Hawaii and all that. He has no idea what I was up to—other than going with Addy to a wedding.
“Uh, actually, I’m with Nila right now. We’re about to go out to dinner and spend the evening together. Sorry, man. But maybe we can get together later this week? You know how off-season is, we gotta take the time we can.”
“Oh yeah, I get it,” I say nonchalantly. “Not a big deal at all. I’m just bored.”
There’s a pause. “Since when are you bored? You’re always with Addy.”
I choke out a laugh. “Uh, yeah, but she’s tired from the flight and all that. You know, typical jet lag.”
“Oh yeah, right. Okay, well, Dylan might be available. You might wanna hit him up. He’s literally never doing anything with his life.” Cam laughs, and I hear Nila laughing, too. “Have a good evening,” I tell him before hanging up. I take a deep breath as I pull up Dylan’s number, hoping like heck he isn’t too busy.
“What’s up, man?” he answers immediately. “You back from the islands ?”
“Yeah, what’re you doing?” I ask, then check the time. It’s nearly seven in the evening now, and this is usually when Dylan starts his days.
“Uh, I was just about to head over to Freddy’s to grab dinner, then maybe head out to some of the bars. There’s karaoke night at a few places. You know how much I love karaoke. Wanna join?”
I cringe. I’m not in the mood to listen to his terrible singing, but… “Yeah, okay. Let me swing by my house, shower, and then I’ll meet you at Freddy’s. Can you give me like forty-five minutes or so?”
“Sure thing. Good to know that I won’t be going alone tonight. Kade is up someone else’s butt right now.”
“A girl?”
“No clue.” Dylan chuckles.
I stroll into Freddy’s, a nice local pub, at 7:30 p.m., and while the fatigue pulls at me like never before, I’m relieved to see Dylan. He’s already perched in a booth and waving me down. For whatever reason, I really don’t want to be alone right now.
“You look like crap.” Dylan bursts into laughter as I slide in across from him. “I already ordered your usual. What’s going on?”
“Uh, it’s a long story. And I think I’ve royally messed up.”
Dylan sets his beer down. “Oh? And how could you have possibly messed up? I’m pretty sure you don’t know what failure is on or off the ice.”
“I kissed Addy in Hawaii— twice ,” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “And the second time, I really kissed her. If I hadn’t realized what I was doing… I might’ve… I don’t know…”
Dylan doesn’t look even slightly surprised. “Okay?”
“That’s all you’re going to say?” I exasperate. “Do you not realize that I might’ve screwed up our friendship? My anxiety has been through the roof. I can’t stop spiraling, imagining every possible worst-case scenario. She’s acting weird now, and I’m at a complete loss about where to go from here. And on top of that, now I have these feelings …”
“Whoa.” Dylan holds up his hands. “I have not had enough beer for this kind of conversation yet. But…” He breathes out a sigh. “We all know you’re in love with Addy. I don’t know how you’re only just now realizing this.”
“Uh…”
“Uh, okay, so you don’t want to be more than friends with her?” Dylan cocks his head. “Is that what this is about? Trust me, dude, it’s hard to just be friends once you cross that line.”
“And you know this, how?”
“I just know it,” he says flatly. “Why don’t you want to be more than friends with Addy? The two of you are perfect for each other.”
I shake my head. “Because, even if I wanted to, I don’t know how to navigate a romantic relationship. And I’m not gonna go experimenting on Addy of all people. She’s the most important person in my life. I can’t risk losing her.”
“That sounds like a man who knows how to make a relationship work,” Dylan counters. “A man who will do what it takes to keep the girl. A man who’s in love.”
I let out a flustered sigh. “You sure are great at making assumptions. But what you don’t seem to understand is that I can’t be more than friends with Addy. She’s my only family outside of the team, the only constant in my life. If I lost her, I’d have nothing.”
He shrugs. “So then marry her.”
I sit in stunned silence, mulling over his words. The vision of Addy walking down the aisle toward me in a white gown to become my wife sends a rush of warmth through my veins. But just as fast as the thought comes, the tidal wave of fear rushes in.
Because the reality is, it’s not that simple.