30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Addy
I stare at Blaze’s text, my heart thumping in my chest. I could text him back, but what would I say? I know he knows I’m not into this glamorous stuff. And after a week of trying to look luxurious with the help of my mother, I gave that up so fast.
I don’t know why I thought dressing up and pretending to be something I’m not would help me move on from Blaze. It only made me feel even more out of place in my own skin. And it’s really not much better than pretending to have a relationship to avoid my family’s judgment.
I’m done trying to win the approval of others and losing myself in the process.
Which is why I’m back to wearing my dog-hair covered, off-brand attire.
Well, not tonight. Tonight, I’m in a black floor-length gown that accentuates my curves, and my hair is in a sideswept wave. I look the part, but I feel empty inside… Especially when I think about starting a whole new decade of my life without Blaze in it.
“Hey, gorgeous!” Mom calls to me, sauntering over with a fresh glass of chardonnay for me. “Why the glum face? This night is all about you.”
I stare at her, unable to conjure up why this woman is so excited—or why she keeps looking toward the entrance. As far as I know, all the guests have arrived. Although I don’t know many of them, I appreciate her and my sister’s effort in planning this thing. They’re just trying to help me feel better, and that’s made evident even more so as the lights dim around us and a slideshow starts on the wall of the ornate ballroom. I choke up as pictures of me flip across the screen.
“I had to make this one special.” Mom plants a kiss on my cheek and then joins my dad, who’s chuckling at a picture of Aurora and me with ice cream all over our toddler faces.
I try to find it in me to laugh, standing here as the pictures keep coming, following my life from diapers all the way to college. And then there’s a picture of Blaze and me, my freshman year. I have on his jersey, and his arm is wrapped around my shoulders.
I need air.
I need air now.
Sniffling, I slip through the crowd of people I don’t know, making my way toward the back exit of the building. Pushing through the door, I step out into the warm evening, the back lot aglow by a strand of lights. I glance around at the empty area and blow out a ragged sigh.
“I hate this night,” I mutter to myself, shaking my head and considering what might happen if I just take off and go home.
“Yeah, turning thirty can be hard,” a deep voice says from behind me, followed by the sound of a door closing.
I spin around, my eyes wide at Blaze … in a tuxedo . “Why…”
“Am I here?” he finishes for me.
“No.” I shake my head, trying to conceal a grin. “Why are you in a tux?” I take in his brawny figure, dressed to perfection in an expensive, tailored tuxedo. His hair is perfectly styled, swept to the side, and as I make it to his shoes, I gasp. “You’re wearing your Converse?”
“Yeah…” His voice trails off. “That’s why I’m late. I just couldn’t do the fancy shoes. They were too much.”
I nod, lost in a stupor. I want to be mad at him. I want to yell that I don’t want him here, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Instead, I’m so relieved to see his face that I rush toward him, wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
“I’m so sorry that I blocked you, and I’m sorry that I—”
“Stop.” Blaze lets out a breath. “I need to talk first.”
I loosen my grip, my heart sinking. “If this is about the kisses, we don’t—”
“Addy.” He says my name curtly as he takes a step away from me. “I need to get something off my chest before we start going into all this, okay?”
I nod, wrapping my arms back around myself. “Okay…”
“Okay.” He breathes out the word, and then silence follows.
Tapping my foot, I blow out a sharp breath. “So…”
“This is just really nerve-wracking.” Blaze runs a hand over his face. “But I’m here tonight, because first of all, I haven’t missed your birthday in over a decade.”
I nod. “Uh-huh…”
“And your mom and sister invited me.”
“Okay, I was not expecting that.” I raise my brows, unable to hide my surprise. I cock my hip out, knowing there’s more.
“Also…” Blaze holds my gaze, his eyes locked in on mine. “I love you, Addy—and I don’t mean I love you like a friend. I mean, I love you the whole nine yards, and I have loved you since college. Since the day we met. I thought you were the prettiest klutz I’d ever seen. That’s why I gave you my jersey. I wanted to make you my girlfriend, but I didn’t know how.”
“Blaze…” My voice trails off as tears fill my eyes.
“No, no.” He shakes his head and takes a step toward me. “Let me finish. Our time apart has given me a lot of time to think. And I finally realized why I’ve been so afraid to lose you.”
“Okay…” I say softly, my heart racing as I wait for his next words.
Blaze takes a deep breath and continues, his eyes never leaving mine. “Growing up in foster care, there were times I wondered if that place and those people would become my family. But every time I got my hopes up, it was time to pack up my bags and move on. And I finally realized that’s why I’ve been so terrified to lose you. Because you’ve become my family, Addy. You’re the family I choose.”
“Oh, Blaze.” Tears stream down my face now, and everything suddenly makes sense. “I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying that weight all this time. I had no idea.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t want to burden you with my past, but it’s a part of me—a part that made me who I am today. And the night of your graduation party, when I told you I loved you and you took it the wrong way, it made me think that it was more secure for us to be friends. So, I shoved those romantic feelings so far down in my chest that I thought they’d disappeared. But they didn’t, and the moment I got to pretend to be your boyfriend, I subconsciously realized that was what I’ve always wanted to be.”
“My boyfriend?” I ask, sniffling.
“Yeah, but more than that.” Blaze grabs my hand. “I want to spend forever with you, and to be honest, I don’t want to just date you. I want to sweep you up and marry you, because for some reason, in my head, it feels like if we just date, I run the risk of losing you—which is the whole reason I was scared. But as it turns out, my fear is the reason I almost lost you, anyway. And I’m so sorry for that. I’m sorry that I was scared, and I’m sorry that I didn’t understand myself until now … But I’m—”
“Blaze,” I cut him off. “I love you, too.”
He sighs, his whole body finally relaxing. “Okay, so happy birthday, then? Are we good now? Can we go back to normal?”
I raise my brows as he threads an arm around my waist. “I don’t think we can go back to our old normal, Blaze.”
He chuckles, brushing his nose against mine. “I meant the new normal, Adeline.” His lips brush mine, and I catch my breath as he hums against me. “The moment I kissed you, all I could think about was doing it again.”
“Really?” I giggle as he plants light kisses along my jaw.
“Mhmm,” he murmurs, holding me tighter against me. “You’re like a drug, Addy, and I think I’m addicted.”
“That sounds serious,” I breathe out as his lips trail downward to my neck, and his hands slide to my lower back. “You might need some help.”
“No, thanks.” He chuckles and then lets out a sigh against my skin. “Oh, yeah, wait.” He pulls away, leaving me longing for him to come back. “I got you something. Well, I technically got you two things, but one was a friend gift, and this one is a gift for my girlfriend . Apparently, when I looked it up online, there’s a difference.”
I burst into laughter. “Why did you look it up online? You should never Google relationship advice.”
“Yeah, well, the only other option was your mom, and based on her expensive taste”—he motions to his tux—“I think I might end up buying you a fifty-acre winery in upstate New York.”
“She helped you with that?”
“Yeah, even set the appointment and showed up.”
I can’t hide my surprise. “She had this up her sleeve the whole time.”
Blaze pulls out a box from the inside of his jacket pocket. “Happy Birthday, baby. ” He shoots me a wink that makes me feel like I might pass out. A deep blush tints my cheeks.
“That’s going to take some getting used to,” I say nervously, taking the box from him. “But please tell me you’re not proposing, because the speech was really cute and all, but we probably shouldn’t move that fast…”
“Yeah, yeah.” Blaze motions toward the box. “No engagement ring. I promise.”
I open the box, shocked to see a bracelet with our birthstones alternating in a delicate pattern, complemented with rose gold. “Wow.” I stare at it for a few seconds, running my finger over the pattern. “This is gorgeous.”
“I thought you’d like it. It seemed more us than the other pieces I looked at,” Blaze says quietly. “It’s not custom or anything, but—”
“I love it.” I press my mouth against his. He leans into me and deepens the kiss, his hands cradling my face gently—as if I’m something precious.
I lose myself in the warmth of his touch, feeling a rush of emotions swirling inside me—love, desire, security. We’ve both been waiting for this moment for far too long, and now that it’s finally here, it feels surreal.
I run my fingers through his hair, memorizing every detail of this instant, wanting to capture it forever.
As I pull away, he grins. “We still have a whole party to finish before we can leave…”
I swat his shoulder. “You’re supposed to be a gentleman.”
“I am.” He bursts into laughter, though his face grows hot.
“Good, then help me put this on.” I hold out the bracelet. “My mom is going to die when she sees this.”
He eyes me carefully as he fashions it around my wrist. “Why’s that? It was not cheap…”
“Oh, I know. This is made by one of her favorite designers. She’s going to be so jealous.” I giggle. “I’ll have to only wear it on special occasions.”
“You mean it won’t go with those new Gucci tennis shoes?”
“Ha ha.” I snort, flipping my hair over my shoulder. “I think that was just a desperate phase. I was pretending to be something that I’m not, and I’m done with that. No more pretending. No more striving for other people’s approval. I just wanna be … me.”
Blaze nods, dropping his arm to grab my hand. “Well, for the record, I’ll take you in any form, any day, over anyone else.”
I squeeze his hand. “Right back at you. I’d have taken you well before the NHL swept you up and turned you into a pro athlete that all the girls swoon over.”
He leads me back toward the door. “The only girl I want swooning over me is the one who has been wearing my jersey for a decade.”
The reality of this moment hits me as Blaze opens the door for me, and we step back into my birthday party.
We’re together. For real.
And as if everyone was waiting just for us, the whole crowd at the party erupts into applause, shocking me sideways into Blaze.
“Who are all these people?” Blaze leans into me, his voice barely above a whisper.
I shrug. “No clue.”
“Okay, cool.” Blaze grunts, letting me lead the way to my parents, sister, and grandmas, all standing in a little circle and watching us.
“Family,” I say. “ This is my boyfriend, Blaze.”
Granny Esme makes a face. “Honey, do you think I have dementia? I met him at Aurora’s wedding, for heaven’s sake.”
Blaze and I exchange a look. We burst into laughter.
Some things are better off not being explained.
I raise my glass and squeeze Blaze’s hand. “Here’s to starting my third decade in a new chapter with the love of my life.”