Chapter lxiii
lxiii
I SPENT THAT NEXT WEEK WORKING LATE IN THE office getting a solid pitch done for Rescue Rabbits , along with a draft of the pilot, to share with Phil. I was channeling my feelings for Dax into something productive, something creative, and as much as I still missed him and wanted to share it with him, it felt good to be so immersed in creativity again.
By the time Friday rolled around, I was beat. I was having a cheese-and-crackers dinner with a glass of wine on my couch, reading an article analyzing the success of Bluey , when my phone buzzed. I looked down. It was a message from Darren. The first I’d gotten in about two months.
Since Violet is staying with you tonight, I expect to trade a night next week.
I looked at the message and read it again. “Violet’s not here,” I said out loud to no one. “But if she’s not with me and she’s not with him …”
I picked up the phone and called Darren.
“What are you talking about?” I said to him. “Violet’s not staying with me tonight. I haven’t spoken to her since Wednesday.”
“She said she wanted to sleep at your house,” Darren said, “so I told her fine. I didn’t think I needed to call you. I trusted her.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, panic fluttering in my heart. Where was my child? Why did she lie to Darren? Who was she with?
“I’m trying Find My Friends,” I said, navigating to the app on my phone. Her dot was gone. “She’s not there,” I said.
“What the fuck?” asked Darren. He paused a moment. “She’s not on mine either. Did she turn it off, or is she out of service? I swear, if she turned it off ” His voice trailed off.
We’d never bothered to lock her phone settings—she hadn’t ever given us a reason to.
The panic was taking over my heart, but I needed to think straight.
After I heard Violet telling her best friend, Keisha, earlier this year that she and Ji-ho had found a stairway at school where she could go down on him, I’d taken her out for hot chocolate, a long walk, and a serious talk about sex and pregnancy. It felt like an out-of-body experience, having that conversation with my daughter, and I’m sure she was cringing her way through most of it, but I knew it was important. Was that what she was doing now? Having sex with Ji-ho?
“Let me call Keisha,” I said. “I’ll call you back.”
I got Violet’s best friend on the phone, and after clearly not wanting to tell me anything, she finally admitted that Violet was with Ji-ho and that they’d heard about an underground party in a retired subway station. Ji-ho’s cousin, who went to NYU, wanted to check it out and invited them along. But Keisha swore she didn’t know where it was. I believed her. Keisha has always been a great kid—really responsible—and I could tell she didn’t like that Violet was at that party either.
I asked her to see if she could reach Violet or find out from some other kids where this was. She said she’d try, but that if Vi really was underground, there would be no reception. Which might explain the missing dot on Find My Friends.
I called Darren and reported back.
“So what do we do?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“Can we call some other parents? Some other kids? See who else knows about this?” I could hear him pacing on the other side of the phone. “Maybe find out who this cousin is?”
“And do what?” I asked.
“Go get her!” he said. “Do you have Ji-ho’s parents’ number?”
“I don’t,” I said, cringing as I said it. Why didn’t I? I hadn’t met his parents. I should’ve done that, too.
“Shit,” Darren said. “I don’t either. Should we call the police? Or a hospital? What if she’s hurt?”
At the word hospital my heart stuttered. What if she was hurt? And alone? And needed her parents?
Dax’s face appeared in my mind. “I know someone who works in the ER at NYU,” I said, and hung up.
Fingers shaking, I dialed Dax’s number, wondering if he would even pick up.
“Lucy?” he said, after one ring.
“Dax! Thank goodness,” I replied. “Violet’s missing and apparently went to a party with her boyfriend and his cousin in an abandoned subway station and we don’t know where she is and Darren and I, we were worried she might be in an ER hurt or something … and I just you were the first person I thought of.”
“I okay,” he said. “Okay. I’m just ending my shift, and Violet’s not in this ER. But I think I might be able to help. We did have an NYU kid in the ER last weekend who had taken ayahuasca at a party he told me was underground, at the end of the line. He was hallucinating, but that part of his story seemed real. I’m assuming ‘underground, at the end of the line,’ is an abandoned subway station.”
“Can you call him? Can you find out where exactly the party is?”
“No,” he said, “I can’t do that. But I have some police officer friends who might be able to help. Let me give them a call. If this is a weekly thing, I bet they’ll know where to find it. I’ll text you where to meet me. We can go get her.”
“Thank you,” I said, tears of relief falling from my eyes. “Thank you so much. And … um you’re going to meet my ex-husband. Darren will want to come get her, too.”
I called Darren and told him that she wasn’t at the NYU ER, but that a friend who had connections with the police was going to help us.
He picked me up in his car, and we drove to meet Dax at City Hall in Manhattan. His police officer friends told him there’s an old subway station there where college kids go to party often.
Dax gave me a quick hug when we got out of the car, which made me want to melt into his arms, and then put out his hand to Darren. “I’m Dax Armstrong,” he said.
“Darren Maxwell,” Darren answered, shaking Dax’s hand. “Thanks for the help.”
We spoke to the police and showed them photos of the kids. They said it would be safer if we waited, but Dax convinced them they should have an ER doc on hand if necessary. So he went down with them into the old subway tunnel. Darren and I waited. Neither of us talked for a few minutes.
Then Darren said, “You dating him?”
“I was,” I answered. “I’m not now.”
He nodded. And it made me realize the kids had never told him about the park. I wondered why.
A few minutes later, two ambulances came whirring down the street.
“Could that be for Violet?” Darren asked me.
“No,” I said, my heart plummeting. “Please, no.”
Soon one of the police officers emerged with Violet, who looked pale. I ran over to hug her. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Where’s Ji-ho?”
She started to cry. “They gave him something and he took it. We went here with his cousin Dae, who’s at NYU, and I guess Ji-ho wanted to I don’t know what, but he started acting wild, like some of the other people down there, swinging at imaginary enemies and cowering on the ground. Ji-ho kept saying the dragons were out to get him. Dax said the EMTs will take care of him, but it was so scary.”
I held her closer.
Then Darren came over and started telling her she was grounded from now until he decided otherwise.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, looking at Violet’s pale, scared face.
“Grounded,” Darren said. “No discussion.”
I sighed.
Soon Dax and the EMTs who had gone down into the station came up with about six kids, including Ji-ho, whose cousin was following him, talking on the phone in Korean, I assumed to Ji-ho’s parents.
“The EMTs gave them all diazepam,” Dax said, “which should counteract the hallucinations. Ji-ho should go to the hospital for observation, though. Dae is talking to his parents.”
Violet looked up at Dax and gave him a small, grateful smile. “Thank you for helping him,” she said.
“Time to head back home,” Darren told her, shaking his car keys.
“We should wait for Ji-ho’s parents,” I said.
“I don’t want you seeing him anymore,” Darren said to Violet.
“Dad!” she said at the same time I said, “Darren!”
Four kids had already gone to the hospital in the first two ambulances, and one more was on the way. Dax was waiting with Ji-ho and Dae on a bench not far from where Darren, Violet, and I sat.
While we waited there, the semidarkness settling around us like a cloak, the sound of the ambulance’s siren getting closer, Violet said softly, “I’m sorry.”
“We know, Vi,” I said, squeezing her shoulder.
“And sometimes sorry isn’t enough,” Darren said. “Especially when you lied with the intent to deceive me and Courtney. We’ve been cutting you slack, but this is not okay behavior. At all.”
Violet hung her head.
Ji-ho’s parents arrived just as the ambulances did, and we watched as Dax handed the last two patients off to the EMTs. After the ambulances blared away, Dax came over toward our bench. I stood up and met him halfway.
“Thank you,” I said as I grabbed his hand. “A million times, thank you.”
“I was wondering,” he said, squeezing my fingers, “maybe hoping—does your phone call tonight mean you’re ready to try again? I’ve missed you so much.”
“Me too,” I whispered, knowing my voice would break if I spoke any louder, “but I still don’t think the time is right. I mean, look at Violet.”
What I wanted to say was: Please come home with me. Hold me. Love me. Let me love you. What I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and never let go. But instead, I squeezed his hand again and said, “I’m so grateful for you, Dax. More than I can say.”
He nodded and turned to walk, alone, to the subway. It felt like a piece of my heart went with him.