Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter
Twenty-Three
Theo
The familiar sound of pages turning woke Theo from his sleep.
He slowly opened his eyes, finding Dani sitting opposite him on the library sofa, thumbing through a book in those ridiculously large pajamas.
He watched her for a moment, taking her in before she noticed that he was awake.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out—after they’d had sex, they’d fallen asleep on the sofa in heavenly bliss.
Making love to Dani was more incredible than he’d ever imagined it would be.
The way they moved in sync. How they talked.
Their ability to know what each other wanted and to fulfill those desires.
Dani made him feel special, like his lovemaking was extraordinary.
It wasn’t that he didn’t know what he was doing in the bedroom (or rather, the library), and he thought he looked pretty good naked, but somehow, everything clicked with Dani.
And he wasn’t done with her. If he had things his way, he’d never be.
He just needed to figure out a way to tell her that.
After they were home. He’d tell her how he felt after they were safe once and for all, and all this was over.
Dani turned another page and looked up, catching Theo’s eye. She then smiled and closed the book in her lap.
“Are you spying on me?” she asked.
“Maybe. Looks like perhaps you were creeping on me, too, though,” he said, sitting up and reaching for her, pulling her into his lap. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey,” she said, letting the book she was holding fall beside her on the couch.
He kissed her delicately, no longer needing to rush as if it might be the only opportunity.
“I love watching you read,” he said. “It’s so fucking sexy.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I’ve always found it very hot. You make this face when you’re reading, and then you twist your bottom lip with your thumb and index finger, like this,” he said, demonstrating.
She playfully slapped his hand away. “Oh my God, that is not hot!”
“It is when you do it.”
“Well,” she said, brushing his hair out of his face, “I think it’s sexy when you read.”
He couldn’t help smiling. “How so?”
“Well, first, I like how relaxed you get. Like when you lean back like this,” she said, sliding off his lap and sinking deep into the couch, “and then you put your bare feet up on the coffee table and cross your ankles.”
“I didn’t know you had a foot fetish.”
“No, I have a Theo fetish,” she said, giving him a sexy wink that sent warm fuzzies fluttering in his stomach. “Anyway, I like seeing you let yourself get lost in a book. It’s like you’re finally free of all the other bullshit around you.”
“What are you trying to say?” he said with a slight chuckle as he propped his elbow up on the back of the couch and rested his head.
She shrugged. “I dunno. Sometimes you’re a little uptight, that’s all.”
He tensed and cocked back his head. Uptight.
Her comment somewhat took him aback, though not because it upset him.
More because he knew it was true, and she’d never called him out on it before.
All his life, he’d been moving toward his parents’ vision of their American dream for him.
He’d never really talked about it with Dani, or anyone else, for that matter.
Instead, he did what they’d wanted. Lived the life they’d wanted.
Dated whom they wanted. The only time he truly felt like he could be himself was around Dani. So to hear her call him uptight…
“Yeah, well,” he said, turning away from her and wanting to go back to talking about something else. “We should probably head back up to the bedroom in case someone needs this room.”
He searched through the pile of clothes on the floor for his shirt, but right as he was about to pull it on over his head, Dani stopped him, touching him on the side. Her fingers traced over the tattoo.
Π?ντα ?σουν εσ?.
“Why won’t you tell me what it means, Theo?” she asked.
Not now.
“I told you what it means.”
Her eyebrows knit together, and then she took a deep breath and sighed. She then crawled over to the other side of the couch, grabbed a piece of paper, and handed it to him:
His stomach swirled with a dozen emotions he couldn’t differentiate.
“I figured it out,” she said. “What I can’t figure out, however, is why you keep lying to me about it.
Or I guess maybe I can. I don’t remember much about that night, but I think I remember the highlights.
Specifically you telling me you couldn’t do”—she gestured between them—“this. Which I suppose begs the question. What is it that we’re doing? ”
“I…I don’t know.”
She laughed, incredulously. “Great,” she said, snatching the paper away and crumpling it in her hands. “Just great. Okay, I guess it’s time to go upstairs.”
She started to get off the couch, but he stopped her, taking her by the wrist and looking up at her.
“What do you want it to be, Juicy?”
“What do I want it to be?” she asked, exasperated. “Theo, I told you that it’s always been you, that I wanted to be with you, and you rejected me! And now we’re here, and we’re fucking, and I…I guess it doesn’t really matter what I want.”
Her eyes started to well with tears, and he couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have her thinking that this was only about sex.
“I didn’t reject you,” he said.
“Um, yes, you did,” she said, taking her hand back, folding her arms across her chest. “I was drunk, but I remember that much. You said, ‘Dani, I can’t.’ Pretty hard to forget that part.” She rolled her eyes.
“You’re right. Dani, you were drunk,” he said, staring up at her.
“Wasted even. Slurring your words. I’ve been in love with you for half my life, and I wasn’t going to take advantage of you like some douchebag opportunist. And I was still with Giorgina.
Regardless of my feelings for you, I couldn’t take things further until I broke things off with her.
I know you—you never would have respected me if I’d done that.
I wouldn’t have respected myself. And to be completely honest, I wasn’t sure you even meant those words.
I’m not sure if you recall, but seconds later, you literally threw up on me. ”
She recoiled a bit, seeming to remember that part.
“Look,” he continued, “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad—” But she cut him off.
“If all that is true—”
“It is true,” he interrupted.
But she furrowed her brow and kept going. “If all that is true, then why did you leave?”
He sighed. He’d asked himself the same question so many times. “Because I’m an idiot.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I know it was shitty to leave you there without saying goodbye, but I didn’t sleep all night.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I immediately drove back to Chicago and broke up with Giorgina.
I told her that I didn’t think we were looking for the same thing, but she knew it was because of you. I didn’t deny it.
“But I couldn’t come right back to you. We needed time. I needed time. I wanted things to be right—to be perfect. I’d been waiting for this my entire adult life, and I didn’t want to fuck it up. So then what did I do? I fucked it up.”
“How did you fuck it up?” she asked, finally sitting next to him again.
“Fries and micheladas, remember? I’d made a plan.
I was going to come home and tell you everything.
But then your dad mentioned Beau, and I saw you out with him, doing the same things we’d done a few weeks before, and I thought you’d already moved on.
Instead of asking you about it like a grown-up, I left.
Instead of meeting up for fries and micheladas, I hopped on a plane like all I had to do was get some distance to get you out of my system.
I wanted to be irresponsible. To go back on a dig, exactly what my parents wanted me to stop doing, so I could forget about you.
And now look at me,” he said, motioning to himself.
“I’ve lost a year of my life because I was too scared to tell you how I felt. ”
“When did you get this?” she asked, putting her hand on the tattoo.
“The weekend before I came home that last time. I had this whole speech planned out. To tell you how it had always been you. I felt foolish about it once I thought you were with someone else. But in the moment, when you spoke those words? I felt like it was real.”
“It was real.”
“Was it?” he asked, not really sure what to think anymore.
“Yes, Theo,” she said, scooting closer. “My God, I was lost without you. After they…after they announced your presumed death,” she said, barely able to choke out the words, “I felt like a piece of me had been ripped out of my soul. Why do you think I’m even here?”
He tilted his head to the side, trying to figure out what she was talking about. “I thought you were here on vacation?”
“Right, but I could have gone to any number of places. Thailand, New Zealand, Chile…or any of the other countries that I’d always talked about visiting.
But out of all the places in the world, I came here because…
” She paused and bit her lip, fighting to keep the truth inside.
“Because I…I…I wanted to be close to you, as close as I could get even if you were no longer here. I missed you so fucking much.”
He crashed his lips against hers, pulling her body flush with his. Years of tension and longing unraveled between their lips. Words that had gone unspoken for far too long. They wanted this. Both of them wanted this.
He pulled his mouth away, holding her beautiful face in his hands. Never wanting to be without her ever again. But he needed his intentions to be clear.
“Juicy, I don’t want there to be any question. I don’t want my fear to get in the way ever again. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say that. But if we’re going to do this, I need you to know that I’m all in. I don’t want to half-ass this.”
“I love you, too. It’s always been you. One hundred percent.” She wrapped her arms around his neck.