Chapter 26 #2
Then he walks over to the edge of his bed and sits down. He looks at me. Like, really looks. And my pulse rockets under his weighted stare.
“Because I can’t lose you,” he finally says in a voice so thick with emotion that it makes my heart ache.
“And if you stay, that’s exactly what’ll happen.
Maybe not today. Maybe not this year. But eventually, this life catches up.
Someone’ll come looking for revenge. Someone’ll use you to get to me. And I’ll have to watch you die.”
“That might not—”
“It will.” His voice hardens. A wall goes up, eclipsing all of that emotion he just revealed. “I’ve seen it happen. To friends. To people I cared about. The ones we love become targets. Weaknesses. And you—”
He stops and rake a hand through his hair.
“You’re the biggest weakness I’ve ever had.”
“That’s not weakness,” I say. “That’s love.”
“Same thing in my world.”
I stare at this man. This beautiful, infuriating, terrified man who killed for me. Who tore a city apart to find me.
And now he’s pushing me away because he’s scared.
“You’re a coward,” I say.
He doesn’t deny it.
“Maybe. But at least you’ll be alive.”
“I don’t want to live without you.”
“You’ll learn.” He stands, but he won’t meet my eyes. “I’ll have someone drive you wherever you want to go in the morning with the animals.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
He walks out.
And doesn’t look back.
I don’t sleep that night.
I pace the length of my room. I cry. I throw things at the wall.
Around midnight, there’s a knock on my door.
I yank it open expecting Declan. I’m so ready to scream at him.
But it’s Ava.
Her hair is loose around her shoulders, face free of makeup, and she’s in sweats. It’s a little jarring because she’s always model-perfect, photoshoot ready.
She looks at my tear-streaked face and sighs.
“Can I come in?”
I step aside. “Sure,” I say in a hollow voice.
She sits on the edge of my bed. “Seamus told me about what Declan said.”
“Did he send you to make sure I actually leave?”
“No.” Her mouth quirks. “He’s too busy getting drunk with his brothers and pretending he didn’t just make the biggest mistake of his life.”
Something in my chest loosens. Just a little.
“He says it’s for my own good.”
“They always do.” Ava studies me. “When Seamus and I first got together, he tried to push me away too. Said I deserved better and that his life was too dangerous.”
“What did you do?”
“I told him to go fuck himself.” She smiles. “Then I made him chase me until he admitted he couldn’t live without me.”
I wipe my eyes. “Is that what you’re telling me to do?”
“I’m telling you that Murphy men are stubborn idiots who think pushing people away is the same as protecting them.” She leans back on her hands. “Declan loves you. It’s obvious to everyone with eyes. But he’s scared, probably for the first time in his life. And he’s handling it badly.”
“So I should just... wait? Hope he figures it out?”
“No.” Her hair bounces over her shoulders as she shakes her head. “You should leave. Make him feel what it’s like to lose you. And then you wait.”
“For what?”
“For him to get his head out of his ass and come after you.” She stands and shrugs. “If he doesn’t, then you dodged a bullet. But he will. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Marlowe. That man would burn down the world for you.”
“He literally just told me to leave.”
“And he’ll regret it by morning.” Ava heads for the door. “Don’t make it easy for him. Make him work for it.”
She pauses at the threshold.
“But don’t wait forever. You deserve better than someone who can’t figure out what they have.”
Then she leaves, and I’m alone again with the devastation he caused when he told me to go.
And at some point, I realize Ava is right, hard as it was to acknowledge.
I do deserve better, dammit. And I still have my dignity.
Which is why I’m not waiting another second to move forward with my life.
I’m doing things on my terms from now on.
Fuck him for not caring enough to stand up to his fears.
I pack in the dark, but it doesn’t take long. Most of my things are still in boxes since I never fully unpacked. Truth be told, I don’t think I ever let myself believe this could be permanent.
The animals watch me. Lola’s too drugged on pain meds to care much, but Monarch whines softly. Fiona won’t look at me. Pepper mutters something about “mangy mamas” and “fucking eejits.”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “That about sums it up.”
When I get everything downstairs, voices float into the hallway. The brothers drinking, just like Ava said. Someone laughs…Seamus, maybe…and the sound makes tears spring to me eyes.
It’s three in the morning now. I load the animals into the car Ava left me keys to. No one stops me. The guards at the door look uncomfortable but don’t say anything. They do help me carry my boxes to the car, which I appreciate. Anything to get me away from here faster.
I drive to my apartment, the one Daddy bought, my shoulders quaking, tears streaming down my face. It’s empty and cold and nothing like the brownstone.
I only bother to take the animals inside. I’ll get the rest tomorrow.
Once we’re finally together and the door is triple locked, I curl up on the floor with the animals spread around me.
And I cry until the sun comes up.