Chapter 30 Ava
THIRTY
ava
Bile rises in the back of my throat. He’s hard to move, dead weight, but I do it, moving Seamus to a dark corner. Then I pile broken tables in front of him.
Please don’t let him be hurt. Not from the gunshot, and not from the fall.
There’s blood on the ground right where he fell, and if it’s his and not the fake shit, I’ll lose my mind.
He can’t move or talk to me. He has to play dead for this to work.
But if I killed him…
My stomach flips again.
I basically told him I loved him. I couldn’t say it. Not in the right words. We don’t know who’s watching, who’s in here with us.
He said it back.
A chill slithers down my spine.
What if something goes wrong?
He could die for real. He could already be dead.
Or I could die.
I force myself to breathe slowly, carefully. The bomb is on the other side, big enough to take down the building, especially with the other ones Seamus set.
And in my pocket…
I swallow. Hard.
Where the hell is Hanlon?
A flashlight sweeps in and I turn, shielding my eyes with my hand. “Hanlon?”
“Aye.” His light hits Seamus’ shoes and my heart plummets, threatening to implode.
He hasn’t moved.
Not that I expected him to. He told me he wouldn’t. They’d played dead loads of time growing up, he said, and he and Dec were the best at it. But still…
The flashlight hits my face again. “That him?”
I nod.
“Don’t be sad, girl,” Hanlon says. “He died for the greater good, and the world’s better off without Murphys in it.”
“Where are your men?”
“It’s just me. Don’t worry, your sister is safe. Unless of course, you don’t give me the papers.”
“And then you’ll do what?” I say. “Have the head of the Murphy family killed?”
“If I choose. These petty power plays mean nothing to me.” He holds out his hand.
And I toss the papers into the debris on the floor.
He sighs and bends down to pick them up. Then he peers at them and uses his phone to snap photos of each page. I presume he is going to send them to someone or just save them for future reference.
When he’s done, he straightens up. And now, there’s a gun in his hand.
Coldness fills me, followed by a weird sense of calm.
He turns away, shining the light, then settles the gun back on me.
“You really liked him, didn’t you? But sex is never enough. Love is futile. Only the cause matters.”
In the coldness, my anger stirs. The man deserves a bullet in the face just for the utter bullshit he spouts.
“You are beautiful, so it’s a real fucking pity you have to die, too. But I can’t trust a traitor. You turned on your husband. On a Murphy. You’ll have to sign the bratva over to me.”
I take a breath, say a quick prayer, and say, “It’s not that simple.”
From behind me, a gun clicks.
“Move aside, sweet thing,” Seamus says, and a small sob escapes my lips.
“He’ll shoot you if I do,” I whisper.
“I’ll shoot you, anyway,” Hanlon says. “And then Seamus here.”
Seamus moves silently, and I see him in my periphery, lithe, deadly, so beautifully alive. “It’s not that simple. You’ll need the crest.”
“I’ll get it. When I kill you all,” Hanlon says.
I can’t see them, but I know the Murphys are willing to kill him. I need to give them a chance. But I need to make sure he doesn’t shoot Seamus.
My man’s wearing a special Kevlar shirt, but what if it fails? What if Hanlon goes for the head?
So I pull out the remote control with a shaky hand. It’s not hooked to the Semtex. It’s connected to the rest of the explosives Callahan and Seamus put in here earlier.
“You can kill us all, girl,” Hanlon says. “My cause is the only thing that matters. Kill me and my people will get your bratva, and they’ll have the papers—”
“Fake papers,” Seamus says. “And right about now, Edgar Estevez is being handed the real papers, along with your name and your movement. You don’t think he’ll hunt them all down? He will.”
“That button’s a fake. You care too much for your own good, Seamus. That’s what’s wrong with the Murphy clan. They care about others. Fools.” He points the gun at me. “I don’t believe she’d hook up a bomb and risk taking you out.”
“Oh, believe me, she would.”
“Lies.”
He starts to swing his gun at Seamus and I move, trying to get between them. Seamus shoves me away and I stumble into a wall, my lungs squeezed tight.
“Believe this,” Seamus says, closing in on Hanlon as he pulls the trigger. A bullet hits Hanlon in the head and he crumples to the dirty ground.
Then he stands over him and shoots him again.
“For Ava.”
And again.
“For Da.”
Then three more times.
“But mostly for threatening and bruising my sweet thing.”
“Seamus… you’re alive.” He drops the gun to his side and grabs me, holding me close.
“I told you the fake shit looks just as real,” he says. “Bullet never touched me. Kevlar is magical, sweet thing.”
I rest my head against his chest and listen to his heart, basking in his arms. And I know.
I can’t stay with him.
He deserves better. He did from the start. And I’m not built for this. For any of it. I’m not good. I’m not—
“Whatever the fuck you’re thinking, stop.” Then he eases me back. “Also, we need to get out of here; this place is gonna blow.”
“But I haven’t released the button.”
He grins, moves my thumb, and then he takes my hand.
We run outside and cross the street where we join Declan, Callahan, and Torin. Then we wait. Five minutes later, just like we planned, it blows.
Two days later, I’m drained. I’m not mother material.
But Lucie is a goddess and knows exactly what to do with my little sister.
Little Tatiana seems to love her. She also loves the pet café, the flower shop, and Harry.
And I can tell she adores the rest of the guys, and of course, Clawzilla and Arnold.
She falls for them all so quickly, it makes my head spin.
But a sobering thought niggles my brain. She doesn’t love me.
I’m not being fair. I know she’s only four, but it still stings.
So I try and try again. “Hey, Tatiana,” I say, walking into the living room, “do you want to play?”
The little girl with the black hair and light-blue eyes looks at me and starts to cry. “No. I wan’ Papa Sif. I wan’ Olga.”
I close my eyes, chest heavy. “Olga had to go away for a while, and Iosif isn’t feeling well.”
She starts crying harder. “I wan’ Lucie!”
Lucie comes in and mouths “sorry” to me.
I sink onto the couch and cover my face with my hands. I can’t do this. I can’t.
“Hey.” I drop my hands and look up at Seamus. “She’s a kid, that’s all. And I’m thinking she knows you enough that you can be honest with her. You know Iosif, so—”
“Don’t.” I stand up, cutting him off. “Did you work things out with the cartel?”
“Cal did. Told them we have a copy of the papers we gave them and that they should keep their word to leave us alone and we won’t step on their toes. Everything should go on as normal. They agreed.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
“They have what they wanted. Mostly. We told them they won’t be using Volkov routes, but they haven’t so far, and they’re doing just fine.
They’re savvy enough to know this is a mutual assurance thing.
One won’t hurt the other. And we helped them out.
They have their money back, and there’s now a threat hanging over their head.
” Seamus pauses, his lips lifting into a grin. “Until they fuck up.”
We’re in the aftermath of a war, and part of that war is the battle between me and Seamus.
Those words of love we spoke seem a world away, just out of reach, and although we’ve been fucking like rabbits since that night I was afraid I’d lost him, it’s infused with a desperation that sinks me deeper into an abyss I can’t escape.
So when the doorbell rings, I’m glad to break away from it. From him. My head is in a complete frenzy, and I need a minute to work it all out.
Then I hear a familiar voice float into the air. Tatiana screams in joy.
Iosif. I know what I have to do. And it’s going to rip me apart.
When he comes in, he’s alone. Seamus doesn’t leave, even when I ask him to.
“Not on your fucking life, sweet thing,” he says, folding his arms over his chest.
Iosif moves slowly, but he’s clearly fine.
“I’m glad you survived your stupidity, Ava.”
“Watch it,” Seamus says. “That’s my wife.”
Iosif shoots him a look. “I’d like to be able to see Tatiana. I do love her like a daughter. You, too.”
I snort.
“I’ve known you longer than you remember,” he says quietly. “I introduced your father to Elena to help him. They made it work.” He sighs. “But I do care. So much.”
“You want her back.”
He spreads his hands. “She knows me.”
“You kept her from me,” I snarl. “To protect you both. To protect your interests.”
He nods. “I thought you’d be better off without the bratva, yes. But I don’t need it. Or else I’d have taken your father’s offer of being interim Pakhan if anything happened to him.”
“The thing is,” Seamus says quietly, “Tatiana’s her sister and—”
“Seamus,” I whisper, the words harder than I imagined. “She knows Iosif. To take her from him is cruel. What if… what if… I could see her whenever I wanted?”
“That would be acceptable. He is right. She’s your sister. The threat to you both is out there now, and since you’re protected by this family, maybe she could have two homes.”
“I’m not her mother. I don’t want to be. But I… I want to be her sister. So maybe we start there?”
We end up spending the day together, and a part of me is relieved, pleased, hopeful. There’s a future for me and Tatiana, as sisters.
When Iosif leaves that night, Tatiana cries but she knows he’ll be back the following day. I’m not sure how much I like him. But I don’t have to. She loves him, and he loves her. I see that.
One day, I hope she will love me, too.
“We’ll move to the townhouse. You’ll be a lot closer,” Iosif says when he calls me that night. “And Ava, I might travel upstate to recuperate. You and Tatiana can come with me. Think about it.”
When he picks her up the next day, I make up my mind.
That night, I wait until Seamus is asleep, and then I dress quietly and head out the door.
Iosif’s waiting for me two blocks away.
I’m halfway down the street when Seamus’s voice stops me dead in my tracks. I spin around to see his gorgeous jaw clenched in the moonlight.
“You know, I knew you were a lot of fucking things, Ava. Spoiled, angry, defensive, quick to judge. A powerhouse, and someone I’d gladly strangle on a daily basis, but I never once took you for a coward.”
“I’m not…”
“Yeah, you are.” And he looks at me with derision in his hard gaze. “You think I want you that much I’d force you to stay? So much that I’d embarrass myself by begging you to stay?”
I want him to. “No. But while I don’t hate you, I got caught up in everything and might have jumped the gun on love.”
“And,” he says, offering me a cold smile, “you have your bratva.”
“I have my bratva.” I suck in a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. But you should be. I saved you. I helped save that damned kitten and puppy. Petal gets his wheels tomorrow, and Dec says they’re kick-ass.”
We found out the puppy’s back legs were deformed, which is why they wanted him dead, and the kitten wasn’t actually pure white.
They break my heart.
Seamus breaks my heart.
I’m no good to any of them.
“That’s good,” I croak out.
He nods tightly. “Bruiser’s hanging out with him, they’re apparently looking forward to coming home.”
“I’m not an animal person.” My voice wobbles. I hate that he used the names we came up with.
“No, you’re too cowardly to let yourself be anything other than closed off, Ava. But I saved you.”
“I didn’t need saving.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
I stare at him, my vision blurring with tears that threaten to fall. “What did you mean?”
“If you don’t fucking know, then I’m not telling you.” He looks at me one last time. “You can go. Coward.”
And he turns and walks back home.
He’s letting me go. It’s what I wanted. Isn’t it?
Tears stream down my face, and it’s all my own fault.
He didn’t even fight for me.
And it’s enough for me to hate him all over again.