Epilogue
SEAMUS
It’s been two fucking weeks since Ava walked out like the coward she is. I’m pretty sure my entire family wants to put a hit on me for not going after her.
At least my motorcycle’s working and I can escape them all.
Usually I drive like a maniac, tearing up and down congested streets, swerving through traffic, indulging in a death wish every time I start the engine.
But not today. Today, I ride carefully. Petal’s wheels are at home, and both his head and Bruiser’s stick out of my zipped-up leather jacket.
I’m only careful when I have them with me.
“Just think,” I say to Petal, “soon you’ll have your own speed wheels so you can run around with Arnold.
I think they’re just regular wheels with flames painted on, but they’ll work fine.
And Bruiser, you’re gonna share a roomier cat backpack with your brother, Clawzilla.
But Dec swears you’ll have your own, too.
So make sure you look happy when he shows everything to you. ”
I chuckle, but it doesn’t reach my heart.
Because I hurt. Everywhere.
My dreams are filled with that coward, Ava. I beat off to her even when I don’t want to. Even if I decide to put on porn, I end up turning it off because it just distracts me from thoughts of her.
No one told me being in love would hurt or that it’d be so fucking hard. Or that it would suck. But it does.
With a sigh, I ride down our street and pull up to the curb.
Everything in me both explodes and shuts down at the same time.
I don’t say a word as I stare at the woman standing on the front steps of the brownstone.
Instead, I pull my gaze away, press the code on the garage door opener, and walk the bike in.
She follows without a word. I close the garage door and kneel down, opening my jacket. Bruiser tumbles out and scrambles up, darting around.
Petal yips as I help her out. I carry her over to her set of wheels and settle her into them. She takes off as soon as they’re secured, zooming around with Bruiser.
“If you want me to sign divorce papers, I’m Catholic,” I say in a flat voice. The Catholic part is true. I’m just not a good Catholic. I’m also not sure I believe in God, but I like the idea of a higher power looking over us. In our line of work, we need all the divine intervention we can get.
“Seamus.”
My jaw aches from clenching so hard. “Go away, Ava.”
“No.”
“What the fuck do you want from me? Blood? You’ve accused me of things I didn’t do.
I told you I love you, and you threw it right back in my face when you left like that.
” With a throbbing pulse, I stalk over to her.
“I don’t throw those words out there, Ava.
In fact, I’m pretty fucking sure you’re the only person outside my family I’ve loved.
Or been in love with. So, I ask again, what the fuck do you want from me? ”
“Forgiveness.”
Fuck.
Blood rushes between my ears, my heart shattering all over again. She’s wearing a pretty dress, one I bought for her. The rest of them are still neatly arranged in her walk-in closet.
I opened the closet door.
Once.
But it smelled like her, so I closed it. And I haven’t opened it again in the past two weeks.
She’s also wearing that fucking ugly ring.
And she looks as miserable as I probably do.
“I thought of looking for you, chasing you. Searching the city, the country, the planet for you.”
“But you didn’t.” Her voice is small.
“Do you blame me?” I snarl.
“No.” She glances down at the animals playing, then lifts her head, her pained gaze on me. “No, I don’t. You’re right. I ran because I was a coward, but not in the way you meant.”
“You know, I went to Bay Ridge. I went to the townhouse. I even stood outside Romanov’s mansion. I got on that motorcycle plenty of times, full of plans to take you by force if necessary. But I didn’t.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“You’re in my fucking blood, Ava. A part of me.”
“I just… I’m not good at this,” she whispers. “How does someone like me love? I’m not sure I deserve it back. What if I suck at it? Everyone I’ve loved died, even the ones I didn’t love, and you were right. I’m greedy and cold and not worthy.”
My heart starts to thump hard. “I never said you weren’t worthy. I’m pretty sure I said there was no one on this planet like you. I’m pretty sure I told you I lied when I said I wasn’t that into you. Didn’t I?”
“Seamus…”
Fuck. The hope is bubbling in my chest, but the thing is, she still hasn’t said she loves me or that she wants me. She’s no fucking shrinking violet. She’s as tough as me. I’m willing to burn the world for her, and she needs to want to do the same for me, too.
“What is it you want?” I ask. “Why are you here?”
“For you, Seamus, why do you think? I’ve never been in love, never loved anyone outside my parents.
This isn’t the same at all. The way I feel about you, it’s like I’m burning all the time, and I want you so much that I don’t know what to do or how to handle it.
When you didn’t move after I shot you, I was sick to my stomach, panicked that I’d never see or… ”
She pauses, wringing her hands together. “Losing you would be the most frightening thing in the world, so I left because… I thought… you’d be better off without me.”
Anger roils my gut. “First, you have to have something to lose it. And second, did you ever fucking ask me if I thought I’d be better off?”
Her eyes narrow and her self-pity vanishes like a fog clearing. “You didn’t fight for me.”
“Why the fuck would I? You were being a cowardly, self-centered brat.”
“You walked around me like I was glass and you didn’t know what to do with me.”
“That,” I say, lifting an eyebrow, “was in your head.”
“I’m trying to apologize and beg for another chance. I’m trying to tell you I’m so in love with you, I can’t even see straight.”
I cross my arms. “Okay. Get on your knees.”
She stares at me. And then she starts to sink down and a grin lifts my lips. But she still does it. “Forgive me, please. Asshole.”
“I’m not sure about the asshole part.” I pull her back up and into my arms. “I’m forgiving you a little too easily, but I like hearing how you’re so in love with me that you can’t even see straight. Nice touch.”
Before she can react, I kiss her, soft and sweet and long.
“I’m so in love with you, Ava. And I’m pretty damn sure my brothers were gonna throttle me if I didn’t make a move to get you back. Letting you go that night was the hardest fucking thing I’ve done. You can’t do that again. You can’t leave me.”
“Seamus,” she whispers. “I came back. I’d burn down everything for you. I’ve killed for you. I blew up a building for you.”
“Technically, we blew it up together.” And as a metaphor, I like it. A lot. “I’d burn the world for you, too. And if you ever leave me again, I’ll have to punish you.”
“I might get scared, Seamus, but I’ll never leave you. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I say, and I kiss her again.
If this is love, I’ll take it.
And everything she has to give.
Three months later, I slide an arm around my wife’s waist as she signs her approval of a new client for the smuggling route. It’s a new one, and we’re sharing the role in the Volkov-Murphy Alliance.
She turns and pushes me away, her new small engagement ring glittering in the light. “You’re going to make us late.”
“But…”
“What?”
I nudge her across her office, and she dodges me, laughing as I finally catch her and pin her against the desk. “We could fuck on the desk.”
“You always fuck me on this desk. I’m going to need a new desk,” Ava says as she unbuttons my shirt.
I slide a hand up the side of her skirt, pleased she’s not wearing panties. I know where they are… right in my pocket because stroking her soft, wet flesh is a favorite pastime of mine, and I hate anything that gets in my way of that.
I start to lazily pump my fingers in her tight cunt. She shudders, tightening around them.
“Your desk is a great source of many of my fantasies.” I kiss down the side of her throat, then make my way up to her lips.
Ava reaches down to pull on my zipper and she slips her hand in my pants to stroke my cock.
But then she stops and says, “No.”
“Is that a ‘no’ I want more or a real ‘no’?”
“It’s a reluctant ‘no’ that says I want more, but we’re late, and if we don’t go—”
“To a baby shower?”
“If,” she says, “we don’t go, Lucie will kill you.”
I bite her lip and let out a mock sigh. “I’m gonna be an uncle. I’m sort of one now. I mean, Tatiana’s technically my sister-in-law, but she’s also just turned five, which is weird.”
She grins and gives me a little shove. “Seamus, move your hot ass. We have to go.”
She’s right. But I kiss her anyway.
I’m not going to say the last three months have been smooth. They’ve been deliciously bumpy, and we’ve clashed and burned the way we need to. She’s the other half of me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I sling an arm around her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go.”
“Can I have my panties back?”
“Hell no,” I say. “I’ve got plans for you in the bathroom, sweet thing.”
“You’re the worst, Seamus.”
I kiss her as I open the door. “I know. It’s why you love me.”
“I do.” She smiles. “More than life itself.”
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I hope you loved Seamus and Ava’s story!