Chapter 20
The studio was spacious, set at the far back of the second floor, surrounded by walls made of glass on three sides, and a pointed sunroof.
“There’s a heating system,” Levi explained when he caught Elm staring up at it. “The metal structure running through it melts the snow so it can’t pile on. That’s why you see all the water droplets.”
It sort of made it look like it was raining, the view from the windows murky. Elm had questions about the space and why it’d been chosen for the studio, but he kept them to himself for now, too busy exploring on his own.
There was a work bench taking up the far wall with all sorts of creative tools organized by type and color.
His gaze swept from one end to the other.
It started with markers, moved into pastels, colored pencils, and then tubed paints.
More paints in larger quantities were stacked in cubicle shelves to the left, where a graphing table was also positioned next to an easel.
A pile of blank canvases, already prepared and set out by size to make it easy to find the right one, were tucked into the corner.
To the right, metal cabinets that came up to his hips took up space, sculpting tools set out on top of it in neat order. There was a pottery wheel and a sturdy table with a smooth surface in that area as well.
Elm turned, facing the wall the entrance was set in, the only one made of wood, and stared at the blank space. Aside from a few chairs, there was nothing kept there.
“My mother used to display her work here,” Levi said. “I had it removed.”
“Why?”
“This space is yours now.” He motioned to the cabinets. “There are materials in there. Various clays and such. I know you were trying out stone recently. If you’ve decided to switch to that, I can have some brought in. Just let me know.”
It should bother him more that the alpha had looked into him so thoroughly, but Elm was kind of used to that behavior, what with having grown up with Kian for a brother. The intensity of this interest, however, paired with the kiss they’d just shared, made him nervous.
Levi walked to the table and picked something up, returning to hold it out to Elm.
The sketchbook he’d dropped in the cage had bloodstains over the cover.
He took it anyway.
“You have a talent for drawing,” the alpha said. “Why did you decide to go into sculpting?”
“I like being able to use my hands more,” Elm replied.
“There’s something about physically touching and feeling a piece in its entirety that scratches an itch in my brain.
With painting, most of it comes down to sight, but with clay I’m utilizing more of my senses.
Every curve, every ridge, every smooth surface and divot…
I can trace those with my fingers. It’s tangible. ”
“Classical music helps me focus. Helps me regulate my emotions and calm my mind.”
“Yeah, it’s exactly like that,” he agreed, understanding where Levi was going. “I’m most myself when I’m working.”
“The sculpture relies on you, as its creator.”
Elm hummed and moved to set the sketchpad back on the table.
He went to check out the cabinets. “It’s more like we rely on each other?
I have to trust the process. Believe the material will work with me, and together we’ll be able to successfully capture the image I have in my head.
Without me, the clay would remain a slab of unmet potential, but without it, I’d just be a guy with ideas and nothing to show for it. ”
The cabinets had temperature control settings that varied depending on the type of material inside each segment. Upon discovery, he couldn’t help but be impressed.
“You said your mom was a painter?” he asked as he searched through the products, recognizing the big name brands of some but not others.
“I had this section reimagined and stocked specifically to your needs,” Levi confirmed.
“You did that in a day?” He hadn’t been out after his heat for that long, if the alpha was to be believed.
“Money can buy anything. Even time. The job was rushed, but done well.”
No arguments there.
“That couldn’t have been easy to haul up the stairs.” He pointed to the large kiln in the corner.
“The sky dome was removed so it could be lifted in.”
“Sounds expensive.”
“I didn’t really pay attention to the total.”
Elm straightened and turned to face the alpha. “What are we doing here, Levi?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was relieved when you stopped thinking of me as a thing, but this…” He crossed his arms and leaned back against the cabinet. “None of this feels normal.”
“What’s normal, exactly?”
“I am,” Elm said. “I’m—”
“No longer beta,” Levi stated. “And before you insist otherwise, you were never average. Care to try again? What constitutes as normal?”
“Stocking an art room for your captive is definitely not it.” He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair.
“You’re agitated,” Levi realized. “Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“I thought you would be pleased.”
“There.” Elm glared. “That. That’s why I feel uneasy. Why are you trying to please me? What possible reason could you have to take it this far? This is just a bigger cage, I understand that, but fine dining, and art studios, and silk pajamas, and kissing—”
“Did you not like it?”
“Leviathan.” He felt like he was going crazy. “Please.”
The alpha watched him closely for a moment, and then offered, “If I tell you it’s a new approach, that keeping you content will help speed up stabilization, would that make you feel better?”
“I’ve been with you too long,” Elm said, mostly to himself. “I can recognize when you’re attempting to bury the lead by offering a believable smokescreen. What’s the veiled truth here? What don’t you want me to know?”
“You’re emotional. Let’s call it a night. You’ll feel better after you’ve slept.”
“Levi.”
“Come, omega. You can explore more tomorrow.”
“Damn it, I am not a child!” He lost his cool. “I don’t need you to hold my hand or put me to bed!”
“No, you need me to teach you how to control your own nature so you don’t go around accidentally causing mass suffering.”
The words stung and Elm flinched. “I’ve gotten better.”
Before the attack in the basement, he’d improved a lot.
The alpha had taught him how to activate and siphon his pheromones, and Elm had been well on his way to perfecting that ability.
Then his heat had hit and he’d been reduced to a thing leaking seductive pheromones all over again, unable to even call on his dominant side to defend himself.
“I’ve closed you off from the outside world,” Levi began.
“There’s no risk of anyone else getting in here and tainting you with their pheromones.
With just me as a touchstone, your body will adjust faster.
It’ll balance itself out, and once you’re past that final hurdle, this sense of helplessness will be gone. ”
“Will it?” Elm shook his head. “You’ll still be here.”
“Don’t confuse being powerless with being helpless. They aren’t the same thing.”
“Why did you kiss me, Levi?”
“Because I wanted to.”
“And when you want to do more?” The answer was written across his face, and Elm wondered if the alpha meant for it to be as obvious as he was making it, or if Elm had simply gotten better at reading his mostly blank expressions. “If this is about fucking, let’s just do it now.”
“Pardon?” His eyes narrowed.
“Get it out of the way.” Elm looped his thumbs in the waistband of his pajama pants, but didn’t pull them down yet. “If you’re planning on buttering me up so you can fuck me eventually, let’s just do it.”
If this was some type of game, some sick conquest thing where the alpha thought he’d break Elm down, sleep with him and go back to being an asshole, Elm wanted no part in it. He’d be a prisoner, a damaged omega, and a lonely artist, but he would never be anyone’s bitch.
“I may be of average intelligence,” he stated, “but I’m no fool, and you can’t play me like one.”
“Did everyone who’s ever been nice to you have ulterior motives?” Levi wondered aloud.
“It’s just sex. If that’s what you’re curious about, I’m willing, so—”
“No. One kiss does not mean we’ll immediately tumble into bed together.”
“It was our second kiss.” Elm let go of his pants, but not the issue. “Are you rejecting me?”
“That wasn’t a proposition,” he growled. “It was desperation.”
He snarled before he could help it.
“Are you offended?” Levi asked. “Good. That’s how I feel having you reduce me to a sex-crazed fiend.
Let’s be clear, omega. I could have fucked you at any time.
I sure as hell didn’t need to bring you all the way out to the middle of nowhere and ply you with nice things to do it.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t your infallible brother bite your best friend on a filthy carnival attraction floor?
Did you start looking at him the way you’re currently looking at me? ”
Elm faltered. “How am I looking at you?”
“Like I’ve just betrayed you,” he surprised him by saying. “Has our relationship already progressed to the level where you can feel deceived over something like this? I’ve never lied to you.”
“Don’t.” He held up a hand. “You’re twisting things. Trying to turn this around on me. Don’t think I’m not well aware that you’ve only ever given me half-truths, Leviathan. You tell me what you want me to know, nothing more, nothing less.”
“I don’t need you to believe me. I just need you to trust that I want you for a lot more than your body. That isn’t a trick, omega. If all I’d wanted was to get inside of you, I would have done so several times over already.”
Elm had already guessed that Levi was the type who needed to get to know someone before he bedded them. He’d doubted his theory just now, but everything the alpha was saying lined up. That didn’t make this better, though. If anything, it only made him feel more uncertain.
“This isn’t about collecting data anymore,” he dared say. “This isn’t about some experiment.”
“Life as a whole is one big experiment.” Levi disagreed.
“It’s all practice until we either get the results we were after or we fail miserably.
Think about it. The choices you make that dictate the course of your life, the relationships you form and break…
all of that is done by weighing the odds.
Taking risks. Getting to know someone to see if you’re compatible is rooted in trial and error. ”
“We are not compatible.” They couldn’t be.
“Last chance.” Levi took a step closer. “Calm yourself, omega. You’re flooding the room with aggressive pheromones. I’ve put up with it as long as I’m willing to.”
Was he?
Elm grasped the edge of the cabinet behind him and inhaled, focusing his attention inward.
“It’s my fault,” the alpha said. “I shouldn’t have kept you outside. You’re in an emotionally volatile state right now since you’ve just come out of heat.”
“Just,” Elm squeezed his eyes shut, “please stop talking for a minute.”
Levi taking the blame and apologizing only made things more complicated.
It was impossible to tell how much of what Elm was feeling was rational, and how much was created because of the unstable pheromones building up inside of him.
Pheromones weren’t just a smell, they were a chemical, an energy.
After two months, he was still struggling to learn how to live with them.
That familiar soothing scent came from the alpha’s direction, and Elm welcomed it, inhaling deeply, letting it settle around him and lick against his skin. The tension began easing from his shoulders, the anxiety slipping away.
It was fascinating that one person could cause this much effect on another.
Both thrilling and terrifying.
“Which Rabbit God is depicted in the statue downstairs?” Levi waited until Elm’s breathing had evened out before asking.
“The one the Connects worship. He can change his visage at will. Only his true love knows his real face.” Elm admittedly found that romantic.
“Everyone says they like me because I’m easy to get along with.
I don’t take things too seriously and tend to go with the flow.
” He scowled. “I’m laid back, but that doesn’t mean I’m unfeeling. ”
As a beta, he was constantly overlooked, even by his own parents.
Their worry for Kian, a dominant alpha who also happened to be adopted, always outweighed any concern they could possibly muster for Elm.
Things had only gotten worse once Kian had been diagnosed with psychopathic tendencies.
As the stable, normal brother, Elm was trusted to be left to his own devices.
He didn’t want to complain. His family loved him, and he was grateful for that.
But sometimes…love wasn’t enough.
Sometimes people needed more.
Art was his escape. His pathway to being seen. He poured parts of himself into his work for others to look at and specifically pick apart. If they discussed it, if it moved them, if they thought about it later, that meant he’d done his job right.
It meant he’d made an impact.
That on some level, he mattered.
His entire life, he hadn’t gotten as much personal attention from anyone as he had these past months.
It was messed up and twisted, wrong on so many levels, and Elm acknowledged that maybe he wasn’t as stable in the head as his family always believed him to be because…
At some point, he’d stopped hating it in its entirety.
Did he want to be locked up and have his freedom taken away?
No.
But…Things could be a hell of a lot worse. If Levi had left him in Fiora’s hands, they would have been. Yet the alpha hadn’t done that.
Levi was attentive, almost to the point of being overbearing. Intense in a way that made Elm feel like he was walking around naked half the time. Mysterious and vicious and cruel and shockingly beautiful.
Elm wasn’t going to get answers tonight.
Whatever secret motive Levi may or may not have, he’d only reveal it when he was ready.
There was nothing Elm could do, and pushing the issue, fighting with the alpha and getting heated, would only hurt him in the end.
Regulating so his body was his again was far too important to risk on a what if or a maybe.
The chaotic swirling in his chest was dying down. He’d managed to damped his pheromones and had shut off the aggressive ones.
“Does it still hurt?” He opened his eyes and met the alpha’s.
“It’s fine, omega,” Levi said. “Everything is fine now.”
Elm held his breath when the alpha approached, remaining still when he reached up and cupped his cheek.
“You’re not alone anymore,” Levi practically whispered.