Chapter 21
Levi seemed to be giving Elm the space he needed the next couple of days. He was still around for meals, and they shared the same bed, but after breakfast, he’d begin work either at the dining table or the couch, while Elm was free to roam about the lodge as he saw fit.
The place was practically a palace. There were so many nooks and crannies, so many rooms—some packed with enough odds and ends to keep him distracted all day—that Elm quickly forgot all about the semi fight the two of them had had. He found the solitude…enlightening.
On the one hand, it was nice being able to move about on his own again.
On the other, there was a comfort in knowing the alpha was still present in the building. That all Elm had to do was call out to him, and Levi would come.
And he would.
There was no question about that in Elm’s mind. If he asked for the alpha, or asked for anything from him, the Leviathan would give it.
The second level seemed to be where most of the entertainment stuff was kept. There was a fully stocked gym, a games room with billiards, darts, and a poker table, a home theater, and some more specific settings.
One space was filled with musical instruments. Another dusty hunting trophies. He’d peeked his head into a library, a gallery room—where he’d pondered over whether or not the paintings on the walls were done by Levi’s mother—and a dressing room lined with garments in all shapes and sizes.
He’d picked through them for a bit, intrigued by the lack of dust literally everywhere except where the old taxidermy was kept.
A thorough cleaning crew must come at least once a month for the place to be so spotless.
It didn’t seem like Levi came here often, so it was odd that he took such good care of the things here.
Then again, considering it was Leviathan Morningstar, that shouldn’t be all that surprising.
On day three of his explorations, Elm stumbled on a small room tucked into the way back, the door almost hidden beneath a stairwell that led to a random loft space. Inside, he’d found a cage with a velvet cushion within and a few toys seemingly belonging to an animal.
At dinner that night, he considered asking Levi about it, but decided not to in case it brought back bad memories.
Day four, he was caught in the act, standing in front of yet another odd discovery, frown marring his face as he peered into the room.
It looked like an average guest room. Unrumpled sheets, smooth curtains in front of the windows. The floor was polished to a gleam, and the desk and closet were empty and waiting. Upon first glance, nothing seemed to be amiss.
But there were scratch marks on the headboard.
And an old bloodstain in the nearest corner.
“Omega.”
Elm jolted when the alpha’s voice spoke from behind him, spinning on his heels and covering his rapidly beating heart. “Good Light. Did you have to sneak up on me like that?”
“What are you doing?” Levi glanced into the room, then reached forward, placed his hand over Elm’s on the knob, and pulled the door shut. “Don’t go in there.”
“Why not?”
“It isn’t a good place.”
Testing him, Elm stubbornly shoved the door back open, then took a deliberate step beneath the threshold.
Levi didn’t try to stop him, merely stood in the hallway, staring.
“What happened in here?” Now that he was inside, he could make out more damage.
A crook in one of the desk legs. A splinter in the chair backing.
There were nail grooves carved into the wood at the windowsill, as though someone had attempted to jump and had been pulled back from what would have been certain death.
Elm leaned over to take a look and grimaced at how far down the drop was.
On the outside, the room appeared neat and put together, but upon closer inspection, there were obvious imperfections.
Kind of like the alpha who had yet to answer.
Elm turned and quirked a brow challengingly.
“I did,” Levi finally said.
He turned back to the marks on the headboard. “You made those?”
“No,” he admitted. “But the person responsible did so because of me.”
Something prickled at Elm’s chest at that. He didn’t like it.
“You fucked someone in here.” Why did that bother him so much?
“Multiple someone’s,” Levi confirmed. “Yes.”
Elm glanced at the windowsill. “Some of them tried to get away.”
“I was hurting them.”
He blinked. “What? Why?”
“I didn’t mean to. Or, maybe I did.” He shrugged. “I was out of control back then.”
“It’s hard to imagine you losing control.”
“Now,” Levi said. “Then was different. I presented at sixteen. My father had been dead a few years, and my mother was struggling to manage the companies he left behind. His underboss had taken control of the White Frost over her, and she wasn’t pleased about it.
It made her…short fused. She didn’t have the time or the patience to deal with a teenage son dealing with dysregulation. ”
“You suffered from regulation issues too?” Elm frowned.
“Did Kian not?”
“Nothing too extreme, as far as I know.”
Levi hummed. “Probably because I’m stronger than him.”
Elm chose not to debate that.
“My mother’s side of the family is incredibly affluent. They’ve been high standing in society for centuries. When I presented as a dominant alpha, I was brought to the lodge and locked in this room. Omegas were periodically brought to me. Some of them made it out. Some…didn’t.”
“Are you saying you used to fuck people to death?” Elm did not like the sound of that.
“The first year was particularly difficult. That’s how long it took me to regulate. But I was only aggressive when I was in rut. My mating period came four times. Each time, I was dragged here, given omegas to help me through it, and then once it was over, allowed to leave.”
“Hold on, seriously. You murdered the people you slept with?”
“Who do you they think they were?” Levi tipped his head.
“Do you think my mother was taking applications and pimping me out to Synastry’s elite?
No. These omegas were the enemy. Soldiers from rival organizations or mafias.
People who’d displeased or betrayed her.
She turned me into her little cleaning crew.
Had me take out the trash with my cock buried in their holes and my hands around their necks. ”
He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he didn’t.
“I broke a man’s spine where you’re standing.
Still used his body to get me through the worst of the rut.
I blacked out after I came, and when I woke, there was another omega in the room with me.
Someone must have sent him on purpose, because he came prepared.
He pulled a razorblade out of his mouth and slashed me across the chest.”
Elm’s eyes went to the black dress-shirt the alpha was wearing, picturing the scars he’d seen there in the past.
“They didn’t all die,” Levi added. “At least, not in here. I imagine if they survived, my mother’s men took care of them after. I was a rutting dominant alpha. My instincts wouldn’t have wanted to kill them, but if I tore them, broke bones, held them down too long…”
“You hated it, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question. Elm could already tell that was the case. “Why? You’re the Dominus. Blood and carnage come with the territory, don’t they?”
Hell, how many times had he seen this man kill without flinching?
“I take a life when I see fit,” Levi stated. “Not when someone else unleashes me on them like a mad dog.”
“Is that how you see your past self?”
“Did you feel in control three weeks ago when you broke out of your cage and attacked everyone in the main house?” Levi took in his expression.
“I didn’t think so. What I needed was for them to find me a compatible dominant omega to help neutralize my pheromones during rut so my body could adjust to the change.
I wasn’t even allowed inhibitors because my mother didn’t want one of my ruts to ‘go to waste’ as she put it. ”
“You’ve never offered me inhibitors.”
“Because I knew from firsthand experience that you need to regulate without them.”
“But you were normal outside of your rut? In control?”
“Yes.” Levi sighed. “We aren’t the same, omega.”
“Didn’t think we were.” He sort of had been. Slightly. There were certainly similarities that couldn’t go ignored. “That’s why you turned Fiora down when she said she wanted to bring in alphas for me.”
He didn’t respond, but he didn’t have to.
With Levi, silence spoke louder than a thousand voices ever could.
“Hate to break it to you,” Elm tried to lighten the mood, “but your mom’s a bitch.”
“Was,” he corrected, the corner of his mouth tipping up. “Past tense.”
“My condolences?”
“None needed.”
He licked his lips and then braved asking, “Did you kill her?”
“No. But I did kill my father.” Levi watched him more closely. “Does that bother you?”
It should.
It really, really should.
But…
“Kian told me once that if his bio mom hadn’t died when she did, he’d been considering ending it for her.” Elm had sat with that for a while. Had come to terms with it like he did with everything his brother said to him. “Can I tell you a secret?”
The alpha seemed taken aback by the random request, but nodded.
“I don’t care if he’s a good person. I never have.
Whether he’s a psychopath, the leader of a mafia, or anything else.
It doesn’t matter to me. He’s my brother.
So long as he never stops caring about me, I’ll never stop caring about him.
” Elm chuckled, the sound empty and humorless.
“I’m shockingly selfish, aren’t I? I felt bad for Sky when he was claimed, but I was also jealous.
Jealous that he could form that kind of connection with another person while I couldn’t.
Jealous that someone wanted him that much.
Jealous that he was going to get all of Kian’s attention afterward, whereas I’d be left with scraps. ”