Clay #3
“I...” Luka began, staring at Isaac curiously before shaking his head. “Alright, I’m not even going to try to guess what that means. If you all will excuse me, Reggie is going to try to yell at me.”
“Try?” Reggie grumbled. “You’ve yelled at me more than enough times; it’s my turn.”
“Oh, please do,” Luka said as he walked off. “I can’t wait to hear this.”
“Well, your boyfriend has made you entirely too smug,” Reggie called as he followed Luka, and whatever he had to say next was cut off by the door sliding shut behind them.
“Are they fucking?” I wondered in bewilderment.
Isaac squinted at me. “I thought you had siblings.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, come on now, Clay. That is the most big brother versus little brother relationship I have ever seen in my life. It’s kind of funny that Luka can be so unsure about handling the Guide portion of his job, but has complete confidence and no fear when it comes to giving his boss hell,” Luka said with a laugh.
“He’s going to be a lot more okay than he thinks. ”
Cade turned, frowning at both of us. “He called you too?”
Isaac stared back at him, smiling. “Yes.”
“I, uh, kinda said his name and Reggie must have thought I wanted him,” I said, and when silence met my words, I panicked. “I mean, I did, I do want him, but I wasn’t trying to get him to call him because I...because, I’m going to stop talking now.”
Cade narrowed his eyes at us. “What’s goin’ on?”
“He’s using me for my body,” Isaac said in such a plain, inconsequential way that even I looked at him in alarm. He glanced back at me and sighed. “I know you’re not using me for my body; it was a joke.”
“I was about to say,” I said in annoyance, even as I sighed in relief, “it’s not like that at all.”
“It’s like somethin’ though,” Cade said, looking at us suspiciously. “What is goin’ on?”
Isaac eyed him. “Is there a reason you gave me a funny look when I used the Mama Bear name for you?”
Cade looked startled at the change in topic. “I-I guess, ’cause he’s the only one here who calls me that.”
“I have special permission,” I told Isaac with a little smile. “It’s kind of a...personal thing.”
“I see,” Isaac said smoothly, turning to Cade. “Then I take it back, and I won’t call you that again.”
“It’s okay,” Cade said in confusion and looked at me.
It took me a moment before I realized what he was doing. “Why the fuck are you looking at me like I’m supposed to tell you if it’s okay or not?”
“It’s called trusting you,” Isaac said with a smile that he barely hid behind his hand.
I was so confused by the idea of Cade looking to me to determine if someone should call him by that nickname or not that I couldn’t find anything to say, and had almost completely forgotten why they were there in the first place.
That was until I looked down at my lap and saw the picture nestled there softly and felt the familiar weight settle back into my chest.
“He tell ya?” Cade asked softly, and I didn't have to look up to know he was talking to Isaac.
“He did,” Isaac said. “Last night.”
“Oh,” Cade replied, and that one syllable spoke volumes.
He didn’t know how to process that Isaac knew the truth, and he was probably wondering what he knew compared to what Isaac knew.
I didn’t have the heart or the strength to tell him that in truth; Isaac knew a lot more.
Or at least, I had said a lot more to Isaac, and that, in many ways, I’d never felt the need to explain myself to Cade as I did to Isaac.
Not because Isaac was more deserving or because Cade didn’t matter, but because I knew the well of mourning in Cade was as wide and deep as the one in me, but that Isaac had needed more context.
“Is...that okay?” Isaac asked, his eyes darting all over Cade and not once flickering over me.
Cade stared at him, looked at me, then back at Isaac, confused. “Uh...yeah?”
“I know he’s as important to you as you are to him,” Isaac said in a serene voice.
“And?”
“And I’m just being sure.”
“Oh my God,” I hissed. “You two sound like two exes fighting over their only child...or two people wanting the same man!”
“Gross,” Cade muttered, wrinkling his nose. “I got standards.”
“Alright, fuck you,” I said, kicking the shin of his real leg.
“Ow!” he grumbled, backing up. “Just ’cause Isaac’s been dealin’ with the sleaziest of people and is used to it don’t mean I gotta settle for it, ya horndog.”
“I’d say eat my ass, but you’d probably like it, you giant closet case,” I snarled, kicking at him again. “Come back here, I’ll kick the fake leg right off you, and then you can play the crippled card.”
“Sure,” Cade said with a grin. “And then when ya lose me as a friend, you can play the ‘oh woe is me’ card. Then what’re ya gonna do to get laid?”
“Look good and fuck good, that’s what!”
“Just ’cause men got lower standards for fuckin’ don’t mean you’re good at it.”
“Well,” Isaac said lightly. “As someone who’s experienced the gamut of male sexuality, and trained themselves to be good at it, and thus can properly gauge it in someone else...perhaps you shouldn’t speak for me quite yet, Cade.”
Cade, who had clearly forgotten Isaac was there, peered at him. “I mean...is he good?”
“Do you really want to know?” Isaac asked in amusement.
Cade’s eyes widened, gasping. “You slept with ’em?”
“Why do you sound horrified about it?” I complained, throwing a piece of chair at him, which he batted away easily, reminding me that ‘crippled’ did not mean useless, something Reggie had faced on a far more visceral level moments before.
“We did,” Isaac said, completely unfazed, apparently. “And he was...well, he has return ‘customers’ for a reason.”
“Damn,” Cade muttered. “And here I was thinkin’ guys were just that easy.”
“They are,” Isaac said with a laugh. “But again, you’re talking to someone who knows better than some how to measure another’s skill and intention properly. Maybe he only pulled out the good stuff for me?”
“Ew,” Cade muttered, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t wanna think about that.”
“I should point out that you were the one who brought it up in the first place,” Isaac said calmly.
“And I’m takin’ it back,” Cade shook his head. “It’s weird.”
“Normally, I would say it’s perfectly normal not to think about your friends sexually, but considering his habits until fairly recently, that doesn’t quite apply here.”
“Huh, ya noticed he wasn’t whorin’ around too?”
“I didn’t want to say anything, but yes, I noticed.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“But that only leaves the explanation that you can’t stand the idea of Clay being good at sex.”
“Yeah, well, that’s kinda weird.”
“So, you’d rather believe he was...bad at sex.”
“Yeah.”
“Huh, interesting.”
I looked between them in annoyance. “So, is this going to be a thing now? The two of you talk like I’m not sitting right here, able to hear everything you say?”
“We know you’re listenin’, we ain’t stupid,” Cade huffed. “Shut up, the adults are talking.”
“The what now?” I asked and then glared when Isaac smirked. “Someone get Reggie back in here. I’m sorry I ever wanted either one of you here in the first place. I take it back.”
“Ya didn’t even call me, Reggie did,” Cade said, and my annoyance wilted slightly at the tone he used.
Isaac looked between us for a moment before humming thoughtfully.
“Well, since I’m no longer wanted here, I should probably go find Luka.
The two of us were supposed to go do some sort of art therapy.
Well, he didn’t call it that, but that’s essentially what it is.
Cade, can you make sure Clay helps when the maintenance staff shows up? ”
“Wait, what?” I asked, looking around at the mess. “I mean—”
“Ya made it, ya clean it,” Cade grunted.
Isaac winked. “I’d tell you two to behave, but I’m not looking for miracles.”
And with that, he left, stepping over a small pile on the floor without so much as a glance. I turned back to Cade, who was frowning at the floor, and snorted. “It’s just a little mess, Cade. I’ll help them, don’t worry.”
Cade shook his head. “You did all this?”
“I was...having a moment,” I said, knowing I was downplaying it to the point that lying might have been more honest.
Cade sighed. “And, uh, he was here for it?”
“He was, yeah. Not like I planned for him to be here, but I also wasn’t planning on having a meltdown either. It just kind of worked out like that.”
“Naw,” he said softly. “It didn’t ‘just’ work out like that, and ya know it.”
“What do you mean?”
Cade sighed. “C’mon, Clay. Ya don’t have stuff like this happen when it’s just you and me.
I’m the one who has rough stuff happen to ’em.
You’re always the one who keeps it together.
Ya have a bad day? You go workout ‘til you’re too tired to think, or you go get laid enough that you don’t think about it. Ya don’t...do this.”
I looked down at my lap, which was a bad idea because the picture was still there, and now it felt like my family was as disappointed as Cade sounded. “I’m...sorry.”
Cade glanced at me. “What? I mean, for what?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted with a wince. “You seem pissed...or disappointed.”
Cade blinked and turned away with a snort. “I’m pissed ’cause I don’t like the idea of you actin’ like this...even though I know it probably happened a lot before I met ya. It sucks that you were that bad and I didn’t know, ya know?”
“I mean, I-I was going to say that I would’ve called you, but—”
“Ya wouldn’t, ya keep this kinda thing to yourself...except last night.”
“Are you mad that Isaac was there? God, Cade, it was a miracle he didn’t get so freaked out that I never saw him again. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see that.”
“Oh, please,” Cade huffed. “He would’ve never let ya go through that on your own, even if he was freaked out, but I don’t think he was.”
“He should’ve been, that shit was wild.”