Clay #4
Cade laughed. “I bet it was somethin’ to see. But he wouldn’t be the sort to take off just ’cause he was a little freaked out, and like I said, I don’t think he was. I think...I dunno, that wasn’t a guy who was freaked out if you ask me.”
“What, him in here just now?”
“Ya really think that if he was even secretly freaked out, there wouldn’t have been.
..I don’t know, space? But he got a call to come to your room from Reggie, and he was here just as fast as I was, faster actually, but he slowed down when he saw me comin’ too,” Cade said, looking at the floor with a frown.
“He ain’t freaked out, Clay, he’s worried. I’m worried too, but that’s normal.”
“You’re never worried,” I protested.
He raised a thin brow. “I’m always worried about ya, and now I’m even more worried.”
“Wait, what? Cade, look, I know this isn’t my normal reaction to stuff,” I said, gesturing to the room and the disaster I’d created with my breakdown.
“But there isn’t any reason to be worried about me!
I mean...people say it’s better to get shit out and not hold it in.
Kinda wish it didn’t mean breaking shit.
..again, but I don’t know, maybe this is a good thing? ”
Cade frowned. “Of course it’s a good thing. I was worried about ya all the time ’cause you were worse than me about admittin’ when somethin’ was wrong, and there’s been somethin’ wrong with you every day for three years now.”
My hand slid over the picture without thinking. “I mean...yeah, I guess you’re right.”
He took a deep breath. “But now ya got someone else worryin’ about you, and you worryin’ about him.”
I frowned. “Wait, are you upset Isaac was here? Like...I mean—”
Don’t say jealous, don’t say jealous.
Cade’s lips thinned before he shook his head. “I ain’t jealous if that’s what you’re thinkin’. Ya deserve to have more than just me carin’ about you.”
“Now hold on—”
He held up his hand to cut off my protest. “I’m not sayin’ I ain’t good enough to be your friend, I’m not sayin’ anything like that.
What I’m sayin’ is that you deserve to have more than just me in here carin’ about you.
And I know out there ya got your family, and Gina’s family.
I mean they’re the reason you’ve even bothered comin’ here all the time. ”
I squirmed in my seat. “Having a ready and steady supply of guys to fuck is pretty nice.”
“Quit,” Cade grumbled. “We both know ya could’ve got laid just as much wherever ya were. You ain’t my first gay friend, y’all crop up everywhere if there’s dick to be had.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, but that might not be the sort of thing you wanna say to people.”
“Says the man who called me a cripple,” he said, the corners of his lips turning up.
I laughed. “Did you hear the way Luka sighed when I said that? I thought he was going to go find a string of pearls so he could slap them on and clutch them.”
Cade shook his head, barely fighting off the smile playing on his lips. “And I’m not even worried that ya had a bad moment last night, and I’m not bothered that he was here for it either. I’m glad ya weren’t alone...for once.”
“I never said anything about having freak-outs when I was alone,” I protested.
Cade stared at me with an impressively unimpressed expression. “Now, I know I don’t sound all that smart when I open my mouth—”
“Aw, c’mon, man, you know I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“Then why are ya actin’ like you do?”
I opened my mouth, realized I was effectively trapped by his logic, and then glared at him. “Fuck you too.”
“Look,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I ain’t worried that you got someone else to care about, or to care about you.
I’m worried because if you’re suddenly gonna start.
..I don’t know, gettin’ through all the crap in your head, is it really a good idea to be doin’ whatever you and Isaac are doin’ at the same time? ”
I frowned. “You’ve never been bothered by me sleeping with someone before.”
“Naw, naw, I wasn’t bothered when it was just screwin’ around with people ya didn’t care about, especially when ya weren’t even botherin’ to deal with your messy head stuff. But now you are, and c’mon, anyone can see that whatever’s goin’ on between you and Isaac ain’t just sex.”
“Aren’t you being a little, I don’t know, jumping to conclusions like?”
“He stayed overnight.”
That shut me up, and I hated the smug look on Cade’s face because he knew he had me, and there was nothing I could do to argue.
The only man who had ever been allowed to stay in my room overnight was the one standing next to me, looking far too pleased with himself.
I could sit here and pretend away or dismiss a lot of things, but even I had to admit Isaac’s presence in my room for the entire night and into the morning was a massive sign.
“I don’t…” I stopped because I didn’t know what I thought or what to say to that. “Okay, but—”
Cade sighed. “That’s kinda what I’m talkin’ about, Clay. If you’re gonna think about things, then ya need to start thinkin’ about everythin’. It’d be one thing if ya were friends—”
“Hey now, we are,” I said in annoyance. “He’s my friend.”
“Ya stopped bein’ friends when ya slept with him,” Cade said, raising a brow.
“We both know that shit gets messy when ya bring sex into things. Even if I was into guys, I wouldn’t have slept with ya, because I know that can be a big problem.
But now you an’ him crossed that line, at a time when you’re figurin’ other, big shit out.
Or at least, figurin’ out more than before. ”
“So, I just stop hanging out with him? Cut off any future sex?”
“I think ya probably could talk to him and say sex stuff ain’t a good idea and that ya need a friend right now,” he said thoughtfully. “I don’t know, that kinda thing can’t be taken back, ya know? It might change things for both of ya in a way ya won’t like...more than it’s already changed.”
“Then what?” I demanded, annoyed because it felt like he was avoiding saying what was really bothering him.
He sighed heavily. “Then...ya need to think.”
“You already said that.”
“Look, you two have been gettin’ close, and now ya slept together. Ya were stressed out by talkin’ to Reggie, and the first thing ya did was want Isaac, and he didn’t hesitate to come runnin’.”
“Okay, and?”
“And people say I’m thick,” he said, glancing at the door when the panel lit up and announced that the maintenance staff was here.
“Ya can’t move on from the past while you’re still holdin’ onto it.
How can you an’ Isaac be anythin’ more than friends who aren’t friends ’cause they’re sleepin’ together when ya just now started tryin’ to move on from the fucked up stuff that happened in the past?
Neither of ya are gonna be happy like that, and it’s just gonna end up with someone gettin’ hurt. ”
He walked over to the pad and opened the door, leaving me no chance to refute what he said as I glanced down at the picture. I-I wasn’t trying to move on from them...was I?
The thought turned my stomach, but there was no time to focus on it. I had to put the picture away so I could help with the cleanup and think about what Cade had said.
Well, maybe think about it.