Chapter 4 #4
“I think we’re all capable of doing things out of character,” I said, and only when his head jerked up with a look of surprise did I realize I could have been talking about him all along.
It was, after all, unusual for him to let something sit between him and someone else, but especially with me.
If there had ever been an issue and it needed to be addressed, Reggie could be counted on, especially in this friendship, to jump in and say it. “Now, I wasn’t—”
He grimaced, either because he didn’t believe me, or he realized I hadn’t meant it that way and his reaction had been too guilty to ignore. “Right, well…if you were talking about me, I guess you’re not wrong. I guess we should…talk about what just happened?”
“We could talk about your coffee-making skills and your hospitality,” I said, giving him one last chance to take an out if he wanted.
“I appreciate the rescue, but I think I should probably swim this one,” he said with a quirk of his lips. He cocked his head. “You might have made a decent Guide yourself, if you’d really wanted to, that is.”
That surprised me enough to forget what topic we’d been heading for. “I…what? My people skills are not nearly enough, and too many years in business have shaved off much of my empathy.”
“A lot less than you make out,” he said with a snort. “I should point out that Rowan apparently walked away from a conversation you had with him while he was staying here that made an impression on him…a positive one, that is.”
“That would be easy to brush off as either a man who has a similar background and lines of work who sensed that in someone else…or a fluke,” I said with a laugh. “I appreciate the attempt, Reggie, but you aren’t as good at selling that as you were the deal with the coffee people.”
“My face isn’t pretty enough, or is it that my personality isn’t bright enough?” he asked, and when I stared at him, unsure how to answer, he laughed. “Sorry. I think I’m still trying to avoid talking about the fact that you walked out of the bathroom to me choking the chicken.”
“Anachronistic in terminology, but…yes, that’s what I saw,” I said slowly.
What was being left out was that until that point, he was under the assumption I had ‘stumbled’ upon him doing that rather than having stood there and watched the whole thing from start to finish.
I didn’t want to lie, but telling the truth, the whole truth?
Sometimes lying was the better choice.
“I just…” he began, rubbing his face anxiously. “I woke up, groggy as hell, feeling like crap…thank you for egging me on to take those last couple of shots, by the way.”
“You know me well enough to know that if I get deep enough into a bottle, I’m a terrible influence,” I said with a shrug. “You insisted on lingering downstairs despite knowing I was drunk.”
His nostrils flared. “Anyway…groggy and crappy…and I don’t know, I was just…
kind of feeling the moment and I totally forgot you crashed here because you like…
never have. Anyway, I forgot. I was taking care of business, I guess, and I just…
I forgot you were here, and I’m sorry. You, uh, shouldn’t have to see that first thing in the morning. ”
“No, it’s…it’s fine,” I told him because if I was going to be honest with myself, I needed to acknowledge that it was more than just ‘fine’.
It had been an amazing sight that was well worth taking the time to watch and absorb.
Now, of course, I wouldn’t have chosen to make things happen as they did, and I wouldn’t have sought it out because that was asking to crack open a door that would lead to greater complications.
Maybe that door was already open more than I liked, but at least it…
Right, I needed to focus. “If I’m honest, it took me a bit to remember I had come to your room. So, I can’t really blame you.”
“That probably should make me feel better, but it’s not doing it for me,” he said with a wince.
“If you were anything like me, you were too out of it to remember. I remember taking a shot with you and seeing Luka be carried out by Rowan.”
“That was our last shot of the night, then there’s something about wanting to go back to your office.”
I frowned. “Because you wanted ‘the good stuff.’ And I told you—”
“That the good stuff was for when you were sober heading to drunk, not the other way.”
“Right, and after that? I woke up here, and it took me a minute to remember where I was because of this silly light show,” I said, looking up at the ‘waves’ rippling above us.
“Oh,” he said, walking over to his bed and hitting a button that turned the projection off. The overhead lights came to life, but with a low, pleasant glow that wouldn’t blind anyone who had just woken up. “And it’s not silly.”
“It is silly,” I said with a laugh. “I didn’t say bad, I said silly. One of your greatest strengths is that you’ve never been afraid to keep your inner child or sense of whimsy alive.”
“You’d think I wouldn’t want to remember my childhood or the parts my dad was included in,” he said with a shake of his head. “But I take that as a good thing.”
“It is,” I said. “But as I was saying, I don’t remember much of anything, just that conversation, and then your light show.
So, if I was that discombobulated, I won’t cast blame on you for being confused and forgetting I was there.
It was just the timing that I had gotten up, so you couldn’t feel me in bed.
And no, I’m not going to make you apologize for that, especially because you were doing something that’s as common as breathing… while you believed you were alone.”
“Was it really necessary to repeat yourself during that little speech?”
“I saw the look on your face and figured you were getting ready to protest that you were masturbating in your room.”
“I can see you’re attempting to make me feel better, but I have chosen the unhealthy route of blaming myself for an understandable, very human mistake, and will instead wallow in guilt and shame for an untold amount of time,” he told me with a couple of stiff nods.
“Any attempts to alleviate those feelings will result in me pushing back and spiraling even further into my negative view of self.”
“Hmm, for the record, I will continue to maintain that there was nothing wrong with this morning…almost afternoon,” I said, chuckling when his wide eyes flew to the clock and realized I wasn’t lying.
As he hissed in a breath, I continued. “And that there is no reason for you to feel that way. I also reserve the right, at my discretion, to interfere in your spiral if I feel it is going too deep or on for too long, and you are not permitted to hold that against me.”
“I will do my best to keep that agreement, but…agreed,” he said, his shoulders sagging slightly. “But seriously, since we’ve got a moment that is going to live rent-free in my head for weeks, can we maybe talk about anything else?”
“Of course,” I assured him, thinking he wasn’t the only one who was going to be remembering that for weeks to come.