Luka
My muscles screamed as I pushed, managing one more lift before dropping the bar back with a heavy thunk. Cade chuckled as he reached down to pat my shoulder. “Doin’ real good, almost thought ya weren’t gonna make that last one.”
I smiled as I sat up, grabbing the towel to wipe my face. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t too sure myself, but I had to try at least.”
“True, true,” he said with a chuckle. “You got some good pumps in, though.”
“He says having lifted more than I did and more reps,” I snorted as I grabbed the spray bottle and a clean towel to wipe the bench down.
“Hey, you can run longer than me, right?” he asked with a grin, gesturing toward his legs.
“Cade, one of those is a fake leg that works as well, if not better, than a real one,” I said with a shake of my head. “I don’t think that counts.”
“Sure it does, well, maybe the leg isn’t the problem. Maybe the lungs that took a beating from chemical fumes might be the cause,” he said with a shrug.
I knew it was common for people who’d gone through a lot to cope using humor, and Cade was no different.
He was as quick with a smile as he was with a laugh, and he was a good workout buddy, encouraging people when they needed it.
It might be easy to miss that someone like him needed help, but.
..this was Arete, where every guest needed significant help.
From what little I knew about his past, there was a lot of hurt and pain inside him that never made itself known, at least not to most people.
And maybe, if he hadn’t been a guest, I wouldn’t have suspected he was hiding that level of hurt.
Or maybe I would, over time. I didn’t know.
What I did know was that it was hiding behind his good nature and warmth.
“What, uh, what have you been up to lately?” I asked after wiping down the bench. “Anything productive?”
“Now, you askin’ ‘cause you care, or ’cause you’re s’posed to?” Cade asked.
“You know, you’re starting to sound like Rowan,” I snorted. “I can ask because I care, sometimes. It’s not like all of us who work here are in cahoots to get you guys to have some grand reveal about your history.”
“But ya would like if I did,” he said, snorting.
“Probably wouldn’t hurt,” I said with a shrug as I grabbed my water bottle to take a huge swig. “I mean, this place is for recovering, and you can’t recover if you don’t start dealing with your problems.”
“It’s kinda funny,” he said, his eyes over my shoulder. “Everywhere else in the world, when ya act like nothin’ is wrong, everyone believes ya. But here, no one does.”
“You wouldn’t be here if nothing was wrong.”
“I mean, yeah, but I don’t hear ya askin’ after Clay’s mental health. Matter o’ fact, y’all seem to think it’s not important.”
“Hey,” I protested with a frown. “I’ve never thought his mental health isn’t important.”
“Right, he acts like nothin’ is wrong, but I don’t see no one but his Guides trynna get him to talk about what’s really goin’ on with him. I guess it’s just different types of not seemin’ like you’re hurtin’ that work.”
“He can be kinda—”
“Horny?”
“Yeah.”
Cade snorted. “Had a guy back in the day who went on leave. After bein’ so excited to see his family and all that, when he came back? He starts drinkin’ more, goin’ out more, and sleepin’ with anythin’ halfway decent-looking. Now, we all knew he had a girl at home, so that was weird.”
“That’s going to stand out,” I said, understanding why he might have been put in charge of men. That sort of perceptiveness and emotional intelligence could, and probably had, made him an effective and trustworthy leader. “Did you talk to him?”
“Yeah. Other folk told me to let it go, but man, he was a good guy,” he said, frowning.
“So I took him out, got a few drinks in him, and let him talk. Turns out, his girl had papers for him and a belly she didn’t have before he left.
She’d been havin’ some fun of her own, and with his best buddy no less.
They were gonna have a kid, and she wanted a divorce. ”
“Oof,” I said with a hiss. “Double whammy, damn that—”
“Triple.”
“Triple?”
“Yeah, turns out they’d talked about having kids, but she hadn’t wanted to because she said the world was a shitty place. But then she let herself have one with the guy she was cheatin’ on him with.”
“I can...yeah, that would… I can’t even imagine what that had to feel like,” I said with a frown. Not that I was a stranger to the ups and downs of a relationship. Hell, the first guy I’d ever fallen for had left me for his best friend.
“Right, poor guy’s whole world had been broken right in half,” Cade said, making a sharp motion with his hand.
“All I could really tell him was to make sure he didn’t do anythin’ real stupid that would get him in trouble.
He kept sluttin’ around for a long while, I heard.
Maybe it heals, or maybe it just makes the hurt seem. ..not as important.”
I wiped my face thoughtfully, turning to look where he had been staring, and found Clay was the source of his interest. The flirtatious man was standing next to a machine, doing what he did best; casually flirting with the newest guest who was just trying to get a workout in.
Well, maybe that wasn’t completely true, as the new guy didn’t seem uninterested and smirked when Clay said something.
I didn’t know how Clay found guys who’d be interested in him, at least sexually, but he was unnervingly good at it.
“So maybe,” Cade continued as we watched the two men without either of them realizing, “what ya see is a slut, but there could be one helluva broken heart under all that.”
Shame made its appearance in the flurry of my thoughts. “I suppose I should have been more understanding.”
“Naw, don’t go worryin’ too much,” Cade said with a laugh. “Even the nicest, carin’ people can miss things. Tell ya the truth, most people hide what’s really goin’ on with them, and put in a lot of work so people don’t figure ‘em out.”
“Yeah,” I agreed without actually agreeing.
Jesus, why the hell was I even here? I had barely made progress with Rowan.
The guy seemed less irritated by my presence, but it wasn’t like he had actually opened up, let alone made any personal progress.
And now I realized that, despite being the one supposed to look past the bullshit people used to hide, I had fallen for it.
I blinked when I realized Rowan had come into the workout area, and from the sweat on his forehead and arms, he had been working out for a while.
I was momentarily distracted by his muscular forearms as he leaned on a piece of equipment and began talking with the new guy and Clay.
The casualness took me by surprise, and I watched them with curiosity.
“Didn’t expect that?” Cade asked, and I quickly schooled my features. “Aw, don’t look like that. It makes sense. Rowan ain’t exactly big on makin’ friends.”
“Well, and whatever the reason for the way he is, Clay isn’t the type to get on someone like Rowan’s good side.”
“‘Cause he’s a flirt?”
“An aggressive flirt.”
“Yeah, he is. But he can take a hint, and Rowan don’t seem like the type to give hints.”
I honestly had no idea if Clay had tried to get into Rowan’s pants, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Clay had a good radar for figuring out which guests were into men, and Rowan wasn’t ugly.
He was, in fact, quite handsome and well-built.
Not that Clay would know much about that because Rowan wasn’t the sort to walk around in anything but full dress, even in the spring, where nakedness was practically expected.
“No,” I agreed. “If Rowan wasn’t interested, he would have been direct. Maybe not at first, out of politeness, but if Clay pushed, and Clay is going to push if he thinks there’s wiggle room, then he would have been shot down.”
“I ain’t gonna argue with the guy who knows him best,” Cade chuckled. “But I’m gonna go get washed up real quick. I got some lazy time to look forward to.”
I turned to him. “I heard you weren’t doing physical therapy.”
Cade hesitated before his easy smile returned. “Don’t really need it as much now, ya know?”
“I don’t,” I said with a frown. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten what you said to me my first month here; your leg and hip still give you trouble.”
“A leg that ain’t there, yeah.”
“That therapy can help with.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Do more than think,” I told him with a soft smile.
“I know it’s easier to see into other people’s heads, to show them more compassion than you’d show yourself, but maybe you should consider passing some of that kindness to yourself, too.
Hiding behind a smile and a laugh isn’t going to cut it forever. ”
Cade snorted. “Yeah, alright.”
I watched him go, knowing I probably hadn’t made the slightest dent in the armor he’d wrapped around himself, but I tried.
Cade was a good guy, at least as far as I could tell.
Unlike some, if not most, guys here, he was open about what had hurt him so badly.
He was also one of those guests who looked like they would be here for a long time.
Nothing about Arete had yet pierced his happy-go-lucky, friendly, and playful exterior.
A hand slid over my shoulder, and I jumped, letting out a breath when I saw Rowan beside me, raising a brow at my reaction. “Deep in thought?”
“A little,” I said with a nervous laugh. “Just trying to figure out Cade, I guess.”
“Are you supposed to be helping him too?” Rowan asked, and I sensed nothing but curiosity in the question.
“Supposed to? No, but if I can help, even a little, that’s worth something, right?”
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t built a career or a life around helping people.”
“I mean, I appreciate the honesty.”
“What? Not everyone has the mentality to focus on helping others. That doesn’t mean I’ve built a life built around callousness or cruelty.”
“I...wasn’t saying that.”