Chapter 5
Jonathan scowled. “I do not want to discuss my reasons, my friend.”
“Very well.” Lord Kettering sighed. “I do not think you happy, however. You are not yourself. In fact, you have not been yourself since this time last year!”
Grimacing, Jonathan looked away. “I am quite well, I assure you.”
“Except you are not.” Lord Kettering meandered through Lord Whittaker’s drawing room, Jonathan beside him.
“I wish that you would tell me what the trouble was. It was clear to me that something had upset you, given the way you abruptly left London without so much as a word. I hoped that this Season, you would find yourself recovered from whatever it was. You have not, however.”
Jonathan pushed one hand through his hair. “Can we not simply enjoy this soiree?”
“I am sure you could, but since you will not dance with any young lady, show no interest in their company, and seem to be ill-tempered most of the time, I must say I am doubtful that you will find any happiness whatsoever!”
A weight pulled down at his forehead, his eyebrows low. “I do not mean to be.”
“And yet, you are.”
The urge to tell Lord Kettering everything grew like a fire in Jonathan’s chest. He had not shared anything with his friend as yet about what had taken place between himself and Lady Susanna.
At the same time, however, he resisted the desire to tell him everything.
It had been months since he had last been in Lady Susanna’s company and since he had made the decision to step away from her, his heart had been well and truly broken.
But still, he had kept all of that pain and sorrow to himself.
It had eaten away at him, he had to admit.
If his friend was noticing the darkness of his spirit, then perhaps his pain was biting more than he had realized.
“I thought I was in love last Season,” he said, trying to speak as practically and as unemotionally as possible. “I unfortunately learned shortly afterwards that all was not as it seemed when it came to the lady.”
Lord Kettering’s eyes rounded as he looked at Jonathan. “You thought you were in love?”
“Yes,” Jonathan said nothing more than that, reaching for a glass of brandy from the table to his right. “I would not like to discuss it further.”
“I would.”
Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Kettering, the only reason I have told you about this is because you persistently asked me. Please, do not ask me anything more.”
“But of course I must!” His friend grinned at him and then put one hand on Jonathan’s shoulder.
“I am not trying to make fun of you, however.” His smile faded.
“I do not think that you are in any way foolish for finding yourself in such a situation. I am only sorry to hear that you have been forced to turn your back on it all.”
Throwing back his brandy, Jonathan set the glass down. “As am I.”
“Who is it?”
Jonathan shook his head no.
“What was it that ended your connection to her?”
A scowl tugged at Jonathan’s lips. “You will not stop asking me until I tell you, will you?”
“No, I will not.”
Jonathan, letting out a long, slow sigh, looked back at his friend. Then, glancing around the room and seeing it quiet, he returned his attention to Kettering. Most of the other guests must have moved to the music room for the entertainment. “I received a letter.”
“A letter from the lady herself?”
With a shake of his head, Jonathan ran one hand over his eyes. “No. It came from a gentleman whom I respect, in fact. A gentleman that all those in London – nay, in England – would hold in high esteem.”
Lord Kettering lifted his eyebrows.
“The Marquess of Blackwood.”
Understanding shot into Lord Kettering’s expression at once. “Ah, yes. Lord Blackwood. A gentleman who has the ear of the King, or so it is said.”
Jonathan nodded. “A gentleman who knows the secrets of many, since he has built up a reputation of trust. He has the confidence of many. Therefore, when he wrote to me, I had no choice but to believe him.”
“I understand,” Lord Kettering replied. “What was it he said in this letter?”
Remembering the moment he had broken the seal and opened the letter, Jonathan winced.
“Lord Blackwood told me that he had seen me and Lady S – that is, the lady in question – in a moment alone. Whilst he did not think that wise, he informed me that there were serious questions about her family. There were concerns about her father’s financial standing and some questionable investments, also. ”
“Were they true?”
Jonathan sighed and shrugged. “I could not be sure of them, of course. I made some discreet enquiries, however, and did find that there were some investments made by the Duke which had come to nothing. They had, in fact, cost him money. Lord Blackwood’s letter also spoke of debts remaining unpaid simply because they could not be paid. ”
“And because you discovered that these investments were true, you then decided to believe the rest of the letter.”
“I had no reason not to. Lord Blackwood is known to be a wise fellow, and his concern for me was appreciated. Taking him at his word, I knew then that I could not marry the lady he was warning me about. To have any hint of financial scandal upon my own standing would be grave indeed, especially since my brother –”
He stopped short, mortified that he had almost given himself away yet again. The conversations and concerns regarding Lord Tunbridge’s previous poor choices had not been something he had discussed with anyone.
“Your brother did something, yes?”
Jonathan groaned, throwing his head back. “Please, Kettering. No more questions.”
“Very well, very well.” Lord Kettering smiled genuinely.
“So your brother did something that caused you both financial concern as well as potentially concern about your standing in society. Upon receiving this letter and reading about his investments, you decided that you could not marry this lady. The danger of her father’s poor financial choices might come up on you and might also reveal your brother’s mistakes. ”
Relieved that his friend was not about to ask him any questions, but also slightly irritated that he had managed to ascertain so much regardless, Jonathan let out a huff of breath.
His mind, unbidden, had already begun its habitual cataloguing — the same methodical sorting that had served him so well at Oxford, where his tutor had once told him he thought like a barrister rather than a marquess.
He could not help it. Where other men might feel their way through a problem, Jonathan built structures.
First: the letter. Written on quality paper, sealed with Lord Blackwood’s device, containing specific allegations about the Duke of Somerset’s finances.
Second: the source. A gentleman of impeccable reputation — or so Jonathan had believed — who had no apparent reason to deceive.
Third: the corroboration. His own discreet enquiries had turned up some evidence of questionable investments.
Fourth — and this was the detail that nagged at him now, the one loose thread in an otherwise tidy fabric — the enquiries he had made had not been thorough.
They had confirmed a fragment of the letter’s claims, and he had treated that fragment as proof of the whole.
It was sloppy reasoning. He would have caught it in a legal brief, would have circled it in red ink and demanded better evidence.
But he had not been thinking like a barrister then.
He had been thinking like a man in love who was terrified of what he might find — and who had, perhaps, been looking for a reason to retreat before his heart could be broken by something worse.
The simplest course would have been to go directly to Lord Blackwood and ask him plainly: Did you write this?
Three words. But Jonathan had not asked them, because some craven part of him had feared the answer.
If Blackwood confirmed the letter, Jonathan would have lost all hope.
And so he had chosen the coward’s path — accepting the letter at face value, letting its seal and its authority do the work of persuasion that his own courage should have demanded he resist.
“There must have been some serious concerns about the gentleman’s finances, then.”
Jonathan pursed his lips. “Yes, absolutely. Lord Blackwood hinted at the idea that the investments were… particularly chosen because of the near guaranteed return.”
“So something a little underhanded.”
“Perhaps.”
“And that is what has kept you back from Lady S, whoever she is.”
With a groan, Jonathan rubbed one hand over his face. “Lady Susanna.”
Lord Kettering’s eyebrows shot up. “The Duke’s daughter? The Duke of Somerset?”
Jonathan nodded, not in the least bit surprised by his friend’s reaction.
“But the Duke is… well, he is a Duke! I would be astonished if I learned that he had such strong financial difficulties.”
“As would I,” Jonathan answered, “but think of how great a height the gentleman would fall in society if it were discovered that he was, in fact, in such great strife. The family would never recover, their name would never be able to regain its standing.”
“And anyone connected to the family would also be pulled low,” Lord Kettering finished, as Jonathan nodded slowly, looking away from his friend. “My goodness, whilst I can understand your decision, that must have been very difficult indeed.”
“To walk away from her?”
He nodded.
“Yes, it was.”
“What did she say when you explained all to her?”
Shame began to burn in Jonathan’s core, sending heat rippling up his skin. “I – I did not speak to her of it.”
Lord Kettering’s eyebrows shot up immediately.
“I know that I should have explained, but I was so utterly heartbroken, I just could not do it.”
His friend closed his eyes, his jaw tight.
Jonathan knew full well he had not done well, but the expression on his friend’s face drove that guilt all the harder into his chest. It was a guilt that he had never been able to push away, ever since he had first chosen to step away from Lady Susanna without any explanation whatsoever.
He had made that choice to protect himself as best he could, wanting to avoid any confrontation or questioning from the lady.
Yes, it might well have been somewhat selfish, but he had accepted his own decision and had never questioned it.
Until this moment.
“Mayhap I should have behaved better than I did,” he said, unwillingly. “I was upset.”
“I can understand that, but did you not know how your actions would affect Lady Susanna? Did you not once think of all the pain that would follow?”
Jonathan winced. “I did. But I ignored it. Just as I have been ignoring it ever since.”
“In the hope that you will forget her.”
With a nod, Jonathan looked away.
“And has it worked?”
He shrugged. “Somewhat.”
“But not enough to forget about her entirely,” Lord Kettering replied, as Jonathan grimaced. “Do you think to avoid her this Season?”
With another nod, Jonathan winced, waiting for Lord Kettering’s sharp response. It did not come. Instead, Lord Kettering sighed and put one hand on Jonathan’s shoulder.
“I do not think that you will succeed, my friend. There is still a good deal of pain and upset within you, is there not?”
“Is it really so obvious?”
His friend nodded fervently, making Jonathan’s scowl return with all swiftness.
“I think that you will have to speak with her,” he challenged, as Jonathan dropped his head and groaned. “You need to close this matter between you properly. Perhaps then you will find yourself less distracted and confused.”
Jonathan opened his mouth to state that he was neither of those things, only for his friend’s raised eyebrow to stop him. With a sigh, he shrugged. “I will think about it.”
“Well, that is something at least.” Lord Kettering looked at him steadily. “I do appreciate knowing the truth, my friend. You may not believe it, but I have been concerned for you.”
Appreciating this, Jonathan returned his friend’s gaze. “I thank you, Kettering. Perhaps you are right, and I do need to have one final conversation with Lady Susanna.”
“I am sure you do,” Lord Kettering replied, as Jonathan tried not to imagine all he would feel in the moment when he would come face to face with Lady Susanna.
“But for now, let us try to enjoy something of this soiree, shall we?” He nodded over Jonathan’s shoulder.
“Look, now. There are Lady Theresa and Lady Evelina – are you acquainted with them? They are the daughters of the Earl of Moncrieff.”
Jonathan glanced over his shoulder. “No, I am not acquainted as yet.” He frowned. “Did you say, the Earl of Moncrieff?”
His friend nodded. “I am, though he is not present in London this Season, I understand.”
Worry began to bite at Jonathan’s heart, but he shook it off.
If Lord Moncrieff was not present, then he did not need to have any concern whatsoever.
His daughters would not know of the matter between himself and their father, he was sure, for a gentleman did not speak to his daughters about any such financial affairs. “I do not know these two ladies, no.”
The curious look on Lord Kettering’s face remained.
“Shall we go and converse with them, then? I shall introduce you, of course,” Lord Kettering stated decisively, refusing to accept any hint of a refusal from Jonathan.
“This way, I, at least, will have some minutes of enjoyment at this soiree even if you will not!” The twinkle in his eye made Jonathan smile ruefully, seeing that his friend did not truly mean such a thing.
All the same, he followed after him and tried to put a smile on his face as he approached the ladies.
Despite his friend’s best efforts, however, Jonathan knew that he would not feel any great enjoyment in anyone’s company.
Not when he had Lady Susanna still fixed so firmly in his mind.