Chapter 6
“Now, if he comes to speak with you – or if you are to be introduced to him – you will have to make sure that no overwhelming swell of emotion overtakes you and is visible in your expression.”
Susanna winced. “I am not sure I can do such a thing,” she said, uncertainly, as both she and Lady Ellen made their way into Almacks.
The assembly rooms were as they always were — deceptively plain for so hallowed a venue, the walls a pale cream, the chandeliers modest compared to the great houses of Mayfair, and the refreshments famously disappointing.
A tray of dry cake and tepid lemonade sat on a side table near the entrance, untouched.
And yet, to be admitted through these doors was the mark of social acceptance, and Susanna did not take it for granted.
The orchestra was already playing from the gallery above, a lively country dance filling the room with its bright melody.
“Even when I think of him, my heart quails and my whole body trembles!”
“But you are strong,” Ellen stated firmly. “Stronger than you might think. You have already endured an entire year of carrying this burden alone, and that has given you a good deal of strength, Susanna. You only have to realize it.”
Not at all certain that she had all that Ellen had suggested, Susanna swallowed her answer and only nodded, trying to believe it.
Looking around the room, she glanced behind her to where Lady Kilthorn stood, only a short distance away, watching them with a smile on her face.
She was not the sort of chaperone who felt the urge to draw particularly near to them, it seemed, leaving them to traverse society mostly on their own.
“Your aunt will follow after us, I presume?”
Ellen nodded. “I am sure she shall. She has told me that some gentlemen prefer to speak to young ladies without a chaperone present, though that is not always a good thing. The roguish gentlemen are mostly inclined towards flirtation – something they would not do when a chaperone is present. However, that way, I suppose, one can tell which gentlemen are worth considering and which are not!”
Susanna smiled. “I suppose so.”
“Now, let us make our way through the room and see which gentlemen we can take notice of – and which to avoid,” Ellen suggested, with a smile.
“And if Lord Lancashire is present in any group, you are not to ignore his presence nor walk past him for fear that he will see you. No, we will make sure to show him that you are not in the least bit troubled by his presence.”
Susanna could only nod, almost a little afraid to disagree with Ellen, given her confidence and determination. “If you think it would be best.”
“It most certainly will be.” With a lift of her chin, Ellen took Susanna’s arm and began to move through the crowd with ease, smiling warmly at various acquaintances before being welcomed by a young lady whom Susanna did not know.
“Ah, Lady Theresa! How very good to see you again.” Ellen smiled and then gestured to Susanna. “Might I introduce Lady Susanna, daughter to the Duke of Somerset? Susanna, this is Lady Theresa. Her father is the Earl of Moncrieff.”
“The Duke’s daughter?” Lady Theresa’s eyes widened for a moment, only for her to flush and then drop into a perfect curtsy. “Forgive my astonishment, Lady Susanna. I have already been introduced to the Duke of Somerset’s daughter, and I did not realize that he had more than one.”
Susanna flushed with embarrassment. “You would have been introduced to my younger sister, I think. Lady Maude?”
“Yes, yes, that is right!” Lady Theresa’s eyes widened, as did her broad smile. “Such a genteel young lady. There are so many gentlemen seeking an acquaintance with her that I felt myself a little overawed by her presence!”
Susanna said nothing to this, silently wishing that Lady Theresa would stop speaking about Maude and instead change the subject to something else.
“And now here is my sister.” Lady Theresa gestured to someone to Susanna’s left, and as she turned her head, a young lady with the same fair hair as Lady Theresa came to join them.
“Evelina, might I introduce Lady Susanna? She is the daughter of the Duke of Somerset. You are already acquainted with Lady Ellen.”
Susanna smiled, hoping that Lady Evelina would not continue in the same vein as her sister had done. “Good evening, Lady Evelina. I am very glad to make your acquaintance.”
“As am I.” Lady Evelina smiled, but to Susanna’s eyes, it was cooler than her sister’s. Mayhap Lady Evelina took a little longer than her sister to be warm in her acquaintance. “The daughter of the Duke of Somerset, you say? I thought he only had one daughter.”
The sting of pain against Susanna’s heart was severe enough to make her wince visibly.
“Well, now you know that the Duke has two daughters!” Ellen’s voice was cheerful but overly so. “Lady Evelina, are you enjoying the Season thus far?”
“I am, yes.” Lady Evelina did not say a word more about the Duke, and for that, Susanna was grateful.
“There are so many gentlemen eager for my acquaintance, I find myself delighted at their interest! There are not enough dances for them all, which is a great pity, for I should very much like to dance with every one.” She let out a trill of laughter.
“I am used to getting whatever it is I desire, so I find it quite delightful to be able to choose which of them I shall stand up with and which I shall discard!”
Susanna, who did not have any of the same interests as Lady Evelina had described, felt a twinge of jealousy which she did her best to ignore.
All the same, she dropped her gaze to the floor, choosing not to respond to such remarks, given that she did not know what to say.
But as she glanced up again, she caught Lady Evelina studying her with an odd, assessing look — the kind of look a chess player might give a piece not yet in play.
It was gone in an instant, replaced by the same cool smile, and Susanna told herself she had imagined it.
“And now here is one gentleman who has not yet signed my dance card but whom I would very much like to dance with all the same!” Lady Evelina waved one hand and fluttered her eyelashes, and Susanna did her best not to turn her head to see which gentleman it was.
She could not tell whether or not Lady Evelina had meant for the gentleman in question to hear what she had said, but silently thought that if she had, it was a very bold remark indeed!
“Lady Theresa, Lady Evelina.” A gentleman bowed his head, then came to join them all.
“How good to see you both.” His smile was warm, and as Susanna took him in, she found a frown pulling across her forehead.
There was something about him that was familiar, but she was sure she had not met him before.
“Might we introduce Lady Ellen and Lady Susanna?” Lady Theresa gestured to each of them in turn. “This is the Earl of Tunbridge.”
“How good to meet you.” Susanna smiled and then dropped into a quick curtsy.
“And to meet you.” The gentleman’s eyes brightened. “And here now is my brother, let me introduce you to him also – unless you are already acquainted?”
“We are not.”
A deep, recognizable voice came from behind Susanna’s shoulder, and her heart stopped dead.
A coldness ran down her chest and into her limbs, her fingers going numb.
The room seemed to tilt around her — the music, the laughter, the clink of glasses all fading to a dull hum as every nerve in her body oriented itself towards that voice, that presence she had once longed for and now dreaded.
Lord Lancashire.
“We are already acquainted.” Lady Theresa’s voice was warm. “Is that not so, Lord Lancashire?”
“It is.”
“Then permit me to make the introductions,” Lord Tunbridge continued as Susanna’s lungs began to scream for air, begging her to take in a breath.
“Brother, this is Lady Ellen and Lady Susanna.” There came a slight hesitation.
“I am afraid I do not know anything more than your names, however. Forgive me for that.” He paused.
“Lady Ellen, Lady Susanna, this is my elder brother, the Marquess of Lancashire.”
What choice did she have but to curtsy? Feeling as if she might drop to the floor if she tried to do such a thing, Susanna could only bob up and down, unable to look the Marquess in the face as he moved to stand beside his brother.
“It is always such a pleasure to make a new acquaintance,” Ellen said, shifting her stance a little so she could take Susanna’s arm in her own. “I do hope you are enjoying the Season, Lord Lancashire?”
He cleared his throat as Susanna closed her eyes for only a moment, taking in a long breath that brought her a little more strength. “It is fairly pleasant, yes.”
“Then let us make this evening very enjoyable indeed by dancing with these fine ladies!” Lord Tunbridge exclaimed, making Susanna’s heart drop to the floor.
“Your dance cards, ladies? I am very bold, I know.” He laughed at this, and both Lady Theresa and Lady Evelina laughed along with him, but she could not even muster a smile.
What was she to say? She could not refuse a gentleman, for to do so would be unseemly and would have most of London whispering about her once it became known!
But she could not bring herself to dance with Lord Lancashire, not when it would tear her heart into a thousand tiny pieces.
“Here.”
Without warning, Ellen took the dance card from Susanna’s wrist as well as her own and handed it to Lord Tunbridge.
“You are very generous, Lord Tunbridge,” she continued, catching Susanna’s hand and pressing it lightly. “I do hope that you are an excellent dancer, for we ladies shall all gather together at the end of the evening and discuss our dances!”
Lord Tunbridge chuckled and looked down at the dance cards. “I can assure you, I dance very well. My brother, on the other hand, has not had as much practice as I this Season so you may well struggle with him!”
Susanna, her breath still swirling in her chest, finally dragged her eyes towards Lord Lancashire.
He was standing, his hands behind his back, with his head a little lowered.
His gaze was centered on the floor between them, and he did not even flinch, hearing his brother’s remarks.
She could not understand why he had stated they were not acquainted!
There was nothing wrong with their previous acquaintance, for aside from the stolen moments, their acquaintance had been perfectly proper.
Was he trying to make sure that she knew that their previous acquaintance meant nothing to him? That she was nothing to him?
“I cannot dance this evening, I do not think. Alas, my foot –”
“Nonsense!” Clearly unwilling to accept his brother’s excuses, and despite the relief that had threatened to fill Susanna’s heart, Lord Tunbridge thrust the dance cards into Lord Lancashire’s hands.
“I will not let you say you cannot dance. There is no reason for you to do so, and it will lift your spirits a great deal!”
“Goodness, are your spirits so low that you will not dance with us?” Lady Theresa’s eyes widened. “Come, Lord Lancashire, listen to your brother and do not refuse us. I know that we –”
“Do not worry, Lady Theresa.” Lord Lancashire interrupted her, but did it with a smile and a glance in her direction – a smile that Susanna felt quite sure was false.
Looking away, she tried not to let her heart thunder so wildly that it would send tremors through her frame.
She could not lose her composure, even if everything in her was screaming to run from him.
“Thank you, Lord Lancashire.” Lady Evelina’s delight was evident in her voice as Susanna forced herself to lift her head.
When the Marquess held out her dance card, she could barely lift her head to look at him, her gaze landing somewhere on his shoulder as she reached for it.
Their fingers brushed, and Susanna jolted, pulling her hand away as if he had pained her in some way.
“Until later this evening. Do excuse me.”
She could not bring herself to look at him as he departed, her face hot and her eyes pricking with tears. His retreating footsteps seemed to echo in her chest, each one a reminder of that other departure — the one a year ago, when he had walked away from her and never come back.
“We should also take our leave,” she heard Ellen say.
“We must find many more gentlemen to fill our dance cards, must we not?” She laughed lightly, and Lady Theresa laughed with her, but Susanna could not even look at her new acquaintances.
Instead, she let Ellen lead her away, still keeping her head lowered and her gaze near to people’s feet for fear that if she lifted her head, tears would come.
“You did remarkably well,” Ellen murmured, taking her to the edge of the ballroom. “I did not expect him to dance with us all, however. That must be a very great worry for you.”
Susanna nodded, her throat tight. “Yes, it is,” she answered, hoarsely. “I do not know what to do.”
“You must dance,” came the quiet reply. “Treat him as if he were any other gentleman and stay silent throughout, if you must.”
“I am not certain I can even stand up with him,” Susanna confessed, a tear dripping down her cheek as she hastily wiped it away. “Even trying to look at him made my heart stop.”
Ellen took her hand, lifted her gaze, and fixed it firmly to Susanna’s. “If you cannot stand up with him, then I will make your excuses,” she said firmly. “You need not do this, Susanna. Not if you cannot.”
Susanna dropped her head, her heart and mind in turmoil.
He had been so very dismissive of her, had suggested that they were not even known to one another, and that had left her in a deep distress and upset.
Would she have the strength to stand up with him?
To have his hand upon hers as her heart broke all over again?
And if she did not, if she hid away and ran from him, what would he think of her then?