Chapter Twelve
~ Daniel ~
My eyes fluttered open as I stretched my arms over my head. I felt better than I had in a very long time, maybe even longer than I could remember. I didn't care if I felt a twinge in certain body parts. It was a good kind of ache.
I knew I was alone in bed because I was sleeping smack dab in the middle of the mattress. I giggled as I rocked from side to side, my exuberance getting the better of me as the memories of the previous night flooded my head.
I was married and my husband had spent the night in my bed. It wasn't a loveless marriage to an older man just to keep me safe. It was a marriage to man that seemed to want me just as much as I wanted him.
This boded well for our future.
With a grin plastered on my face, I rolled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I still had a greasy feeling between my ass cheeks from the lube Jackson had used and as much as I was glad he used it, it felt kind of weird several hours later.
After my shower, I blow dried my hair and then went searching for some clothes. Thankfully, I had a pair of slacks and a sweater I could wear today. I'd have to wash yesterday's clothes before tomorrow.
I dressed carefully, wanting to impress my new husband.
Husband .
I loved that word.
I gathered up all my dirty clothes and set them on a chair near the door before heading out to hunt down my missing husband. Considering how late Jackson had worked in his study last night, I was kind of surprised he would be up this early working again.
Maybe it had to do with all those papers he signed yesterday at the lawyer's office. I knew since we had gotten married, he'd be taking over Sir's company and inheriting the man's estate. That had to be time consuming.
Surprisingly, Jackson wasn't in his study. In fact, it didn't look like anyone had been in there in days. The place was almost obsessively clean.
Must have good maid service.
I started to search the rest of the house, but it wasn't until I reach the living room that I realized we had company. I swallowed tightly and tried to not to be nervous as I gave Miles a respectful bow.
"Mr. Miles, sir."
"Just Miles, Daniel."
"Yes, sir." My brow furrowed as I glanced around. "Did Jackson leave for work or something?" He'd said he had a lot to do today. For some reason, I had thought we'd be doing it together.
Miles's face grew serious, which sent a cold chill down my spine. "Jackson had to return to London."
I sucked in a sharp breath. "Did he say when he'd be back?"
"Jackson is not coming back, Daniel."
The room around me grew hazy. "He's not coming back?"
Miles pressed his fingers together, resting his elbows on his thighs. "My understanding is that something happened between you two last night?"
My face flushed so red I swear I could feel the heat in my toes. "Yes."
Miles sighed before grabbing something off the coffee table and getting up. He carried it over to me and held it out. "Jackson left this for you," he said before gesturing toward the kitchen. "I'm going to go get a cup of coffee. I'll try to answer any questions you have after you read it."
The trepidation I felt was growing heavier. I carried the letter over to the couch and sat down. I stared at it for a moment before opening the letter with trembling hands.
Daniel,
I am headed back to London. I think, under the circumstance, that it is better if we limit our association so situations like the night before don't happen again.
I have set up a trust fund to care for your future needs. It should be enough to take care of you for the rest of your life. However, if you need more, talk to Miles and he will arrange it with me.
If you choose to return to the estate, let Miles know and I will sign it over to you. The same with the penthouse. If you choose to stay there, let Miles know and I will sign it over to you.
I would like you to continue your counseling, but as of now, you are free to do what you want with your life. You are no one's slave, servant, or boy. You have no master.
Jackson Wyatt
I stared at Jackson's words and then let out a little laugh. That was it? That was all he wrote? He just tore the rug out from under me, abandoned me, and left me without a master, and that is all he wrote?
My little laugh grew louder, becoming hysterical. Tears sprang to my eyes and started sliding down my cheeks. I couldn't understand how I could be crying and laughing at the same time.
I was broken.
That was the answer.
Sir had died and left me and my new master didn't want me. It was because I was broken. There was something wrong with me.
I racked my brain trying to think of what I had done that made my master leave me, but nothing came to mind. I had been so careful to follow every rule Jackson had given me. I was respectful, quiet, and did what I was told.
So, why had he left me?
I froze when my eyes fell on the beginning of Jackson's letter. He had stated that it was better if we limited our association so situations like the night before didn't happen again.
My thoughts instantly went to what had happened after he came to me and woke me up in the middle of the night. And then I knew why my master had abandoned me.
Whore.
Slut.
Dirty.
Waste of space.
Good for nothing.
Useless.
All words that had been thrown at me time and time again...and now I knew that they were true. Sir might have tried to convince me otherwise, and for awhile I had believed it, but in less than twenty-four hours my new master had left me so they must be true.
I had thrown myself at Jackson like a shameless slut, spreading my legs for him even though I was a dirty used up whore.
No wonder he had run. He had to be disgusted with me. I would have run, too, so I couldn't blame him. I knew what I was. I'd always known since I was sold to my first master at the tender age of five.
I pressed the letter to my chest as my tears fell, proof that I was broken written in black and white. Even if I never saw the words again, I wouldn't forget. Jackson had been my last hope and now he was gone.
I don't know how long I sat there staring off into space before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quickly scooted away, not wanting anyone else to touch me.
I was tainted.
Miles was behind me when I turned, his hands held up. "I'm not going to hurt you, Daniel. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Okay? I was never going to be okay again. The truth I had so carefully hidden behind a facade of serenity had finally come out and now I was unwanted.
"I'm fine," I said in a monotone voice. I carefully pressed the letter to the coffee table, trying to get out all the wrinkles I had created when I clutched the letter to my chest. "I don't have a master anymore."
It hurt saying that, but it was the truth.
"Jackson made arrangements so that you don't have to have a master," Miles stated in a calm voice, almost as if he was afraid I'd break, except it was too late for that. "You're free now, Daniel. You can be and do anything you want."
I wanted a master, but that wasn't going to happen.
I neatly folded the letter and then got up. I started heading out of the living room, but Miles's voice stopped me.
"I'll be working in the study if you need anything."
What I needed I couldn't have.
I took the letter with me when I went back to my room. As sad as it was, it was the only thing Jackson had ever given me. A part of me wanted to treasure it. Another part wanted to keep it as a reminder of just how worthless I was.
Although, I didn't think I'd ever forget.
I set the letter on the nightstand where I could see it and then climbed under the covers, tugging them up to my neck. My mind went strangely blank as I started at the edges of the white paper.
I slowly closed my eyes and prayed that my mind stayed blank as I fell asleep. No dreams. No nightmares. Just blissful nothingness.
Darkness had fallen when someone shook me awake. I opened my eyes to find Miles standing next to the bed.
"Hey, you haven't eaten all day. Are you hungry? Sam and I ordered some food."
I thought about it for a moment and then shook my head.
"Why don't you try to get a little something in your stomach anyway? It isn't good for you to go this long without eating."
Considering I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, Miles was probably right. Didn't mean I was hungry, though, because I wasn't. I wasn't hungry, tired, energetic, happy, or even sad. Nothing. I felt nothing. That right there should have made me happy, but it didn't because I simply wasn't feeling anything.
It took considerable effort to get out of bed and go to the bathroom before heading to the dining room. Miles was already at the table, but Sam was just walking in with a stack of plates.
"I kind of helped myself to your kitchen," Sam said shyly. "I hope you don't mind." I was surprised as it was the first words Sam had ever spoken to me.
I shook my head.
It wasn't like this was my place anyway.
What did I care?
I sat down at the table and started to wait until Miles and Sam had served themselves before I remembered that I no longer had a master, which meant I didn't have to wait for anyone else before eating.
Still, seventeen years of conditioning was hard to break.
I only put a little food on my plate as I really didn't think I could stomach more. Each bite was small and I only ate until I felt my stomach threatening to rebel. I set my fork on my plate, nodded to both men, and then stood up.
I nodded to Miles and Sam before carrying my plate back into the kitchen, scraping the leftover food into the garbage, and then rinsing my plate and sticking it in the dishwasher.
I grabbed a bottled water before heading back to my room.
Jackson's room.
This whole place was Jackson's despite his assurance that I could have it if I wanted it. I didn't. I didn't even want to stay here now. I wanted nothing from Jackson.
Except the letter. That, I would be keeping.
Instead of going back to bed, I walked over and sat in one of the chairs by the window. I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapped my arm around them, and rested my chin on my knees, and then I just stared out the window.
There was no one here to tell me what to do, no orders to follow. I didn't know what to do with myself. I thought about washing my dirty clothes, but I hadn't had time to ask Jackson where the laundry room was before he left.
I suppose I could search for it tomorrow.
And then what?
I had nothing to do, no master to serve. I'd spent almost my entire life serving. I didn't know how to do anything else. I didn't know how to survive without a master.
I didn't lift my head when someone knocked on the bedroom door. I didn't even acknowledge that someone was there until Miles squatted down in front of me, and then I just looked at him.
"Daniel, Sam and I are going to head to our place for the night, but we'll be back tomorrow. We'll be right downstairs if you need us. Austin will stay with you tonight so you won't be alone, okay?"
I nodded.
Miles stared at me for a moment before ruffling the hair on the top of my head. "You're going to be okay, Daniel."
I doubted it.
Okay didn't seem to be in my vocabulary.
I sat in that same position after Miles left until I saw the sun coming up between two sky scrapers. I watched it rise up higher and higher until it disappeared from sight and then darkness began to fall.
At some point, Miles came in with a plate of food and set it on the table next to the chair, encouraging me to eat, but I still wasn't hungry.
I wasn't anything.