12. Katie
KATIE
T he heat in his eyes is enough to burn me straight to my soul. It’s the type of look I didn’t expect to see from him again after the first night we were together. This man, who tends to hide so much about himself, isn’t able to do it with his reaction to me.
A small smile flits to the corner of my lips. I’m beyond pleased with myself.
“I’m ready,” I say, pressing the dress against my legs, highlighting the slit up the side.
“I can see that.” He clears his throat before swallowing roughly. “As I was going to say, I’ll be ready in fifteen.”
“Perfect, should I go downstairs and wait with your family?”
“No, we’re going together and they’re going on their own. You and I will arrive separate from them. It’s time to start pressing the image we’re happily involved.” He takes one last look at me before heading toward the bathroom.
“Okay, I laid out your suit,” I point over to the bed. “It was delivered this afternoon.”
“Thank you.”
I take the small token of appreciation and hold it close to my chest. If I’m going to survive this, I’ve got to cherish whatever amount of niceness he’s willing to give me. If I don’t, I’m going to slip into the depths of a despair I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull myself out of.
He disappears behind the heavy door leading to the bathroom, and I take a moment to walk over to where a floor-length mirror sits. The woman staring back at me isn’t one I recognize. This one is even less known to me than the one who’d stared back at me on my wedding day.
This is hard.
I’ve always known who I am, and who I’m supposed to be. I knew I had a role to play and I was okay with it. The reality is much harder than the premise. At times today, I’ve wondered what I’ve done to make my parents use me the way they have, and then I’ve promised myself I’ll be the strongest person who ever walked this earth.
This woman I’m looking at? I don’t know who she is. I don’t know how hard she’s willing to fight, and that terrifies me. This could ruin me. I could place all my hope in this man who’s given me his name, and he could refuse to meet me halfway.
When I talked about this with my mom while growing up, that’s what was explained to me. My husband would meet me in the middle and we’d be a pair against the world.
I wish I could go back and tell that young girl she would have to find strength within herself. Now, I’m seeing how naive it was of me to hold onto that belief.
“Can you tie a tie?” a male voice asks behind me.
His hair is still wet, but without that, you’d never know he just got out of the shower. He’s looking entirely unbothered, whereas before, the heat in his gaze made me think he wanted to tear this dress off my body. Smiling at him in the mirror, I turn, taking in his black-suit-clad body.
“I do. I have older brothers.”
“Ward was the one of us who learned to tie. Another thing I counted on him for.” His eyes avoid mine as I walk toward him.
“You were close, what did he depend on you for?” I ask quietly. So far all he’s shared with me are the ways he counted on his brother.
He chuckles. A pained, deep sound, ripped from the depths of his soul. I think for the first time he’s letting the realization of what’s happened hit him.
“He didn’t need to depend on me for shit. Ward had it all together, and I was the one who struggled with everything. I never knew what I wanted to do, didn’t realize what all went into this ranch, assumed things would be mine because I was the oldest. When that actually happened, I couldn’t take it, and he saved me.”
Clearing my throat, I walk closer and grab the two ends of the tie. I’ve seen my brothers talk like this previously and there’s a chance I have a different perspective than he does.
“Did you ever think that maybe he didn’t know what he was doing either? It was easier to clean up your messes, or be the person who was able to say yes to everything? He never had to disappoint anyone, he was the one who always got to get the dopamine hit off of giving everyone else good news. It’s addicting, and while it always seemed that you weren’t the one who had it together to you—I have a feeling he felt the same way about himself. He didn’t know a damn thing about himself either, and he was doing the best he could.”
I finish with the tie, and lean in to kiss his lips softly. “You look handsome.”
His Adam’s apple moves up and down. “Thank you. You’re beautiful, and I’m glad to have you on my arm tonight.”
Pleasure flushes my cheeks down to my chest. “I’m glad to be with you too,” I whisper.
We’re quiet as we finish getting what we need and then head out of the bedroom and down to the foyer. The rest of his family and a few workers are there, having what appears to be a heated discussion. All talk dissipates when they get a good look at us. The gaze I get from his dad makes my skin crawl.
“Your wife is beautiful, Trace.”
My husband puts a protective arm around my waist, pulling me close. “My wife is. Remember that. We’ll meet y’all there.”
I don’t ask where we’re going, I just let him lead me by the hand on the small of my back. I’m expecting to go to his truck, but instead, he leads me to a sleek SUV. The black paint gleams as the lights in the garage bounce off of it. He opens the passenger side door, helping me up. I push out a laugh.
“Do you feel like you’re going to prom?”
He chuckles along with me. “Kind of, but there’s one thing I’ll let you know. You’re a lot more beautiful than the friend I took back then.”
“I didn’t even have a date,” I admit.
Reaching over, he caresses my cheek. “Those guys were stupid.”
“They knew I was promised to someone else, but I don’t think any of us were ready for you, Trace Miller.”
A scoff puffs against my neck as he helps me buckle my seatbelt. The gesture is so sweet, tears spring to my eyes. As he buckles me in and steps down, before closing the door, I realize I’m going to have to protect myself even more than I thought. This man is sweet enough to make me fall in love with him, and confused enough about what his life is supposed to look like, to break my heart.