11. Trace
TRACE
T he sun is beating down hot against my back as I walk along the edges of our property. Four-wheelers are an easy way to get out to the fence lines, but it’s always best when feet are on the ground.
Pulling the notebook out of my shirt pocket, I make a note of where some of the fences need to be fixed. It doesn’t look like anyone’s been out here in a few months, and if we want to make sure we’re keeping the calves we’ll hopefully have from the new breeding program, we need to make sure these are taken care of.
Sighing, I adjust my hat and look out along the horizon.
Fuck. I never thought I’d be back here. Never thought I’d be trying to figure out how to make this shit work. This wasn’t ever the plan, but that’s the joke, right? Life never goes to plan, even when you have one outlined perfectly.
Can’t change it now, so I might as well make the best of it I can. However, I’m well aware of what’s riding on this. A whole house full of people and an operation’s worth of workers. Their paycheck and their future are on my shoulders. The weight of it is heavy, heavier than anything I’ve ever felt. The pressure is immense, and if I’m not careful, I’m going to buckle under it. Old me would find the closest woman to get lost in, or a poker game to try and win. That was the boy who didn’t have a care in the world, who thought he had his whole life ahead of him.
Fuck was I wrong.
Now? I’m responsible for this entire operation. Money isn’t something to be played with, and I absolutely don’t want to give my wife anything to use against me.
The sound of another four-wheeler approaching has me turning to look toward the east. Squinting, I try to make out the rider, and as they come closer, I do.
My best friend. Kyle.
“Hey,” he greets as he comes to a stop, idling. Within moments, he turns the engine off. “Saw you coming out here and figured I’d see if you needed some help. You’ve been quiet.”
I sigh heavily. If there’s one person I can allow to see what this responsibility is doing to me, it’s him.
“Trying to get my ducks in a row and figure out what the fuck I’m doing. Ward and I had very different ideas on how to run this ranch, so I’m trying to get up to speed on the breeding program he was going to implement. It’s not easy. A lot of the shit he wrote down was in short-hand only he could understand, and you know the old man.”
“He finding solace in the bottom of a bottle?”
“Two every night,” I scoff. “If we’re gonna pull this off, it’s going to have to come from me. It’s a type of pressure I’ve never had before, and I don’t know if I can make it happen,” I admit.
“If there’s one thing I know about, it’s that you rise to every occasion. No matter how difficult it is, you somehow always make it work. I’ll be right here with you, and I have a feeling the woman you’re calling your wife now will be too.”
I tilt my head back to the sky. “She’s an unexpected complication.”
“Because of the bar?” He smirks.
“Fuck yeah, because of the bar. I thought I’d never see her again, figured I’d be on my way as soon as the sun came up over the mountains, and now what the fuck are we doing? We’re married, expected to pull this ranch out of the red while having to pretend we’re rich and in love. No one knows how dire this situation is, Kyle. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know what’s going to happen. Mom and Dad have been living for years like we’re millionaires flush with cash. We’re living on land worth millions of dollars, but that’s not the same as having those zeros in our bank accounts. They’re driving us to ruin, and they’re looking at me like I have all of the answers. I wasn’t prepared for this,” I admit. “I’d checked out, and was ready to live my life for me. This has been a shock. All of it.”
“Anyone in your situation would be feeling the same way.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to have all the answers.”
“Yeah, I do,” I blow out a breath. “Who else is going to have them if I don’t? We can’t wait around for someone else to decide they’re going to take the reins and move us into this century. If this is going to happen, it has to happen now, and I’m the one to do it.”
“We believe in you,” Kyle assures me. “The hands are all behind you and we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make this a success. You can count on us to work with you, not against you.”
“I appreciate that. Right now, I think y’all are all I can count on.” Glancing at my watch, I realize if I want to be ready when we need to leave, I have to head back to the house now. “I gotta go get Ball approved. I’ll talk to you later?”
“Yeah, I’ll finish this fence line.” He points to the last three miles I had to go.
“Thank you.”
“You never have to thank me, that’s what brothers are for.”
His words hit harder than they ever would’ve previously. Him, myself, and Ward have always called each other brothers. He was the third one we never had. To know there’s only two of us now? It makes the back of my eyes sting and my throat feel swollen. As I ride the four-wheeler back across the property toward home, I let a few tears fall, hoping they’ll be the first steps in healing my heart and mind.
* * *
When I get back to the house, it’s bustling. Everyone is trying to get last minute preparations done to leave. My mom and dad are already dressed and ready to go.
“Trace, you’re not dressed?” Mom asks as she sees me walk in, her mouth hanging open in surprise.
“Someone has to work around here. It’ll take me thirty minutes. Katie and I will meet you there.”
“Shouldn’t we arrive as a family?”
This is going to hurt her, and I shouldn’t take as much pleasure in it as I’m about to. “I will arrive with my family. My wife and I will make the splash you want us to. We’ll see you there.”
Turning on my heel, I dismiss her, before heading through the foyer and up the stairs two at a time. Walking into my bedroom, I lock the door so that no one can interrupt.
“I’ll be ready in fif—” As I catch a glimpse at the woman in front of me, I lose my words.
She’s beyond beautiful, and I realize quickly, I’m in deep, deep shit.