32. Katie
KATIE
I refuse to keep you in this if you don't want to be. Those words replay over and over again in my head, making it spin round and round like a record.
"Morning Ms. Katie."
I'm knocked out of my thoughts by Monica. "Morning, how's your day so far?"
She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I woke up this morning, so I'm blessed."
I recognize the sadness. I've had it most of my life. Knowing what my job was for the family, feeling as if I was bought and paid for. I still feel this way now, even though I've come out on the other side and I'm a married woman. It still lives there inside; a modern day whore. None of the girls I went to school with could understand it. I was in my own hell and no one else could recognize it. Which could be why I recognize it in her. "Waking up doesn't mean you're blessed. It means you woke up. Are you okay?"
Her bottom lip quivers, and tears pool in her eyes. "I'm fine," she smiles tightly.
"You're not," I shake my head. "I know you don't know me from anyone else in this world, but I feel like I see you, for who you are. You're doing the best you can and sometimes that means you aren't okay."
"Mrs. Miller yelled at me this morning," she admits, half-shrugging. "I made a mistake and she screamed at me as if I were a child."
"She did what?" I question, not able to understand what she's saying.
"She screamed at me because I made a mistake," she sniffles as she puts a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast in front of me.
"What kind of mistake did you make?" I ask her softly.
She tries not to cry, I see her try to hold it in. The way her lip quivers and the strong way she holds herself straight and tight. "I forgot she's decided to not eat what she normally does. She's trying to fit into a dress for one of the upcoming social events. Instead of making what she requested, I made what she normally eats."
"And she screamed at you?" I may not be able to do things to protect myself, but there's no reason I shouldn't be able to try and protect Monica. She's an employee here, but by intents and purposes she's my employee just as much as she's Mrs. Miller's.
"Very loudly, and now my nerves are shot." She says, before she catches herself.
It's in this moment, I realize I don't know much about her. "Is there something else that's happened to make your nerves shot?"
"I have a five-month-old," she smiles, before reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. She flips back and forth before turning the phone toward me. "That's my son."
The picture staring back at me is definitely her child. He looks just like her. "He's so cute," I grin up at her. "What's his name?"
"Milo, it was my grandfather's name, and I always wanted to honor him by giving it to my child. He died a month after my son was born. It's been hard," she sighs.
I know exactly what she means. Life is hard, even harder when things don't go your way. When you lose the people you need the most at the exact time you need them. "I can only imagine. I've never lost someone who was close to me like that." Unless you count myself. Thanks to all this I've lost myself. The person who I thought I was, anyway. I'm beginning to realize I'm stronger than I thought I was, and possibly this is the way it should've gone from the beginning. Maybe in the end I'll be a person I never thought I could be, and I'll be prouder than I ever was before.
"Yesterday was my grandfather's birthday and my son was up all night with a fever. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to come in, but my husband stayed home with him. My mind was elsewhere, and I completely forget what Mrs. Miller asked for. I would never do it intentionally. This job means a lot to me."
Anyone who watches the way she works around here, especially in the kitchen, she loves it. "I know, I can tell by the way you show up every day and take pride in the way you do things. I've cooked my entire life, but I know nothing I've ever done compares to what you do. You're an artist, a magician if you will, and none of us need to take that for granted. I'm sorry she yelled at you."
"It's okay," she sniffles again. "I just don't want to lose my job. I have a houseful of people depending on me."
If anyone understands that pressure, it's me. "I promise you won't lose your job. I swear that to you. You'll always have a spot here as long as I do."
She comes around the counter, and gives me a hug. I didn't realize how much I missed the physical touch of others. Trace doesn't offer it all the time, and when he does, I soak it up like a sponge. "Thank you, Mrs. Katie. I'm thankful to know I have a friend here."
"You do, and I promise you'll always have me. Now I need to get this breakfast eaten so I can go out and join Trace."
"I think it's sweet you go help him, it's what I like to do with my husband when I'm home."
While I would love to talk to her, I have other places to be, so I keep my head down and finish my meal, before i get up and head out with a purpose.
I walk through the house looking for the person I want to talk to, but I can't find her. Instead of finding her in the house where I expect to, I look out and see her out next to the corral. Quickly I go upstairs, get dressed, put on boots, and head out that way. I don't know what I'm going to say to her, but I'm shaking the closer I get.
I've never stood up for myself, or anyone else. I guess there's a first time for everything, because I'm about to stand up in a big fucking way.