34. Katie
KATIE
O ver the next few weeks the tension in the house is thick enough to cut with a knife. Trace and I do our best to stay out of everyone's way, but the stress is starting to affect us too. We're snipping at each other more than we should be.
"Will you pick this up?" I flick his dirty shirt with my toe, watching as it lands on his boots. "I'm not your maid or your mother, and while Monica is the cook and housekeeper, it's just as easy for you to put in the damn hamper."
He growls, shoving an agitated hand through his hair. "I'm fucking tired when I come in at night. Do you know how hard it is to make sure I'm doing everything I need to be doing?"
"Yeah, do you know how tired I am? I'm helping you with everything but insemination. I know how hard you're working, but I'm also working just as hard. It doesn't mean I wanna pick up after you when I come in from the same long day you've had."
A muscle ticks in his jaw as he glares at me. We've been pretty good with one another for the last few weeks, but today very well may be our tipping point. We're both tired, irritated, and apparently aching to pick a fight. "While I appreciate you helping when you can, it's not the same Katie."
"How's it not the same? I'm out there the same amount as you. I might not be doing the heavy lifting, but I'm doing something, which is more than I can say for your parents who sit in this house like a King and Queen on their thrones."
He tilts his head to the side, eyes flashing. "I have nothing to do with them. I can't, in any way, force them to do something they don't want to do, and you know that. Why the fuck are we arguing about them?"
"Because I asked you not to leave your dirty laundry on the floor."
He sighs. "Son of a bitch. I'm going to take a shower."
There's something about his dismissal of me that sets me off. I don't even understand it, but I march after him, ready to give him a piece of my mind. Really fucking annoyed would be a better description. He slams the door to the bathroom as he enters, but I follow behind, undeterred. "Don't walk away from me. Enough people have walked away from you. You should know how that feels."
He turns on me, eyes flashing, face red. "Don't throw the way I grew up back in my face, and don't you dare bring my brother into this."
"We all have issues, Trace, but yours are suffocating your ability to see beyond what's in front of you. Don't you understand that? I'm here with you, and for you, but you're letting the tension in this house get to you."
"How am I supposed to avoid it?" He screams. "It's everywhere I turn."
"You avoid it by letting me help you, but you won't let me in."
"I've let you in more than I've ever let anyone else. If it's not enough for you, I don't know what to say."
Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, counting to ten and trying to understand where he's coming from. "Say you believe me, Trace. When you act like this, it's obvious you don't."
His face hardens, that same tick in his jaw jumping with irritation. "I don't believe you, and you wanna know why? Because you were basically paid to marry me. This isn't a fuckin' love match, darlin'. This was a transaction, and sooner or later, you're gonna get tired of being here with me. Just like the rest of them."
The way he says transaction hurts. More than I can put into words. Tears pool in my eyes, and my soul aches, because I've seen how good this man can be. I've watched him laugh, seen him tease Kyle, every once in a while noticed the way he looks at me with respect and tenderness in his eyes, but right now he's not someone I recognize. "Do you really think what we've been doing is a transaction?" I question, my throat swelling with sadness and unshed tears.
By the look on his face, he's beyond annoyed. The lack of empathy breaks my heart, and I know whatever this is, it's not going to be good. "I mean what else is it? We didn't fall in love, didn't even like each other, and if we hadn't met in a bar and fucked in the parking lot, we wouldn't know who each other are. We married to help our families. If that isn't the definition of a goddamn transaction, I don't know what is."
Swallowing roughly, I inhale a shaky breath. "Okay, if that's the way you feel, you can do this transaction without me," I'm proud of the way I hold my chin still. While my insides and my mind are an absolute mess, I'm aware that to all outward appearances, I have my shit together. Turning on my heel, I head for the bedroom.
"Where are you going?" Trace asks, coming in hot behind me.
"Somewhere I don't feel like a transaction." I say the words with a smile on my face, but there's no doubt how much it hurts within me.
"If you think you're leaving, you're outta your mind."
I ignore him, instead reaching into the closet and grabbing out a bag. I don't answer him, don't acknowledge him. I throw things into the bag, not caring what it is. As long as I have clothes to wear, I don't care. When I know I have enough for a few days, I zip the bag and put it on my shoulder. "Hide and watch, Trace. I won't be treated this way. We might not have the most traditional relationship, but we do have one. You acting like we're nothing to each other isn't going to fly with me. Either you deal with us being together and you treat me like a partner, or forget about me, Trace."
"We can't forget about each other. There are plans in place. Our parents signed contracts in our names."
This is the first time I'm hearing about a contract. "I never signed anything."
"Because they did it when we were young. Our marriage is literally a contract, Katie. You think it's not, but it is."
"We can change the contract, Trace. It doesn't have to be the way they want it to be, we can enjoy each other. We can fall in love, and be friends."
"If you think I can ever love you, you think more of me than I think of myself," he lifts his tortured eyes up to mine.
"Then I'm leaving," I scoff.
"Where are you going to go?"
"I don't know," I admit, but I've got to do this for myself. "I can't stay here."
As I leave, he doesn't try and stop me. Going down the stairs, I grab keys to one of the cars and then head out to the garage. Using the fob, I find the car, and get in. When I start it, the GPS pops up and there's a familiar name on it. This is where I'll go. Following the directions, I end up at a modest house a few miles away. Getting out, I take a deep breath and grab my bag, before walking up to the front door. I'm hesitant to knock, but I have to. When the door is answered, there's a look of surprise on the person's face.
"Katie what are you doing here?" Kyle asks.
"I left Trace, I need a place to stay and I don't want to intrude on Marissa and Cain, so you're the next best option."
He steps back. "Alright then, come on in."
When I enter, I wonder if I've made the right decision or not, but then I realize I've made the only decision I can.