47. Katie
KATIE
I t's two days before I can get away from Trace. For some reason I had to be there for everything he needed help with. I tried and tried to get away but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I knew the more I brought attention to it, the worse it would be. I'm not much of a poker face, and more than anything, I knew he would see right through me.
The thing that's been keeping me going? Sprite. Motherfucking Sprite.
Going down the stairs, I take a seat at the island. Monica greets me with a smile, holding that green can in front of me. "Good morning," I pop the tab.
"Good morning," she looks around to make sure no one else is here or that no one else can hear us. "When are you going to tell Trace?"
"What do you mean?"
I obviously know what she means, but I haven't even admitted it to myself yet. How can I admit it to someone who isn't my husband?
She gives me a wink. "I have my little one. In the first few weeks, I didn't know. What I did know? That certain things tasted like they were the best things I'd ever had. Even food and drinks I'd never liked before. It was this craving I couldn't get rid of, the only thing that felt like it could quench my thirst or my hunger. I was nauseated all the time, but I figured it was because I'd eaten something bad. Seems so funny when you look back at it. My boobs were sore, and my body was tender to the touch."
I look around the same way she did, hoping I can talk to her as a friend, instead of what is an employee for the family. I don't have anyone else I can talk to, except for Marissa. "I don't know for sure," I whisper-hiss. "I'm trying to get away from Trace so I can go to town and get a pregnancy test, but he's been attached to my hip like a piece of velcro for the past two days."
She giggles. "Do you think he knows subconsciously?"
This is a good point, and not something I've thought of. "I don't know. I hope not, I'd love to surprise him."
"Well, what I can tell you is he and Kyle headed out about five minutes ago, so if you leave now, you should be able to do whatever it is you need to do."
Grabbing the can, I hop off the barstool. "Can you throw me that sleeve of crackers over there?" They seem to be the only thing that doesn't make me want to puke it up.
She tosses them to me and I catch them with a flick of my wrist. "Thanks for this, and thanks for keeping my secret. I appreciate you more than you know."
"I kinda feel like the two of us are all we can count on in this house. Mrs. Miller hates both of us equally."
I can't help it but I laugh so hard at her reasoning. That Mrs. Miller hates us equally. It's true, and at least there's someone here who can understand where I'm coming from and what I'm dealing with. "You've got that right. I'll see you soon."
Taking my can of lemon lime soda, and my sleeve of crackers, I get into the SUV and carefully back it out of its parking spot, heading straight for town. I'm more careful with my driving than I've ever been. I don't go one mile per hour above the speed limit, and I look both ways at the stop signs numerous times before I slowly ease into the road.
It takes me longer to get to town than it ever has before, but I want to be careful. There's precious cargo on board. The most precious, potentially.
When I pull onto Main, I debate on whether to go to the Grocer or the Pharmacy. One place will provide me with more privacy, the other will provide me with a faster service. As I park in between both stores, I glance around the SUV. There's a hat sitting in the passenger seat. Picking it up, I turn it over and over in my fingers. It's Trace's and it seems like kismet that it would be here today, right when I need it. Grabbing my hair up into a ponytail, I put the hat on and pull the hair through the back of it. When I get it sitting on my head, I shape the bill slightly and then reach over to get my purse before getting out and heading into the pharmacy.
It's not as busy as the Grocer is, and that's one of the reasons I decided to come here. There's only a few people standing at the pharmacy counter, and no one in the aisles. Glancing up at the aisle markers, I see contraception and pregnancy tests. I make a bee line for that aisle, and when I turn, I'm confronted by a row of tests. I didn't do any kind of research and I'm unsure of what the best one is to use.
There's no one there to answer any of my questions. Not that I'd actually ask anyone. I'm too afraid someone will see me and report back to another person who can run and tell my in-laws that I'm here. In the same breath they'll also tell them what I'm doing, and then I won't have anything to share with Trace. They'll ruin the surprise, and the biggest news of our lives.
Again my eyes run back and forth over the row of tests. I've never been good at being able to see lines, so instead, I reach out and pick up one that says pregnant or not pregnant. On impulse, I grab a few of them and head toward the checkout. There's a self-serve spot and I head toward it, getting everything scanned and paid for within three minutes. I hurry out to the SUV and head back home.
I again take care driving back, because I know what this test is going to say. I can feel it in every part of my bones. The drive back takes less time than the drive there. I barely pay attention to the scenery passing me by, I'm so focused on the cars around me.
When I get back to the ranch, I drive by the barn, and when I don't see Kyle and Trace's horses, I know I have enough time to head upstairs and find out the answer to the biggest question of my life. Luckily, I don't run into anyone, and take the steps two at a time. I'm out of breath when I get to the bedroom. With shaking hands I shut the door and lean against it, trying to calm my pounding heart.
Knowing that time is at a premium, I race to the bathroom, and lock the door after shutting it. With the same shaking hands, I pull the instructions out and skim over them. Opening the box, I inhale and exhale quickly, hoping it gets rid of the tension in my shoulders.
Closing my eyes as I do my business, set the test on the counter, and then set my timer for a few minutes.
My stomach is in knots as I wait for the answer. What should be the quickest three minutes of my life is turning into the slowest. I wish I could fast forward through this as if it's commercials in my favorite tv show. Unfortunately, that's now how life works, even though I wish it did.
In the back of my mind, I try to imagine how Trace will react if I am pregnant, if he'll be happy. We've talked about it, of course, but talking about it, and it actually happening are two very different things. When the timer goes off, telling me I can look at the results, I'm more nervous that I've ever been.
It's as if the rest of my life is held in the balance of what this test says, and I don't want to fail it. I want to pass with flying colors, be on stage and get to make the speech. Heading over to where I put the test on the counter, I close my eyes before looking down and opening them up.
The word pregnant.
It flashes like a neon sign on the strip in Vegas.
Tears fill my eyes, and I clamp my hand over my mouth to hold in the scream of joy and surprise. More than anything I wish Trace was here with me right now, and I do either the smartest or stupidest thing I've ever done.
I text Trace.
K: I'm in the bedroom at the house. I need you, if you have time. Not for what you think though, get your mind out of the gutter.
I put the phone down on the counter, and run a hand through my hair as I try to figure out where in the hell we go from here.