48. Trace
TRACE
"E ver have those days when you don't wanna work?" I ask Kyle as we move hay into one of the pastures with the new pregnant heifers. "That's me today."
"I have them at least twice a week, my friend. But trust me, when I say I know why you don't wanna work, and I support it. I'm glad you and Katie seem to have found your way back to one another."
A smile works it's way across my face. "I never thought I'd feel this way about another person, never thought I would feel as if I had a partner in life. Even with Ward, I'm beginning to realize, maybe we weren't meant to be the type of brothers who are there together for life. Maybe we were meant to be what each other needed at the time. I know that sounds fucked up, but even with Ward there was a piece of something missing from what I needed. I didn't know it at the time, because I didn't have the missing piece to the puzzle.
Turns out Katie was that missing piece. All I had to do was let her in and allow her to be what she is. Whatever that is, I've needed it, and it's healed me in ways I never imagined.
"I'm happy for you," Kyle grins. "I got to know her slightly when she stayed with me. Which I didn't mind, it was nice to have someone there at the end of the day, even if she never said anything, hardly. She's not much of a talker."
Maybe not with him, but she is with me, and that stupidly makes my heart jump slightly and my stomach get butterflies. "She can be persuaded."
"I'll tell what she is though, is a decent cook. She cooked for me almost every night."
Now jealousy rears it's ugly head. That's something she's never done for me, and I want that experience. I want every single experience with her. The fact that he has a piece of her I don't have, makes me see red in the worst of ways. I don't like this side of me, and I don't want it to affect our friendship, or my marriage. "She was probably very thankful for you," I admit through clenched teeth.
"You're such a piece of shit," he laughs. "You're so mad I can see the steam coming from your ears. You know it wasn't like that, right? She was thankful I gave her a place to stay because she ran from you. If I hadn't given her a place to stay who knows where she would've ended up. You should be thankful for me," he laughs, throwing a glove at my face.
"I'm extremely grateful for you, but that doesn't mean I'm still not jealous as fuck."
"You wouldn't be Trace Miller if you weren't."
He's right, I'm a product of my upbringing where no one does anything just because they want to. They do it because there's something in it for them. Not out of the goodness of their hearts. This was the one thing I learned from my parents. Not that people overall are good, not that we should help others who are less-fortunate than we are. Instead, I learned we use and then toss away. If someone doesn't have as much money as we do land, they can't be our friends. I realize in this moment, that I'm not like them. I'm not too old to choose the type of person I want to be. I can make changes, and decide what I want to do. It doesn't have to be influenced by the people who raised me. I can choose to be someone different.
We can always choose to be someone different.
"Maybe I want to be someone different."
"You can be, you can be anything you want to be. You're one of the best people I know, and the best friend I've ever had," Kyle's voice comes down slightly. "I believe in you, and I always will."
"I know," I exhale deeply.
My phone beeps in my pocket, and when I pull it out, I see a text from Katie.
K: I'm in the bedroom at the house. I need you, if you have time. Not for what you think though, get your mind out of the gutter.
"Hey," I look up at Kyle. "That's from Katie. She needs me for something. You got this for a bit?"
He raises an eyebrow. "Is this a booty-call?"
"She says it isn't, but I get the feeling it's important."
"Yeah," he waves me away. "Go, I got this."
I'm heading toward the house before the last word is out of his mouth. There's not a lot of things in this world I know for sure, but one of them is when Katie asks, I will always come running. I burst through the doors, and run for the stairs, taking them two at a time before heading up to our bedroom. When I get there, I barge in.
She's sitting on the bed, her legs criss crossed, holding something in her hands.
"What's going on? Are you okay?"
Katie looks as if she wants to say something to me, but words seem to fail her. She starts and stops a few times, before rolling her lips together, and sagging back against the pillows, holding something up.
"What is that?" I ask as I come closer. It looks like a thermometer. "Do you have a fever?"
She giggles loudly. "No, I don't have a fever, but there's a reason I was sick."
I approach cautiously, like what she's holding is the answer to all the questions in the world. When I get close enough, I see while it does resemble a thermometer, there's writing on the display screen. She hands it to me. When it lands in my hand, I look down, and read the display.
Pregnant is there like a flashing billboard.
I glance up at her, asking as best I can without words if this is true or not.
"Yeah," she grins, nodding her head. She pushes back tears from beneath her eyes.
I'm stunned, beyond stunned. "We're having a baby?" I whisper.
"According to that test, yes. I still have to get it confirmed at a doctor's office, but it looks like the night we hooked up at the bar, left us a little gift."
Like the universe knew what we needed before we did. Kismet, destiny, all that crazy stuff I've started believing in the past few weeks. "Holy fuck," I have a seat on the bed next to her.
"Almost exactly how I feel," she giggles.
I reach over, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her toward me.
"Are you happy?" She whispers, the question.
I close my eyes, wondering what Ward would've thought about this. He didn't want children, he lived for this land and the work. Although it was expected of him, he would've done everything he could to hold off on having them. Me? I've always wanted to fix the mistakes my parents made with me. I've always wanted to have the type of family I needed, and never got. "Extremely happy," I turn around to face her. "Not only that, I'm beyond happy to be doing this with you. Have you called for an appointment yet?"
"No," she shakes her head. "I wanted to tell you first, gauge your reaction. I was kind of scared you wouldn't be open to this."
"I'm as open to this as a draw-bridge letting a boat through."
She snorts loudly. "That was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth."
"Oh I have more where that came from. If you just give me the chance, I can woo you with my cheesy lines."
She giggles. "You don't need those to woo me, I think you already did that. You put a ring on it."
I put my hand on her lower abdomen, leaning in so that I can nose up the length of her neck and clamp my lips down on her ear. "And a baby right here."
She smiles softly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "And our baby right here. I don't have an OBGYN, so I'm going to ask Monica if that's okay with you. I know I'll have to tell someone, do you have a problem with that?"
The fact she's asking means a lot to me. More than I assumed it would. The respect I never saw between my own parents is there and in full effect. "No, whatever you need to do," I run a hand down her cheek. "I trust you."
"Those are the nicest words you've ever said to me," she smiles.
"Oh yeah, I got some more."
"You do?"
"I love you, and I love this baby. We're going to let it do all the things we were never allowed to. They won't have our last name lorded over them, and they will never think they're better than others."
She grabs my hand and entwines our fingers. This bond is all I've ever wanted, and I hope that right now, no one will ever try to break it.