49. Katie
KATIE
I 'm nervous as Trace and I sit in the waiting room at the doctor's office. Going to Monica had been scary, but she'd put my fears at ease, and promised to keep our secret. Surprisingly I trust her, but in all fairness there has to be someone I trust, if not I'll go crazy.
"Is your heart pounding?" He whispers over to me. "Because mine feels like it's about to come out of my chest."
"Yes, and I think I'm going to puke if I don't eat something soon, but I also feel like I'm going to puke if I eat too soon after waking up," I roll my eyes and purse my lips. So far it's been hard to figure out which way to juggle this unexpected turn of events.
But was it really unexpected? We'd known what would happen, had talked about it and had known what was expected of us. It's time to be honest, and stop lying to each other.
"I think I'm more nervous about the test being correct and having to tell our parents. You know they're going to try and take this baby to Lord over the both of us. They'll use it to make us bow to their will."
He grabs my hand in his, squeezing tightly. "They won't. With this breeding program, we can take control of the ranch."
"What do you mean?" He's hinted at there being a chance for us to turn what's happening to us around on our parents, but it hasn't been fully explained to me, and that also makes me nervous.
He reaches in and cups my face with his palm. The roughness of the skin is a welcome feeling. It lets me know how hard he works for the both of us. "First I need to make sure we're okay, that this baby is okay, and that we're going to be able to have the life we want."
"What kind of life is that?" I ask softly. In all the times I've wondered what the two of us could have, one thing I've never thought about is the life we could give another one. The thought of a baby was always abstract, and now that it's a bit more than that, we've got to come up with concrete plans.
"Whatever life we want, Katie. We don't have to stay on the ranch. We could do whatever we want."
I long to believe him, but I don't know if I can. It feels too good to be true, and if there's one thing I know, it's that most things are.
"Katie Miller."
Hearing my last name causes my chest to tighten, knowing he owns me now. The question is, do I want him to?
We're in the exam room waiting on the doctor together. I've done the blood test and the waiting is killing me.
"How long does this take?" He kicks his feet out in front of him, crossing his booted ankles.
"I don't know," I grin. "I've never had a pregnancy test before."
He's about to make a smart ass comment if the smirk on his face is any indication, when there's a knock on the door and the doctor walks in. "Katie? It's so nice to meet you. Monica is a friend of yours?"
"She is," I hold my hand out to her. "You came highly recommended."
"She's a good friend of mine. Now, I hear you're here for a pregnancy test."
"I am." I confirm as she asks all the pertinent questions about my menstrual cycle and my health history.
Once we're done, she looks at the paperwork in front of her. "We got your results, and it does appear you're pregnant. Judging by the time of your last period..." It's all a blur as she tells me how far along she thinks I am, and while I'm trying to choke back the tears, she's asking me to lay down on the bed. "I'll give you your first ultrasound today and send the two of you home with your first pictures. How does that sound? We'll get you set up with some more appointments and prenatal vitamins.”
"Sounds fantastic," I smile over at Trace, who looks like his entire world has been rocked with this news. "I hate to ask this, but I'm really nauseous in the mornings. Is there anything I can take?"
"The pregnancy pops the pharmacy sells are good, but I'll also give you a prescription for some anti-nausea medication."
"Perfect, thank you."
"Now if you'll lay back, we'll do the ultrasound and get you those pictures. Trace, you can come over here and stand or sit next to her if you want."
He's up the instant she gives him the invitation. He's standing next to me, my hand in his, gripping it tightly. I flinch slightly when she lifts my shirt and squirts liquid on my belly.
"Sorry, it's a little cold," she apologizes.
"No worries."
It's then that I hear the woosh, woosh, woosh, in the room. "Is that the heartbeat?" I question, emotion clogging my voice
"It is, and it sounds very good and healthy." The doctor points to the screen. "This is the sack, and this is where your baby is. Everything looks perfect for how far along you are. Just take it easy. You know your body better than anyone else. If something feels off, don't do it. If you have any questions, please call the office."
"Thank you so much," Trace helps me sit up after she wipes my stomach clean.
When we leave the office, we both have huge smiles on our faces, and we're carrying a couple of pictures of our baby, along with a bag of pills. There's something interesting about living in a rural area, where they'll fill some prescriptions in office.
He helps me up into the SUV, and then moves around to the driver's side. Once he gets in, we both exhale deeply and head toward the ranch.
To say I'm more nervous now, would be a gross understatement. Before we had a lot to lose, but now we have everything.
"I'm going to keep you safe," he promises. "No one will hurt you or us."
"I know," I squeeze his outstretched hand. "But I think now's the time you need to explain to me what you mean about the ranch being ours."
He looks like he wants to avoid the question. Knowledge is power and perhaps he's scared for me to have knowledge. While it is power, it's enough so that his parents might target me, but I can't save myself if I don't know what's coming toward us.
He clears his throat, and backs us out of the parking spot. He doesn't go far, just around the town square before parking again. "I don't want people to know we're just sitting in the parking lot of a doctor's office," he explains.
"Good point."
Although right now I kind of feel like I'm out in the open and vulnerable, but maybe that's just how I'm going to feel from now on. I wait impatiently for him to clue me in, but it's hard to wait.
"So when I was in the office doing some research about what bulls we should use for our breeding program next year, I came across some information that's going to change everything for us."
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
He pulls out his phone, and thumbs through is camera roll. "This is a lot of legal-ese I don't quite understand, but Kyle helped me. Basically what it says is Dad owns fifty percent of the ranch, Ward owned twenty-four, and I owned twenty-four. Whoever had the first grandchild, would get three percentages from Dad. When Ward passed on, his percentage transferred to me..."
It dawns on me what he's saying. "And when we have our child, you'll have fifty-one percent?"
"Exactly. At that point, I can get rid of the board, or choose to keep it. We can vote to not have things like arranged marriage anymore. We can turn it strictly into a cattle operation, instead of sitting on the land. We can make money instead of mortgaging the land to have it, and if it's ours, we can make mom and dad leave. We can live our lives the way we want to without them trying to meddle. Is it perfect? No. They'll fight us, I have no doubt about that."
"The question is, what are we going to do differently?" I ask softly.
"Everything," he answers just as softly. "Our kid won't grow up knowing we're building the ranch off his back. He won't think he has no other choice than to work this land. He'll know he can do whatever the fuck he wants and we'll love him anyway. I never had that," he swallows roughly. "My entire life I've never felt accepted, I've never felt like my life was mine. That's what he's going to get."
I smile at him. "You're so sure it's a boy."
"Miller's don't do anything other than make boys, Katie."
Grinning over at him, I give him a wink. "First time for everything, Trace. First time for everything."