26
Elvira
I WANTED TO DRINK myself drunk. I wish I could go on a bender right this moment.
It was possible. There was plenty of alcohol to knock out ten horses, but I couldn't exactly get drunk at my brother-in-law's rehearsal dinner, as fake as our marriage was.
I didn't hate myself that much. I might have tolerated his ex if she hadn't been seated next to Levi.
Willow had been apologetic when she explained that the weather ruined the seating arrangement.
The dinner was supposed to happen outside, but since it was raining, dinner had to be done in the ballroom and the seating arrangement had gone off the rails.
Leading to Levi, me, Jacqueline and Connie on the same row.
Next to each other. Lovely. To make matters worse, Willow had put Jacqueline between Connie and Levi, but Jacqueline chose to sit a chair away, leaving Connie to sit next to Levi, and I on the other side of Levi.
When he saw this, Levi had tried to look for Willow or Raine to change the seating, but I stopped him.
Willow was already stressed from having to change her plans after the weather ruined them for her.
It would have been fine if Jacqueline hadn't constantly started conversations between Levi and Connie.
She loved bringing up stories from their youth.
Did you know they went to the same school?
She would say. Whatever happened to that car you won?
Did you know Connie did pageants in college ?
Where she dated Levi? Her father is a record producer.
And Connie is an entertainment lawyer. You must meet a lot of celebrities . And on and on.
The point was to make sure I knew how amazing Connie was and what a great girlfriend she had been to Levi.
Definitely better than the pawnshop kid from the Bronx.
And Connie looked the part. She was who one would imagine a wealthy academic like Levi marrying.
Someone smart, articulate and from the same financial background as him.
Levi, for his part, gave one-word answers, which was comforting.
Somewhat. But when Connie mentioned an old friend of theirs, the topic devolved into old-school memories I had no part in.
Neither did Jackie, but she was happy to be silent as Levi and Connie went on without me.
At a certain point, I got tired of it all and excused myself.
I went to look for the powder room, ignoring the wedding band's fantastic version of one of my favorite songs.
"I am so sorry," Thalia said to me, wincing when we bumped into each other.
Her blue and black mermaid gown hugged her figure so well she made me feel a little inferior in my simple dark blue sheath dress.
"I didn't know she would bring Connie. Apparently they go to the same tennis club if you could believe it. "
"It's fine. They seem to be getting along." I glanced at Levi, who was laughing at something Connie was gesticulating. A pang hit deep in my chest, my vision going cloudy.
Thalia scowled. "I cannot believe him."
"Anyway, I was looking for the downstairs restroom."'
"It's down to the left, just outside the drawing room. I will go talk to Levi."
I shook my head. "You don't need to." But Thalia was already making a beeline for the table.
I disappeared to the restroom, no longer wanting to see them anymore.
It was then, when I was alone, that I fully let out my emotions.
They weren't tears. None came out. But I let out a frustrated cry.
It was painful. However, letting it out was cathartic.
I don't know what I was thinking, assuming that I could be with someone like Levi.
Someone from this world of Italian villas and English castles.
I didn't belong here. I barely fit in. I was a shoddy replacement for the real thing.
He's using you.
Billie's words came back and hit me like a bullet to the chest. What if this whole thing, our marriage, was to make Connie jealous? It's not as if he needed me to be his wife. He could have easily paid someone to do it for a fraction of the price. He certainly didn't need to sleep with me either.
He's using you.
What a fool you are, Elvira Edwards.
I patted my face to remove the sweat that had accumulated on my brow and straightened my back. I was going to go back there with my head held high. I wasn't going to be bothered by him or his perfect ex-girlfriend.
I opened the door to see him standing there, a fisted hand in the air about to knock, I presume.
"I was about to ask if you were in there." He said, smiling sheepishly. How dare he. "You don't look alright."
"Why? I am perfectly fine."
"No, you're not? Listen…”
A woman in her seventies came to stand behind Levi, bobbing her head, clearly wanting to use the restroom. Levi grabbed my arm, and we went back to the ballroom. The band was now playing an upbeat song, and people were in the empty space in the middle of the room dancing.
“Connie and I—"
A man spiraling away on the dance floor bumped into him, and he clashed into me, and I had to hold on to his arms so we didn't both fall. "Sorry!" he said in a too loud voice, his face flushed with alcohol.
"Connie and I—"
"Go way back, I understand." My voice more curt and less casual than I intended.
"You seem mad."
"I am fine, Levi. I told you."
Another person bumped into him, and this time he scowled. "You don't seem fine," he said when he turned to face me. "Can I at least explain myself?"
"Explain what? You and I are nothing but fuck buddies in a sham marriage. You don't need to treat me like your girlfriend. You're not my boyfriend."
He jerked back, frowning. "But what about the cottage?"
"What about it?"
"I thought you meant that—"
"That you and I mean something more? I just wanted a fuck, and you had been holding out on me. That's it. We both got what we wanted in the end, didn't we?"
He blanched, and I almost wanted to take my words back. But if I was going to protect myself and my heart, this was the way to go. It was about time I realized that before I fell in love.
"So all that you said was just to get in my pants?" His tone was icy.
The room felt cold. Less inviting and the band suddenly sounded too loud. "You act as though you've never tried anything to get a woman to sleep with you."
"No. I have never done anything of the sort."
He left me standing alone in that ballroom, and I thought he was going to rejoin Connie, but instead he passed them and went to the balcony.
I was too distraught with myself to stay there any longer.
I went back to the room. Accepting the eerie, haunted silence of the cavernous chambers. I didn't sleep. Didn't try to.
I lay on my back staring at the frescos illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from the windows I didn't bother to close.
The angels looked particularly heinous. Their faces contorted in anger.
Or was it the shadows and the dim moonlight?
I must have lain there for hours. And when sleep was about to catch up with me, Levi came in.
He had removed his jacket and didn't have it with him.
His bowtie hung untied around his neck. The light from the corridor framing him.
He closed the door and marched into the room only to pause when he saw me staring at him.
"Are you still awake?"
"Yes."
"Waiting for your fuck buddy to blow your brains out?" There was nothing playful in his tone.
"Levi…"
"That's what I am, right?"
"Are you drunk?"
"I wish I was," he muttered more to himself than to me.
He began removing his clothes in the dark. The rustling of cotton and mohair fabric being the only sounds in the quiet night. Then I heard the creak of the bed as he joined me. I jumped when his warm hand went onto my belly.
"What?" Levi said. "You don't want to fuck me as well?"
"Do you want to have sex with me? I thought—"
"Thought what? That I am not as sophisticated as you. This is the type of relationship you want, right?"
I slid up to my elbows to face him. It was hard to see in the moonlight, but he did not seem drunk.
He did not seem angry either. I nodded. Disappointment flashed across his face.
It was there and a millisecond later it was gone.
He drew me back down onto the pillow, following me and kissing me as I lay down.
He wasn't as soft as he usually is. There was little of the patience and restraint that I had gotten used to seeing in him.
The kiss was demanding and harsh. Meant to take and not give.
His body went over me in an instant. He was naked.
His hard cock thick and probing against my thigh as he removed my tiny nightdress.
He caressed me with much less finesse than before, but the ability to arouse was still there.
My skin inflamed wherever he touched. When he reached my center, I was on fire, wet and begging for his touch.
He thrust his fingers a little too harshly, but that only made me wet.
His ministrations felt more like testing than teasing.
And when he was satisfied that I was indeed ready, he flipped me over until I was on my hands and knees.
"I've wanted to taste this ass," he said, his hands sliding down between my butt crack.
I jerked forward when I felt his tongue lick me, following his finger as it went down to my pussy and he sucked my clit, driving me to the edge, but not carrying me over like he used to.
Just when I was close, he stopped, and a few moments later, he thrust inside my pussy.
In one deep stroke, he buried himself to the hilt, took hold of my ass cheeks and drove in and out of me.
His thrusts were brutal, and I was with him every way.
Relishing how he buried himself deep inside me, only to draw out until it was just the tip and thrusting again.
My knees buckled, and still he did not relent.
His pace was punishing. I held onto the sheets, my hands gripping them hard, not wanting to slip and fall.
His hands held me steady as fucked me hard.
His grip on my ass was so strong I was sure I would have bruises tomorrow.
And the thought made a dark part in me rejoice.
To be marked by him in a place where he will only see.
It was a crazy thought, but I was caught in his madness, and it felt like nothing we've ever done before.
I was getting close. Just as I was about to come, he withdrew completely, making me cry in anguish.
But he got up and out of the bed, then dragged me to the poster where he wrapped my hands around it and thrust inside me from the back.
My pussy rubbing against the rippled wooden pole.
"Fuck, Levi." My voice was breathless as I reached for his head.
"Is this what you want? To be fucked like a slut?"
"Levi…" Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.
"Is this what you want, Elvy?" Thrust. Then he paused.
"Yes," I said breathlessly.
He began again. His thrusts became more frantic.
My pussy gushing as the friction against the pole increased until I was washed in ecstasy.
I came all over his cock, and he came soon after.
Immediately he disentangled and disappeared into the bathroom.
I heard him remove the condom and then the sound of water running.
My limbs were too weary to do anything but crawl back onto bed.
Fuck. That was some of the best sex I had ever had.
Then why did it feel so shallow? Why did I feel empty?