Chapter 21
BETH
The morning came way too soon after another night spent trying to sleep through waves of nausea.
I pulled myself out of bed, trying to shake the grogginess.
The exhaustion was becoming part of my routine, a shadow hanging over everything, but it didn’t mean I had to let it win.
I moved around my room slowly, pulling on a fresh outfit, making sure to dress comfortably for work.
Lisa was already up and downstairs when I stepped out. She handed me a cup of tea without saying much. “How are you feeling this morning?” she asked after a moment, leaning on the counter while the tea brewed.
“I’ve been better.” I rubbed my temples, trying to shake the fog. “It’s getting harder to ignore how I’m feeling.”
“We’ll get you through today,” she said with a reassuring smile. “Just don’t push yourself too hard.”
I nodded, though we both knew I probably would.
The diner wasn’t a place where slowing down was easy.
Customers came in expecting their meals on time, and there was no space for me to take things at my own pace.
Not yet. Lisa kept watching me like she expected me to fall apart at any second, but I ignored her glances.
The day started quietly enough, just a few locals coming in for breakfast. I did my best to stay in motion, hoping the physical activity would help distract me from the fatigue.
But it wasn’t long before the dizziness started creeping in.
Every time I turned too quickly or stood up too fast, the room felt like it shifted.
I steadied myself on the counter more than once.
“You need to sit,” Lisa said, noticing as I gripped the edge to keep from toppling over.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, though I didn’t let go.
Before I could stop her, she came over to me and led me to the nearest stool. “Take a breath, Beth. You don’t need to be stubborn right now.”
I sighed in frustration and sat. The truth was, I didn’t want to be here.
Not just in the diner, but in this town, dealing with all this.
I hated how helpless I felt. I was used to being the one who could handle anything life threw at me, and now my body was betraying me in ways I couldn’t control.
I closed my eyes, focusing on the steady rhythm of my breathing, and tried to will the dizziness away.
The bell over the diner’s door jingled, pulling me out of my thoughts.
More customers filed in, and the quiet morning suddenly became busier.
Lisa moved to greet them, flashing me a look that told me not to argue when she caught me trying to get back on my feet.
I didn’t have the energy to fight her. So I stayed seated, watching from the corner as she handled the rush, taking orders and bringing plates to tables.
She did it all without missing a beat. I couldn’t help but feel guilty sitting there, letting her pick up my slack.
After a few minutes, the worst of the dizziness faded, and I stood, moving cautiously to help her with the new orders.
She gave me a look like she wasn’t fully convinced I was okay, but she didn’t push me again.
The work helped, at least temporarily, but by noon, I knew I wouldn’t make it through the rest of the day without crashing.
And then I saw him. It happened so fast that I thought I imagined it at first. A familiar face walking past the window, moving with purpose.
My breath caught, and I nearly dropped the tray I was holding.
It was Chris, unmistakably him, even if only for a second.
My chest tightened, a flood of emotions hitting me at once.
What was he doing here? What could he possibly want after all this time?
I set the tray down, trying to keep my hands from shaking. Lisa noticed my reaction and walked over. “What is it?”
My words caught in my throat. I couldn’t explain the mix of panic and anger rising in me. He wasn’t supposed to be here. I wasn’t ready to face him, especially not with the way I felt. I needed more time, more control. He had taken that away from me with that one glance through the window.
“Nothing.” It was a lie, and she knew it. She raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t say more. I forced myself to take a deep breath. If Chris was in town, he wasn’t going to find me sitting around waiting for him to show up. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a haze.
My thoughts were a tangled mess, circling back to him again and again.
What would he say? How was I supposed to deal with this now, on top of everything else?
Lisa didn’t press me, but I could feel her watching me, waiting for me to break.
The problem was, I already felt like I was cracking under the pressure, but I wasn’t going to give Chris that power. Not yet.
When the dinner shift ended, Lisa finally cornered me by the door. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” she said. “You need to talk to him. Whatever this is about, you have to face it.”
I didn’t know how to answer her. A part of me agreed, but another part of me wasn’t ready.
Not here, not in this state. I needed to figure out how to deal with the baby, how to deal with everything, before I could even think about Chris.
I felt like I was suffocating, trapped in a situation I had no control over.
“I’m not ready yet,” I whispered. It was all I could manage. “But I think I saw him earlier.” Hours later, hours after running the same image through my head over and over again, I could almost pretend it wasn’t him. But it was.
“Chris is here?” she asked. “Are you sure? He finally stopped sending you flowers and gifts. It’s been radio silence from him. But you think you saw him? Where?”
I nodded slowly. “I just saw him walk by.”
Lisa crossed her arms over her chest, her expression unreadable.
She was trying to give me space, but the weight of it all still hung between us.
I didn’t want her to have to deal with this either.
I didn’t want him in her town, in her diner.
It felt wrong. I had left to get away from him.
Seeing him now felt like I was right back where I’d started.
“I guess he’s not ready to give up yet,” I muttered, more to myself than to her.
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”
I shot her a sharp look, not wanting to hear that. “There’s nothing good about this, Lisa. Not for us. And especially not now.”
She opened her mouth to respond, but something caught my eye outside the window.
A car I didn’t recognize pulled into the lot, and for a second, my heart jumped, wondering if it was him again.
But the door to the diner stayed shut. I watched, frozen, half expecting him to walk in, to ruin what little sense of peace I had found here.
But nothing happened. After a minute, I shook my head. “It’s just some customer.”
“Listen to yourself.” Lisa sighed. “You’re driving yourself crazy over something you don’t even know is happening.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“You’re not the only one trying to protect something here.” Her voice softened, the anger I expected not coming. She wasn’t angry at me, she was worried. And I hated it. “Beth, you don’t have to carry all this on your own.”
“I’ve got you, don’t I?” I asked. It sounded like a weak joke, but I didn’t want her to see how much it meant. She was the only person keeping me together right now, even if I couldn’t bring myself to lean on her fully.
“Always,” she said, her tone firm. But there was still concern there.
We were in this together. “But right now you’re embarking on a life as a single mother, working with no actual income in your sister’s diner, without any prospects other than a baby daddy who has more money that any man should rightfully have.
You need to figure out what you want. I appreciate the help, but you need to talk to your husband at some point.
If he’s here, that just makes it easier. ”
The last thing I needed to hear, but the truth was in her words.
Chris showing up here felt like the universe was shoving all of this right in my face.
I hated feeling helpless, and that’s exactly what I was feeling right now.
The diner was quiet, but my mind wasn’t.
I felt like I was back where I had started, lost and confused and stuck.
“I don’t want to talk to him,” I finally admitted, the words heavy as they left my mouth.
I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what to say.
And the thought of standing in front of him, pregnant and broken, terrified me in ways I couldn’t begin to explain.
I needed space, but he wasn’t giving it to me. And now he was here.
“Then what’s your plan?”
I didn’t have one. That was the problem.
I was just going through the motions, hoping that somehow I could figure it out without facing him.
But standing here now, staring at the empty chairs in the diner, it felt like the floor was dropping out from under me.
Lisa had tried. I tried. But at the end of the day, none of it was enough without figuring out where Chris fit into the picture.
“Because the way I see it, you’re here hiding,” Lisa continued.
“I know you don’t want to think about it that way, but you’re avoiding reality.
You have to make decisions, Beth. I know that’s not something that’s going to be easy to do, and I know you’d rather push it aside for right now.
But this can’t go on the way it has been, not if you want a future for yourself and your child. ”
Her words hit harder than I thought they would.
I hadn’t admitted to myself that I was hiding, but she was right.
I was, and I had been for weeks now. But I didn’t know what else to do.
Every time I thought about facing this situation, the overwhelming nausea and exhaustion made it feel impossible. I didn’t feel like I had the strength.
“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed quietly. I had always been the one who figured things out. Even when I left Seattle, I thought I’d be able to build something on my own, but now everything was piling up, and I wasn’t sure how to move forward.
Lisa came around the counter, placing her hand on my shoulder.
“It’s okay that you don’t know. But you’ve got to stop running from the problem, or it’ll just keep chasing you down.
If Chris came all the way out here, it’s because he cares.
He might not know what you need from him right now, but I can guarantee you, he wants to make it right. ”
“I’m scared,” I said, admitting a truth I had been holding onto for too long. “I’m not scared of him. He’s always been gentle. I’m scared of losing this one little piece of control I have.”
“I don’t see you having control now. You’re pregnant and working in my diner.
I’m helping how I can, but this isn’t a situation where you’re in control, Beth.
” There was no judgment in her voice, just honesty.
She was telling me what I already knew, what I was too stubborn to admit.
And even though it hurt to hear, she was right.
This couldn’t keep going the way it was. Something had to change.
“I know,” I whispered. “I’ll talk to him. I just... I need more time.”
Lisa sighed. She knew I wasn’t really committing to that, but she also knew it was the best I could do for now.
“All right. But I’m serious, if this keeps going the way it has been, I’m going to go out and find your husband and march him back here so you two can finally talk this out, because you’re being too stubborn. ”
“I’d like to see you try,” I teased lightly, though there wasn’t much humor in it. I was too worn out for jokes. Instead, I gave her a weak smile. “But I’ll think about what to say.”
“That’s all I ask,” Lisa said with a tired grin. “Now let’s get you upstairs to rest. You can’t keep pushing yourself like this.”
I didn’t have the energy to argue anymore.
I followed her up the stairs, my body feeling like it was moving through mud.
As soon as my head hit the pillow, the exhaustion pulled me under, and I let it.
At least, in sleep, I didn’t have to think about him, about the future, or about what tomorrow might bring.