Chapter 27 #2
He grunted in response, swearing and laughing into the hollow of her neck. Holding on to a vault for so long had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Being with her made him feel unhinged, wild and euphoric, but he could temporarily lock those feelings away long enough to get an answer.
He gripped the backs of her knees, lifting her legs and pushing them forward to change his angle. Heat pulsed through him as she gasped with anticipation. He began thrusting slowly, leisurely, deeply in the exact way she liked when he wanted to take his time.
She cupped his jaw with both hands, struggling to hold his gaze. He loved the way her eyelids fluttered and how she arched her back to be even closer to him.
“Zinnia. Tell me,” he urged.
The words were right there. He saw them in her eyes, but she was biting her bottom lip to hold them in. She plunged her hands into his curls, massaging his scalp and trying to distract him again.
Jordan fought to keep his pace steady. Measured. This moment was about her. Not him. He loved her generosity and her focus. How present she was even while overwhelmed and panting. “Please tell me,” he begged, and then savored every second of her stifling her moans by kissing him.
“I want to marry you again.” She spoke quickly, halting and desperate. “I want you to be happy. I want us to stay like this.”
His temporary vault instantly split straight down the middle, cracking open right along with his chest because that was all the confirmation he needed. This was as far as she wanted their marriage to go.
“Is that okay? You have to say it,” she pleaded in between gasps.
There wasn’t a force in this world that could make him say anything other than, “Of course it is.” Not even his own conflicted heart. Not when she looked him in the eye like that, both hopeful and afraid. He loved when she truly let him in.
“And you’re safe with me. You’ll always be safe with me.”
Fuck. Everything he’d been holding back shot through him like a lightning strike. He bit down on her shoulder, rubbing her clit at the same time before he fully lost control.
He loved it when she came first.
Zinnia
Hours later, Jordan scooped her up into spooning position and covered them with the blanket. He made a trail of kisses from her temple to her shoulder and back again, quietly laughing to himself. The shape of his smile pressed into her skin.
“What does your tattoo mean? You’ve seen my cumulonimbus. You owe me,” she said. He’d actually done more than see it.
“Nothing.” He sighed. “I was twenty-one, drunk, and in Vegas. I saw it on a wall and now it’s on my arm.”
“Is that why you’re covered up all the time? To hide your shame?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
She loved the feel of his rumbling laugh against her back.
Choosing to be honest with herself and Jordan about wanting sex was like a curtain lifting.
She could tell him anything now—trusted him with knowing everything.
As soon as she got her thoughts together, he’d hear them first. She pulled his arm tighter around her and interlaced their fingers.
“I don’t want to do another show,” she admitted. “Do you?”
“I think it’s worth talking about, but I promised one season.” Her eyelids fluttered as his warm breath fanned against the back of her neck. “If we don’t decide to do more together, it’s an automatic no from me.”
She fervently kissed the back of his hand and tucked it under her cheek for safekeeping. “A simple yes or no would’ve been fine,” she teased. “Does curating our life for storylines ever bother you?”
“Not really. Why?” His teeth lightly grazed her ear, and he chuckled at the full-body shiver it elicited.
“It’s just…at the party, when you called me beautiful and said you—” She shook her head. “I got upset because I don’t like it when you say things like that about me on camera.”
His body briefly tensed around her. “Okay.”
“I know we have to perform, but that kind of lying is over the top. No one will believe you feel that way about me. It’s too unrealistic. We should stick to being more genuine.”
“No one or you? Because you’ve never asked how I feel.” For some reason, he started laughing.
“Because I already know.”
“Is that right?” He sounded skeptically amused. “Feelings can change.”
She scoffed. “Well, yes. We’re not lying here naked for nothing.”
Zinnia initially put limits on the Open Door clause for a reason. No romance and no emotions. Sex only. She came up with it in the first place to reduce the risk of losing her partner.
But Jordan didn’t play by those rules. Sex? Kissing? Those were peak romantic acts in his book. He was never going to use his Open Door with Bea because he wasn’t in love with her anymore, but there could always be someone else in the future.
And she didn’t start feeling profoundly horny out of nowhere. It wasn’t magic—they put in the fucking work. The bond they shared now was…Jesus, she still couldn’t even put it in words yet.
They started having sex because his heart was safe with her, and he knew her inside and out. That was all and it was enough.
“Wouldn’t it be terrible if I loved you that much?” He was just chuckling his heart out now.
“That’s not what I meant. My point was the lying. I don’t want us to go that route anymore.”
His continued muffled laughter finally made her twist around. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” He tried to stop smiling but couldn’t.
“Is it me?”
“Yeah.” He rubbed his nose against hers, kissed her softly, and made a breathy noise.
“Are you giggling?”
He ended up snorting and shoving his face into the pillow. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. You make me feel like I’m high.”
Zinnia thought she misheard him at first. She placed a hand between his shoulders and tried to coax him into looking at her by whispering his name.
Most people would’ve felt embarrassed, but not Jordan. His giddy, triumphant grin matched the elated look in his eyes. She made him feel like that, so happy he had no choice other than to let her see it.
This had to be the most erotic moment of her life. Him being unafraid to be so vulnerable really did it for her.
“Scale of one to ten: How high are you?”
“Ten.”
She reached down between them and began stroking him. They lay like that languidly kissing until he said, “Hold on.” He moved into a sitting position, back against the headboard, and guided her onto his lap. “I want you to do it.”
And just like that, it was her turn to giggle.