Chapter 17 Alex & Kaitlyn
ALEX & KAITLYN
Alex watched as the cab drove away from the front of the apartment.
He’d helped Kaitlyn with her bag, and the two had exchanged an awkward farewell.
He’d tried to kiss her, but she’d merely brushed his cheek with hers.
There’d been tears in her eyes as she’d climbed into the cab, though she’d faced resolutely forward as it had driven off. Alex was left feeling awful.
I didn’t even realize she felt like that. Why didn’t she say something?
He felt angry at having been caught by surprise.
She’d given him no indication. And yet, now that he thought about it, the signs had been there.
He’d seen the disappointment in her face when he’d told her he had to work, that he’d be home late and they’d not eat together, or that Saturday was a workday like any other.
The more he thought about it, the more he began to realize Kaitlyn was right, as much as he tried to justify his own position.
I have to work. I can’t shake off the responsibility. People depend on me for their jobs. I worked hard for this.
He was telling himself this as he walked toward the Macarson building.
What would other people say now? He’d been seen with Kaitlyn in public.
She’d been introduced as his fiancée. Alex could just imagine what Malwida Ree would write about him if she got the chance.
And then there were the investors. They liked stability, and, if they discovered the chaos now reigning in Alex’s personal life, perhaps they’d think the same was the case in his professional life.
But Alex had to admit he’d been having doubts, though not about his feelings for Kaitlyn.
He loved her. Of that, he was certain. But there’d been the question of her being thrown in at the deep end. He’d felt guilty about that.
Then why didn’t I do something about it?
Things could have been different. Very different. If only he had given Kaitlyn the time she deserved. Looking up at the Macarson building, his name emblazoned over the revolving doors leading into the lobby, Alex felt bitter.
“The meeting is all arranged. There are representatives from the Jamaican government, local investors — one in particular looks promising — and I’ve brought in a few private finance corporations, too.
I know we don’t want to go down the path of a loan, but it’s better than losing the deal,” Hilary said as she briefed Alex on the morning schedule.
Alex wasn’t really listening. He knew how important the deal was. He’d lived and breathed it for the past months. But after what had happened between him and Kaitlyn that morning, it somehow no longer seemed important.
“Whatever you think,” he replied.
Hilary paused and looked at him curiously. “Is everything all right? You don’t seem yourself this morning.”
Alex sighed. He hated to appear weak. Weakness was a sign of failure.
That’s what they’d taught him at Harvard.
With Kaitlyn, he’d felt strong. Confident.
She’d always made him feel confident. He remembered a time back in high school, when he’d faltered trying to answer a question at a mathlete final.
It had been Kaitlyn’s smile that had given him the confidence to work through his fear.
He’d answered the question correctly, and they’d won.
“Kaitlyn left this morning,” he admitted.
Hilary was different. He didn’t mind appearing weak in front of Hilary. She’d seen him at his best and at his worst. The low points and the high. She looked at him sympathetically. “I’m sorry to hear that. Did she say why?”
Alex sighed. “Because of all this, that’s why,” he replied, looking around him at the office and wondering if any of it was really worth it.
The flight passed uneventfully. Kaitlyn ate a bag of peanuts and drank a cola.
It was hardly champagne and canapés on a private jet.
There was no VIP exit, just a queue at baggage collection and a cab home.
She arrived back in Cedarhurst in the late afternoon.
It had only been a matter of weeks since she’d left, and yet so much had changed.
Her mom’s house felt empty again. There was that same silence as before.
That sense of loss and emptiness. Kaitlyn felt herself grieving again.
She shed some tears, not knowing what she was going to do or what was going to come next. It was all so… confusing.
It didn’t take long for the text from Rachel to arrive.
The lights are on at your mom’s house.
It was easier to get it over and done with.
Come round, if you can. I’ll explain it.
The reply elicited an almost immediate response, and a knock at the door brought Rachel armed with tissues, a bottle of wine, and a large box of chocolates.
“I was waiting for this to happen,” she said, embracing Kaitlyn in an enfolding hug before Kaitlyn could even explain what had happened.
“It’s not quite like that,” Kaitlyn replied, but she was grateful to Rachel for being there. Sometimes, friends were the best medicine.
“Well, I can understand why you left New York,” Rachel said after Kaitlyn had explained the circumstances surrounding her return to Cedarhurst.
“I felt it would always be the same. I wanted to believe he’d changed, but it was exactly like before.”
It pained her to admit it, but it was the truth. History was repeating itself, and to have put up with it indefinitely would have been to go through the same sorry cycle again.
“So, is the wedding off?” Rachel asked.
It sounded so final when put like that, an ultimatum that couldn’t be retracted.
Kaitlyn sighed. “I suppose it is. For now, at least,” she replied.
They talked some more. Rachel told Kaitlyn about the honeymoon and how she was suffering from terrible morning sickness.
“The sooner this baby is born, the better. But we’re happy. That’s what matters, isn’t it?” she said.
Kaitlyn had envied Rachel. She’d thought it was her own turn at last, a chance to have what she’d always wanted.
What happened next had been left open. It was neither definite nor dismissed.
She and Alex had parted awkwardly. He hadn’t exactly apologized, but she’d seen the regret in his eyes.
Later that evening, he sent her a message, asking if she’d arrived home safely.
Kaitlyn replied in only perfunctory terms. She wasn’t about to get into being manipulated, if that was what he was trying to do. In truth, at times, Kaitlyn found Alex difficult to read. He could be attentive, thoughtful, kind, and loving, but when work called…
It felt strange falling asleep on her own that night.
Kaitlyn tossed and turned, unable to settle.
Her dreams were filled with New York skyscrapers, chauffeur-driven cars, department stores, and fancy restaurants.
But all she really wanted was Alex. What he had didn’t matter to her.
It was who he was that she’d fallen in love with.
At six o’clock, she awoke with a start. Her stomach was churning, and, hurrying to the toilet, she was violently sick.
Back in bed, she lay restless for a while, imagining it was the stress of it all that had made her ill.
But a small though persistent voice in the back of her mind said otherwise.
Morning sickness… just like Rachel.
At first, Kaitlyn dismissed the idea out of hand.
She couldn’t be pregnant. And yet there was no reason why not.
Actually, she could be pregnant. Feeling angry with herself and still with her stomach churning, she got up and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt.
Only one way to make sure. She walked down to the all-night pharmacy on Darcy Street, where she bought a pregnancy test. It sat on the windowsill in the bathroom for the next three days. Unopened.
You won’t know unless you do it.
It was all very well to say that, but Kaitlyn was nervous. If she was pregnant, what would she do? What would they do? She could imagine Alex’s reaction. He’d be horrified at the prospect. Or would he?
Just do it.
Eventually, she gave in, sitting on the lid of the toilet and watching for the color change.
It did. The lines were both blue. It was positive.
For a moment, Kaitlyn stared at it, willing something to happen, something to change.
But the test was positive. Kaitlyn was pregnant, and the baby was Alex’s.