Chapter Eighteen
Donovan
“R ylan’s line is really on fire tonight,” Eric says from his seat beside me.
“He and Stevens are always really in sync—oh shit! What the hell. Why did he hit Rylan so hard?” Hayes flips off the ice. Anthony grins and lowers Hayes’s arm.
“It’s part of the game.” Anthony snickers.
“You try and watch your boyfriend get beat up every night,” he counters.
“Um, nope. Never having one of those again, but I got your back.” Anthony raises both arms in the air and gives the other team two fingers, making us both laugh. “But at least you get to kiss him better when he’s home.”
Hayes gets hearts in his eyes, and for some reason, it makes my chest feel tight.
I hate that I’ve let Malcolm make me lose my faith in love.
Not that I don’t believe Hayes and Rylan are perfect for each other and in for the long haul—I absolutely do—but I just can’t imagine ever trying that again.
It hurt too much the first time, and I’m still not over the terrible things said online about us, by people who didn’t know us, and had never met us.
But since when does anyone give a shit about that?
Eric leans in. “Hey, what’s wrong?” It’s impossible to get anything by him.
“Nothing. I’m fine. Just thinking about Malcolm.”
It’s not often I’ve seen Eric mad, but Malcolm gets him pissed. His jaw immediately hardens, eyes narrowing. “Did something happen? I’ll—”
“Simmer down, tough guy. I love how protective you are, but everything is fine. Nothing happened.”
“It better not.” He puffs out his chest in this adorable way that probably shouldn’t be adorable because I’m a grown-ass person who doesn’t need someone to defend me. That doesn’t mean it can’t feel good when someone cares that much.
“Oh God. Rylan’s about to crash into that guy. Get him, baby!” Hayes shouts, and I can’t help smiling as I watch Rylan ram into a player from the other team. The guy still manages to get the puck to his teammate, who takes a shot on goal, but Mads’s padded hand shoots out and stops it.
We all throw our arms in the air and cheer, before Ant says, “Damn, why was that kinda hot?”
“Because it’s Kason Maddox?” I ask playfully.
“Hey, I’m hotter than him,” Eric grumbles.
Yes, yes he is, but I play it off a little sarcastically.
“Of course you are, babe.” Then I lean in and kiss him—and freeze.
Because my lips didn’t land on his cheek like they did pre-sex and marriage.
Nope. I automatically kissed him on the mouth for the first time in public, when Eric is still figuring himself out. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
His nose scrunches up. “Didn’t mean what?”
“To kiss you.” When he still looks confused, I add, “In public.” Nothing in response. “When you’re not out as bi?” And, well, that was a very couple-y kiss, and we’re not a real couple. I’ll be smart to remember that.
“Oh, I don’t give a fuck about that. See?” He presses his lips to mine.
“You two are so cute,” Hayes says.
“They’re something all right,” Anthony adds, and I have a feeling he’s coming to conclusions he shouldn’t. They both are.
“We’re us ,” I confirm.
“And we’re cute!” Eric beams, which isn’t going to do anything to quell their assumptions. “Oh, it’s the first intermission. I’m hungry. What do you want to eat?”
“You stay. I’ll go.” I don’t want him to have to walk around on his boot any more than he has to.
He nods. “Nachos?” we say at the same time.
“Bet.” Eric grins.
“I’m too nervous to eat,” Hayes says. Poor guy. It must be hard seeing his boyfriend out there.
“I’ll go with you,” Anthony says to me.
We make our way out of the aisle. Rylan got us great seats with a perfect view. Hayes’s and Rylan’s parents have season tickets now, but Rylan’s parents stayed home tonight, so they got extras for us.
“So…how are things going with you and Eric?” Anthony asks.
“We’re having sex,” jumps out of my mouth. Smooth move, D.
“Nice. He’s sexy and sweet.”
“What do you mean nice? It’s going to be a disaster. I know it! And he is, isn’t he?”
Anthony frowns. “I don’t like this. You’ve been the most optimistic of the three of us from the start. What’s going on?”
I sigh. He’s right. “Malcolm ruined me for believing in romance for myself, and Eric is… If something goes wrong, I risk losing him.”
Anthony pulls me aside, the two of us leaning against the wall. “I’ve known the two of you less than a year, and I can tell you there’s zero chance of you ever losing that man. He’s fucking crazy about you, Dono. I’m pretty sure he believes you’re the reason the sun comes up in LA every day.”
“The sun doesn’t come up every day…” I say ridiculously. The thing is, I know how lucky I am, and I know how much Eric loves me, but that doesn’t mean this can’t go terribly wrong. I don’t have it in me to stop, though.
“I still think you have some questions you should be asking yourself about you and Eric, but don’t count yourself out from any possibilities before they happen, okay?”
I nod, unsure what to say or feel. I can’t let myself consider if there could ever be more than friendship between us…or if I would want that.
We hurry to concessions and get the food. The second period has already started by the time we get back.
“Sorry it took so long. Was the line out of control?” Eric asks.
“It’s okay. I didn’t miss much,” I assure him.
We watch as Rylan’s line makes another trip onto the ice. I don’t think he’s playing as much as he would if it was the regular season. They likely don’t want to risk their stars getting injured, but from what I know about hockey—which admittedly isn’t much—he seems to be doing well.
Hayes is about as obsessed with hockey now as he is with Rylan, at least when his boyfriend is playing, and it’s fun to see him jump and cheer and enjoy himself.
This summer, he shared with us what it was like when he proposed to Malcolm at one of last year’s preseason games, how even beforehand Malcolm made him feel stupid if he cheered or said something wrong.
I imagine he had to have some complicated feelings getting with a hockey player and then being here again, but Rylan’s shown our friend how much he deserves to be loved.
“Thank you for never making me feel stupid,” I tell Eric.
“Why would I ever do that? And how could I ever do that? You’re the smartest person I know.”
Sweet as it is, he’s a bit misguided. “I’m not that smart. Just normal. And I don’t mean bookish stuff, just…everything.”
“I could never make you feel dumb because I don’t think anything you do is dumb. I think it’s awesome.” He gives me a wide, happy Eric grin that warms my insides and almost makes my cock twitch. Now that we’re hooking up, it’s hard not to get turned on by him all the time.
“I think you’re awesome,” I reply.
“That’s because I am.”
“Oh my God! Did you see that?” Hayes’s arm wraps around me, pulling me close and nearly choking me. “Rylan just got an assist on Volkov’s goal!”
“Can’t…breathe,” I tease.
“Yikes. Sorry. My boyfriend is hot, though,” he says, as if any of us would disagree.
I think maybe I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Right now, everything in my life feels strangely perfect.
While we finish watching the game, I avoid eating any of the nachos when Eric offers them to me.
I don’t want to take risks in case we end up messing around tonight.
The Rebels win three to one. Rylan immediately skates over to the boards, pointing at Hayes.
We have passes around our necks, and security lets us by so we can head over to meet him.
“Hey, cutie. Did you see that assist? I did it for you,” he tells Hayes.
“I’m going to choose to believe that,” Hayes replies.
“I thought you told me you were scoring for Hayes tonight. Not getting an assist.” Mads joins us.
“I said with Hayes. I’m scoring tonight with him,” Rylan counters, inspiring a round of laughter from all of us.
“Good game,” Eric tells them.
“How’s the ankle?” Mads asks. He’s really one of the kindest, most chill guys I’ve ever met, but then Rylan is too.
“Getting better. No more crutches, thank fuck.”
“You’ll be doing yoga with us in no time.” The goalie grins while Rylan shakes his head and mouths, “Don’t do it, man.”
“I’m not flexible at all. You might need Anthony for that shit,” Eric says.
“Wait. How do you know Anthony is flexible?” falls out of my mouth.
“Because he’s a dancer?” Eric answers. “Don’t worry, husband. I only have eyes for you.” He wraps his arm around me, and I freeze.
Mads and Rylan look at each other, probably wondering if they missed a step. Anthony and Hayes snicker.
“Not in a romantic way! We’re married, but not for the reasons you think. He only calls me husband to be funny. You know, ha-ha. That silly Eric.” Why can’t I stop talking?
“You guys are married?” Rylan’s brow furrows, his eyes darting toward our hands.
“No rings. I’m bummed about that.” Eric frowns.
“I’ll explain later,” Hayes tells Rylan.
“Wait. Can we get back to how incredibly flexible I am?” Anthony winks at me, and as his question leads to sex jokes, effectively changing the subject, I let out a relieved breath. He did that for me, and I can’t thank him enough.
“Come on, man. We need to head to the locker room.” Mads drags Rylan away.
“I’ll see you at home, baby!” he calls out as if it kills him to be away from Hayes for one second.
“I thought they knew we’re married?” Eric asks.
“Anthony and Hayes do.”
“Well, and now Rylan and Mads do as well,” Hayes says. “I can’t promise my boyfriend won’t talk about it all the time. Hope it’s not supposed to stay a secret,” he teases, but then, knowing Rylan, I think he’s serious.
Eric’s brows draw together. “Does it have to stay a secret with our friends? I thought we said—”
“What? No. It’s just…we’ll talk about it later.” I feel like the more people know, and the more it’s talked about, the bigger the possibility that my brain will confuse what this really is.
Maybe Anthony is right. I have some questions to ask myself. Maybe I should figure out why I’ve worked so hard to build these walls between me and Eric.