29. Chapter 29 - Rosalyn
Mama would kill me if she knew I slept in the same bed as a man. She would beat me until I was unconscious.
According to her, all men are evil.
With a shiver, I stare into the mirror at my ratted hair and the pillow crease in my cheek.
She was evil. Eli and John are too.
Cade isn’t. He’s the only one who’s nice to me. There’s no sign of him being the monster that my brothers swore he was.
My palm still tingles with the memory of touching him. I liked it. The thought of him being so close makes my belly feel hot and my pulse race. It reminds me of when I’m riding my horse in a canter and the saddle rubs me just right…
Mama said that’s wrong too. But now I wonder if she was lying again?
Of course she was. Every trace of happiness was punishable by the whip.
For once in my life, I want to give in to feeling good.
Can Cade do that for me? How does that even work?
Fuck. I’m too naive on that stuff. Mom never told me. All Ava did was giggle and turn red when I asked because I was so young.
There has to be something more to it than what the cows do.
I studied hard, I could give a dissertation about the solar system or geology. Ancient history and Algebra.
But I was so limited on the books I had access to. Once I got older I didn’t even try.
Smoothing down my wild locks, I look again at my own reflection. My eye is still puffy and tender, my nose is too upturned and my forehead is too big.
Who am I kidding? Cade is sympathetic, nothing more.
He pities me. I saw the revulsion before he ran off to vomit.
Maybe if we can at least be friends, that will be a start? I don’t have any.
Yes, that’s an excellent plan.
Friends.
After I’ve dawdled long enough, I limp into the small living room to the counter where the coffee pot is already full.
“That smells amazing.” Guilt stabs into me.
He’s cooking again for me and I’ve done nothing to help.
“How’re you feeling?” His caramel gaze watches me closely with a frown. “You’re still favoring that knee.”
“I’ll live.” I flash him a smile as I top off his cup. “Gonna talk to your family today?” I’d rather talk about anything other than me.
With a groan that makes my belly tingle, he turns back to his pan. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m excited for you getting the chance to rebuild that. I’m just going on what I’ve heard and thinking the opposite,” I laugh as I sit gingerly on the couch. “So they must be pretty great.”
“Yea, they are.” He stares at the spatula. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready to open that can of worms.”
“How will I live vicariously through you?” I blink as I purse my lips and blow across the steaming mug.
He squints, shaking his head. “I’m the last person who you should want to emulate.”
“I don’t want to be you. I want to see you with a silly Santa hat on while you spend time with the people you love.
” I blink rapidly against the sting of tears.
“I want to see what it’s like for a normal family to have fun traditions.
” My shoulder rises and falls in a shrug while I try to curl into a ball against the cushions.
“Maybe—” He hands me a plate, then sits next to me and leans forward to prop open his laptop.
“—we make some new ones? Have you seen The Christmas Story? I used to watch this on repeat when I was a kid.” He hits a few buttons and pulls it up on the screen.
“I’m gonna go down after breakfast and check on the horses, then I have a surprise. ”
This side of his face is whole, unblemished, and pulled up in a mischievous smirk.
It doesn’t take me long to get sucked into the antics of the children on the show.
But every time Cade leans back and rests his wrist on my ankle, that’s all I can focus on. Is it the way his thumb drifts over the bone? Or just the heat of his palm warming my skin?
Whatever it is, I like that he’s doing it.
“Alright,” he grunts and unfolds himself from the cushions. “I’ll be back in a few.” After dropping our plates in the sink, he pulls his broad brimmed hat and coat from the rack, then toes into his boots.
I try to watch the movie, I really do.
But the gnawing guilt of the dirty dishes turns into my brother’s voice yelling in my mind.
When Cade comes in, he catches me elbow deep in soapy water while the show plays on the coffee table.
“Rosalyn,” he growls, stomping the snow from his feet. “You don’t need to be doing that. You should be resting.”
“I can’t help it.” I don’t stop, getting a fork up out of the depths. “This is my purpose.”
Another disapproving rumble comes out of his chest. “No, ma’am. Not today. New tradition, no damn chores on a holiday.” Tiny flakes of hay drift down from his Carhartt when he hangs it on the hook.
It’s all I can see, the little green bits sprinkling the floor by the door.
He follows my worried stare and his jaw tics. “Ros,” he says softly. “Will you relax once it’s clean?”
Fighting the urge to chew on my lip, I nod.
His fingers twitch near his thigh, then he pulls the broom from the corner and sweeps up the stray leaves.
When he’s done, he moves close enough that I can feel the heat of his body near my arm.
“You will not get in trouble here.” His warm breath pours over my shoulder.
“We’re equals, Ros. But today, let me take care of you.
” He holds out his palm, twitching his fingers until I dry mine quickly and take his hand.
“Good girl.” He smiles, leading me back to the couch. “Now sit.” There’s a lace of command in his voice that compels me to obey.
I almost kind of like it when he just tells me. I don’t have to guess and worry about what I’m supposed to be doing.
Going from never having a choice to too many is overwhelming. At the ranch, I knew exactly what I needed to do and when.
After he lays the blanket over my lap, he pauses the movie. “See that pile of presents under their tree?” His finger gestures to the grainy image frozen on the screen. “We’re gonna make one of those.”
Confusion knits my brows. “I don’t understand. We’re going to wrap them up for your family?”
“Nope.” He picks up the computer and pulls it onto his thighs as he settles next to me. “We’re gonna go shopping.”
With a few flicks, he opens up an online store, then turns it to show me. “I want you to get what you need, Ros,” he says hoarsely. “We’re going to get you all decked out.”
Panic crawls out of my chest and grips me by the back of the throat.
This is what John does. He buys me things and then uses them to control me.
“I don’t need anything.” I fidget with the flannel hem. “I don’t have any money.”
“Ros, these are gifts. You don’t have to pay me back for them.
” His forehead wrinkles to match mine. Then he squints.
“Do you think you owe me? Hell, next week we’ll get you a new ID and if you want to leave and never see me again, it’s still all gonna be your stuff, okay?
That’s how gifts work. No strings attached. ”
Leave? That thought instills even more fear.
“I don’t have anywhere to go.” My voice squeaks out while the edge of the blanket starts to ball in my fist. “I can’t go back home. I can’t drive. I don’t know what to do.” With every word my pitch climbs.
He reaches down and squeezes my frantic fingers, calming them. “We’ll make a plan, okay? Tell me more of your favorite things. What would you want to do if you could do anything?”
All I can do is stare at his rough knuckles.
I know I’m supposed to say something with horses but the fun left that for me years ago.
One of the few memories I have that’s happy pops into my head. “I’d love to work in an ice cream shop. Nobody is sad when they’re in one.”
The whites of his teeth show with a grin. “That sounds like a wonderful plan. I used to know a lady that worked at Frozen Bones. Maria was her name.”
That stirs a flash of excitement from me. “I remember her too! Her daughter Elena let me color in her book when I was there.” It really is a warm fuzzy place.
His smile falters. “That’s right. Elena was her kid.” He blinks and refocuses on the screen while shaking his head. “Crazy how small the world is.”
Shit. It really is.
“Maybe I wouldn’t want to work there. One of my brothers might see me.” I need to make a new plan.
“Hmm,” he grumbles. “There’s a spot not far from my place in Texas that has gelato. It’s pretty good.” His lips purse as his fingers fly on the keyboard.
Is that his way of asking if I want to go south?
“So you’d really take me with you?” I pick at the nail of my thumb so I don’t have to meet his eyes.
“If you want to go? You always have a choice.” He doesn’t look at me until he points at the screen to show me an array of red hued shirts. “Any of these strike your fancy?”
They’re all much more lavish than anything I’ve had. The only nice clothes I’ve ever owned were the show uniforms when I was riding.
And my brother made sure that I knew I owed him for them.
Cade studies my face, his gaze flicking to the screen as I look.
“I’m gonna add this one.” He clicks the link of a soft pink cardigan.
It’s one of the most expensive ones.
“Cade, I can’t—” My chin trembles.
“No, but I can,” he grunts, cutting me off. “Although, I might need you to pick. I have shit taste in fashion.” He gives me one of his crooked grins that makes gold flecks sparkle in his irises.
“Go ahead, pick something out.” He slumps into the couch, his shoulder pressing against mine.
Each one looks like something I’d never be allowed to own. “I don’t know…”
“Let’s start easy. Three shirts? Do you want any tees? Maybe a few more sweaters since it’s cold?” Then he frowns. “You’ll need something for warmer weather too if we head down to Texas soon.”
That makes my tummy lurch. “Why soon?”
His brows raise as he tilts his head to look at me. “So you can heal and grow, Ros. You won’t have to watch your back, you’ll be able to make your own choices.”
“That sounds terrifying,” I mumble, avoiding his stare. “I don’t know how to do that.”
We both startle when his phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket and groans when he looks at the screen.
“I know someone down there who I think will be a huge help for you. She’s a great person to talk to.” He pushes up to stand, leaving my side cool without the heat of his body.
Who is the woman? Are they close?
Friends?
More?
Who am I to feel jealous? I don’t have any right to be. I’m literally broke and homeless, completely at his mercy.
And damaged in more ways than one beyond repair.