44. Chapter 44 - Cade
I’m starting to learn the signs of when she slips. It’s usually that lip that’s the first tell. Then it’s picking at her thumbnail until the skin along it bleeds.
I try to catch it before then, soothe her worries and pull her close.
But today I don’t notice until she disappears to go to the bathroom and never returns.
Her pizza cools on her plate where she left it.
Fuck. My stomach twists with worry as I push away from the table.
“Ros?” Heading towards our bedroom, I pause before the closed door, my palm resting on the handle.
I still haven’t figured out when she just needs a moment to regroup or when she needs me to offer her comfort.
Only one way to find out, I guess.
“Rosalyn?” It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust. The lights are off, but the afternoon sun filters through the curtains to show her huddled on the bed, a pillow wrapped tightly against her chest.
All she replies with is a whimper.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” I lean on the doorframe, unsure if I should go in or not.
“Um.” There’s a moment where she readjusts her feet, rubbing her toes together until she lets out a small sigh. “No.”
I’ll take that cue to crawl slowly over the blanket until I’m on my side a few inches away. Part of me doesn’t want to crowd her. The other half wants to pull her to my chest and squeeze her until she feels better.
“Want to talk?” I ask the back of her head.
“No.” That answer comes out weak but quickly.
“Mind if I do?” I roll flat and thread my fingers behind my head.
There’s another pause. Then her arm reaches from the ball of her body to rest on my stomach.
“I’d like that.” She has a little strength in her voice this time.
I’ll take that as encouragement.
“When I was a kid, I used to get these terrible nightmares. All kinds of crazy shit. Sometimes it was from a movie. Sometimes it was just crap from school or even stuff in my own head.” My belly raises and lowers her fingers with a big inhale.
“I think I was around six or so when it really started to become a problem. I was so tired I’d fall asleep in class and the other kids would make fun of me.
” I glare at the ceiling as if it’s the sheetrock’s fault.
“That made me get into fights. One day, my dad got sick of it.” I let out a chuckle and drop my hand to cover hers.
“He gave me a stone that he told me was a magical monster rock. It was just a polished chunk of jade but that green was like nothing I had ever seen.”
God damn, I miss my dad.
“Did it work?” She shifts to face me, moving our fingers up to my chest.
“Yea, surprisingly,” I snort. “He said when I got scared I was supposed to rub that thing and tell it to go away. I got so focused on playing with the darn thing, I’d forget about the bad things for a little while. After a bit, it just became a habit, keeping it with me.”
“Do you still have it?” She stretches, propping her knee over my thigh and setting her head on my shoulder.
I wrap her close, stroking her side. “Right about now it’s sitting on their headstone,” I say hoarsely. “I asked Wade to put it there for me. I’ve learned that the real monsters aren’t in my mind.”
Her nails curl into my shirt. “Sometimes I think they’re in mine.”
“That reminds me.” I reach down into my pocket. “I had this made for you.” The thin silver chain catches the light from the hall as I let it dangle from my fingers.
“Is that—” She reaches out to the swinging bottom of the bracelet. “—the sea glass?” She tilts the rose colored piece wrapped in wire.
I’m not sure if she hiccups or sobs.
“I thought when you wore it you could picture that first time we kissed.” My throat sure feels like it has sand in it. “This way you can see it easily as a reminder that I’m always there with you.”
She makes another croaky gasp and threads it over her wrist.
“I get…overwhelmed. When there’s too many choices I get lost in them. They’re my monsters, eating at my brain until I can’t make any.” Her nose rubs my chest as she buries in. “Is it okay if I just give them to you? I trust you.”
My heart aches with a rush of emotion. “Ros, I’ll help you any way you want me to. Is this about me maybe going back to Montana?”
I can feel her nod against me, then she takes a shuddering breath.
“It’s all kinds of things,” she stammers. Her fingers work up to trace my Adam’s apple. “I want you…us…to be closer but I keep holding back. Not because I don’t want to—” She rushes out the last part. “—but because I don’t know what to do, so I worry I’m going to mess up.”
Is that why there’s been a moment every time I start to touch her she locks down? Is it indecision and not fear?
She pushes up onto her elbow to look down at me. “Sometimes I like it when you get that growly voice and just tell me. It makes all the confusion disappear.” Her nail works through the whiskers on my jaw, sending a river of fire through my body. “Can it be enough that I choose you?”
She’s trusting me to be her shield. To filter out the noise for her and help her focus.
The weight of that realization shifts something deep inside.
I’ve wanted to show her she can grow but she’s begging for direction.
My fingers thread through her hair to meet her gaze. “You’ll always have a choice, remember that.”
Her lip rolls between her teeth as she nods but I catch the tiny drop in the corner.
Time to step up.
“Kiss me, Ros,” I growl. If she wants me to guide her, I’ll do so gladly.
The smile she rewards me with is an explosion of light before she presses her mouth to mine. Her light touch tickles with her hesitancy.
No more. I want to taste her. Finally lay claim to everything she wants to give.
Gripping the back of her neck, I pull her tight, crushing her to me. My tongue has lived firmly behind my teeth for weeks but no longer.
Her sharp inhale quickly turns to a moan when I push between her lips, invading what I’ve coveted and savoring where I’ve only dreamed.
We’ve played on tenderness for weeks, gentle strokes and clear lines.
Tonight those disappear.
Tangling my hand in the fabric of her shirt, I tug on it and lift it up her torso. “Take it off,” I grunt. “All of it.”
This time there isn’t the flare of panic in the obsidian pools of her pupils while she obediently raises her arms. Just the soft glow of bliss colors her cheeks as her skin begins to bare.
With a flick of my wrist, her bra falls loose.
I catch a glimpse of her doubt as she releases her full breasts with their beaded pink nipples into the air.
They’re one of the few unblemished areas on her luscious body, yet like everything, she’s been hesitant to let me explore.
“Lie on your back and put your hands on the headboard.” I roll closer, using my hand to lend pressure to her hips. “Keep them there. They come off, I stop, understand?” I stare into those big blue eyes, wide with fear and trust, even as she nods.
She needs to know she’s still in control.
“That’s my good girl. Lift that pretty ass off the mattress, baby.
” When she obeys, it lures a groan from me when I tug down her leggings and panties, baring her completely to me, wearing only the silver chain around her delicate wrist. “This is how you sleep from now on.” Lying next to her, I lower my mouth to hers and thread my fingers into her hair until I feel her trembling subside.
“Can you do that for me? Let me see the woman I love?”
Her arm twitches, like she’s fighting with herself against the promise I’m asking her for. But her touch never strays from the wood.
“Yes.” Her forehead furrows. “You too, though.”
I’ve been careful not to let her see me. Not yet. I didn’t want her to feel pressured before.
Now things will be different.
“No more jeans. I won’t hide how you make me feel anymore.” Pushing onto my knees, I peel off my shirt, unbuckle my belt, and pause with my thumb on the button of my Wranglers. “Do you want to see what you do to me?”
The pink tip of her tongue darts out as she fixates on my bulging groin. “Yes, please.”
“Give me your hand.” I hold mine flat, beckoning for her fingers.
When she slips them into my palm, I use her to open my zipper, freeing my throbbing cock into her grasp.
Her cool touch is a shock after all these weeks of wanting her. I guide her up and down my shaft, sending fiery bolts into my nuts with each stroke.
Her eyes are like saucers when she goads the droplet of pre-cum out of the tip. “Cade, I—”“Back on the headboard,” I rumble, dropping to frame her with my body.
Her jaw clamps tight but she minds, reaching up with a shiver running the length of her torso.
My tongue runs her lower lip, then I suction it between my teeth to nibble. I want to devour her. I’ve been a patient man but this need to taste every inch of her is insatiable.
Leading with my fingers, I follow with my mouth, licking and suckling until her scarred skin is stained with kisses.
Those nipples I’ve only been able to tease with a brush of my touch fall victim to the heat of my appetite.
Her gasps and moans speckle the dusky air as I finally consume my way lower. She writhes beneath me, wiggling and kicking at the blankets, all while those twitching nails scratch at the wooden bed rail.
“This is how it will be.” I settle between her thighs. “I get dessert, you get to scream.” I grin over the blonde curls of her pussy, then flatten my tongue to taste her for the first time.
“Cade!” Her cry is everything I’ve wanted as she arches. “Oh my god!” She bucks her knees high, digging her heels into the bed like she’s trying to backflip away from me.
But all it does is drive me deeper until I’m pushing into her, fucking her with my mouth as she heaves and gasps.
“Hot,” she whimpers, her bare feet bracing on my shoulders, her hair flying against the pillow in a sunny fan.
With her palms flat against the headboard, her breathy moans get higher pitched while I ravage her perfect little prize like a starving man. Each jerk of her pelvis gets longer, her abs tightening and lengthening as the flush of pink races over her skin.
She’s close. One finger is what she’s used to and I slide that in to curl against the tight knot just inside her fluttering entrance.
But when I push in the second, knowing I need to stretch my lover’s virgin cunt, her scream catapults from the ceiling as she shatters around me.