12. Halliday
12
HALLIDAY
“I really admire the charity work you do; it’s inspiring,” I say, smiling brightly at Lavinia seated next to me at the table.
“You’re too kind, Halliday,” she replies before her gaze tracks to Sterling sitting opposite her.
“It is inspiring.” He nods his agreement, but it lacks any depth. I narrow my eyes at him in question, but he holds my gaze unperturbed.
He complimented Lavinia when she arrived and has made all the usual dinner conversation with everyone at the table, being his usual charming self. But he’s wearing a practiced smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
He’s got his defenses up, but why?
“Dad? Zoey said Ashton is doing a show next month at Lawson’s gallery. Why don’t you and Lavinia go? You bought one of his pieces, didn’t you?” Sinclair says, her eyes brimming with hope as they volley between Lavinia and Sterling.
“Oh, I love his work,” Lavinia chirps enthusiastically.
Hope swells my chest at the open energy flowing from her. But Sterling’s wearing an unreadable expression. His eyes pinch at the corners before he smiles politely at Lavinia.
“I’d be happy to escort you,” he answers, but it lacks any real enthusiasm.
Sinclair smiles. “Perfect.”
Sterling’s eyes move to my face, and my cheeks heat.
He doesn’t want to be here. He's managing to hide it well, but I’ve picked up on some of his quirks since we met. Like the way he takes a sip of his drink, letting the conversation move on before he has to respond to something he’d rather not discuss. And the way he leans back in his chair subtly, distancing himself whenever Lavinia leans forward to talk to him.
No one else seems to notice, but I do, and I can’t understand why. The energy across the table is palpable. The air between Sterling’s and Lavinia’s seats is practically sizzling. Her aura, tinged with pink—symbolizes openness to love and romance. Sterling’s, however, is conflicted. Blending red and indigo—indicating passion and connection—but also black, which means a blockage. More than one color at once can be a sign that someone is in the midst of a change or has a lot on their mind.
Around the table, Mal sits at one end with his wife, Trudy. Sullivan’s PA, Arabella, a sweet-looking woman who must be in her late forties is opposite them. She’s spent most of the evening talking and playing with Molly, who’s sitting between her and Sullivan. Sinclair told me she used to be Sterling’s PA, but when Sullivan took over the running of Beaufort Diamonds, she became his instead.
Sinclair is beside Sterling, opposite Denver. He’s only spoken when he’s been asked a direct question. Like when Sinclair asked him if he was jealous that Killian and Jenson are in Cape Town, and he was left behind in New York.
“And you get left here with us.” She’d laughed. “Bummer. You could have been letting loose with cocktails and all those hot girls at the beach like those two are.”
“Killian and Jenson have a job to do, and they’ll be doing it.” Denver had all but growled.
“Yeah, I’m sure they are.” She’d rolled her eyes. “Not switching out of work mode for a moment, just like their boss, huh?”
Denver ignored her jibe. She’s annoyed that Sullivan called him to collect her from the fundraiser. She told me as such. She said it isn’t the first time Denver’s been called to take her home, and she hates feeling like he’s been sent to babysit her.
We needed extra guests, like Denver and Arabella, who weren’t partnered up. This needs to feel like a group of friends casually having dinner together, because Lavinia has no idea it’s also serving as a date for her and Sterling.
But judging from the way her attention has been glued on him all night, I don’t think she would have objected if I’d told her it was.
“You feed baby now?”
I turn toward Molly, who’s toddled down the table and squeezed herself in between mine and Denver’s chairs. She looks at me with wide, innocent eyes, a mop of adorable dark curls on her head as she presents her baby doll to me like it’s the most precious thing in the world.
“Me?”
She nods, her little chubby cheeks rosy as she thrusts the doll into my arms.
“Oh, thank you.” I take my time admiring the baby. “What’s baby’s name?”
“Baby,” she says with all the cute seriousness that a two-year-old can muster.
“Baby,” I repeat softly. “And I’m allowed to feed baby?”
Molly pushes the doll’s head against my chest. “Feed baby,” she repeats.
“Molly? Bring baby back here, Sweetheart,” Sullivan calls.
“Baby needs feeding first,” I reply, smiling at her.
She beams, her tiny white milk teeth on display. On her dress, there's a little round sticker featuring a picture of fruit, with the text, Peach for the stars .
I hold the doll against my breast, stroking its cheek gently as I pretend to nurse it. Molly watches with her bottom lip poking out before she declares baby has had enough. I carefully hand the doll back to her, and she goes to Sullivan and gives it to him. He places it up on his shoulder, patting its back as Molly climbs into his lap.
He wraps his arm around her, and she snuggles into his side, playing with his tie.
“Baby loves you, Daddy.”
He continues to soothe the toy through an imaginary burp and kisses Molly’s head. “And I love you and baby. I’m a very lucky daddy.”
Molly giggles and pats the doll’s back with him.
The usually stiff Sullivan doting on Molly with such adoration fills me with warmth. I turn to Sterling to see if he's noticed, but the moment I look across the table, his eyes meet mine, as if he’s been watching me all along. They’re darkened with a simmering heat that steals my breath.
“So sweet,” Lavinia coos.
I swallow as Sterling holds my eyes over the rim of his glass and takes a sip. His eyes are burning like two blue flames. He places his glass on the table with a forceful thud, then he’s on his feet.
“Excuse me.” He clears his throat, buttons up his jacket, and slips out of the room.
I rise to my feet, my excuse about heading to the restroom unnecessary because the table has broken into smaller pockets of conversation, and no one notices as I leave.
I hurry down the corridor, bypassing the restrooms, and head toward the strip of light glowing under Sterling’s closed office door. The pleated skirt of my wrap dress settles against my thighs as I pause outside and take a deep breath.
I knock harder than I mean to.
“Come in.”
I step inside, leaving the door partially open.
“Why are you fighting it? Do you think you don’t deserve it, is that it?”
All thoughts of gently easing into this conversation evaporate at the sight of him sitting behind his desk, one hand running across his silver-flecked jawline.
“Hallie,” he says wearily, like he knew I’d follow him and was hoping I wouldn’t.
“I don’t understand.” I storm to his desk, planting both palms on the dark wood and leaning over it.
“What’s there to understand?”
“Really?” I snap in exasperation. “Come on… I can feel the energy racing out of you, even now. It was practically clawing its way across the table back there.” I shoot an arm out, pointing back through the open door. “But you’re holding back, and I don’t understand why.”
“Clawing its way across the table?” He chuckles, but his eyes lack amusement.
“Yes! I felt it at the fundraiser too. And Lavinia’s giving back just as much.”
He hums, running his hand over his jaw again.
I want to smack it away and force him to listen to me. Really listen.
“Look, I’ve been doing this long enough to know energy like that when I feel it. She’s attracted to you. And I think you’re attracted to her. But something’s stopping you.”
“Lavinia is just a friend.”
Irritation flares up my spine. I want to help him, but he needs to meet me halfway. Or a quarter. Something.
“She lost her partner too.” I soften my voice and straighten from the desk, adopting a gentler approach. “You could open up to her. Maybe she can be more than a friend.”
“I could.”
I stare him down, refusing to break his gaze. But defeat weighs heavy on my shoulders, and I exhale wearily.
“But you won’t.”
His response is crystal clear from the unwavering return of his darkened gaze.
But I refuse to let him give up, to believe he’s missed his chance or that he doesn’t deserve another.
“Maybe another date? Some more time with her? I could arrange?—”
“Stop.”
“Let me help you,” I plead. “She’s a lovely woman, she’s?—”
“We slept together once, and I regretted it before it was even over!”
The air is sucked from the room as his sudden revelation bites through the gap between us.
He holds my eyes before cursing softly and shaking his head.
“I’m sorry if that’s wrong of me to say, but it’s the truth. I never looked at another woman after losing Elaina, despite what she did. Not until the anniversary of their deaths and I…”
He stands up and walks out from behind his desk. Slipping his hands into his pant pockets, he exhales. “Lavinia dropped by to check on me. I was still so angry about what Elaina did with Neil. I’d been drinking and I saw a way to get revenge with Elaina’s friend, or at least feel something other than betrayed for a change.”
“Sterling,” I murmur, hating the way his face is screwed up like he detests himself.
“I faked my own damn orgasm.” He grimaces. “Have you ever heard a man say that? Neither of us has ever mentioned it since. But it’s why every time she asks me to take her to a play or be her plus one at an art show, I agree. Because I feel guilty for involving her in my selfish, stupid actions. So damn guilty.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t I tell you?” he repeats.
I nod, and he stiffens.
“I didn’t tell you, Hallie, because talking to you about women I’ve had sex with feels more wrong than anything else I’ve ever done.” He tips his head toward the ceiling with a curse. “… So damn wrong.”
Realization over how wrong I’ve been settles like a lead weight in my gut.
“It’s my fault. I swear I thought there was something there.”
“There isn’t.”
I falter, wondering whether to reach out to him. To ease the turmoil creasing his brow. This is my doing.
“I’m so sorry. I thought with what I was feeling and picking up on.... I’ve never gotten it so wrong before.”
No matter what I say, it won’t change the fact I screwed up. I’m supposed to bring joy to my clients. But looking at Sterling’s tightly clenched jaw, I can see how epically I’ve failed him.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat weakly. “I can fix this, I can?—”
“You can’t, Hallie.”
The finality of his words makes the air in my lungs burn. I always thought I couldn’t fail, because if I did, then my large donations would cease. Jenny’s charities would suffer. Other families like mine would pay the price. But now, it’s something else that’s making my mouth dry and my eyes sting.
It’s the thought of Sterling feeling as alone as the defeat in his voice suggests.
“I promised you I’d help. Tell me what I can do.” I take a tentative step toward him.
“You want to know what you can do?” He arches a thick brow, watching me move closer.
“Tell me what you need. What you want.” I stand close enough that his breath falls against my face as I look into his eyes.
His gaze traces down my face, along my jaw, over my lips, until finally coming to rest on my eyes.
He’s struggling to let me in. He must be wishing he never met me.
“Why don’t you start by telling me what you don’t want?” I suggest.
“What I don’t want?” He places his hands on his hips like he needs to grip on to something.
I nod, desperate for a sparkle of light I can grab onto in the darkness. One I can use to pull him free.
“I don’t want Lavinia,” he grits.
“Okay.” I nod, encouraging him to continue.
“I don’t want to hear any more about a single other woman you’ve got lined up for me to meet.”
I hold back my frown. “Okay.”
“I don’t want you to set me up on any more damn dates,” he growls.
His eyes darken and drop to my mouth, cutting off my protest.
“No more, Hallie. It stops now. I’m not attracted to them. I will never want them.”
“You’re sure?”
A muscle ticks in his jaw, and he sucks in a breath.
“I’m damn sure. You know why?”
I shake my head, my voice stolen.
“Because none of them consume my every thought. None of them keep me awake at night because I can’t stop thinking about them for even one goddamn minute. No one has ever done that to me before. Not Elaina. Not anyone.” His eyes take on a wildness, like a hunter watching its prey. “Until now,” he rasps.
My core clenches as he leans a fraction closer, and the heat of his body fills the small space between us.
He licks his lips before continuing, a gesture so natural yet it sends bursts of light racing through me as if I'm witnessing something extraordinary. “Now I wake every single night. It’s like my blood has been lit by a fire she started with her smile, her laugh… her very essence.”
“Who is she?” I whisper.
His lips thin into a grim smile.
“Who is she?” he repeats.
I gulp as he stares into my eyes.
“Hallie. If you honestly don’t know the answer to that, then it’s best we finish this conversation here. I’ll settle whatever is outstanding, and we terminate your contract, and you board a flight to London.”
My heart pounds so fiercely I’m scared it might burst out of my chest and fly into his perfectly tailored suit.
I sweep my gaze over his hair, more silver than dark now, then over his face, his silver brushed jawline, cut so sharply that if I were told touching it would result in my fingers coming away coated in blood, I’d believe it.
As handsome as he would have been aged twenty, thirty, forty, it’s breathtakingly obvious that the wisdom, the confidence, the effortless gentlemanly charm he now possesses, have only made him more mesmerizing. Alluring.
Time has transformed him. Given him something else.
He is something else.
Tingles race down my arms, and I wiggle my fingers to check they’re still attached. The back of my neck grows hot, and the sound of my own breath echoes in my ears.
“Me?”
His eyes soften.
“You, Baby girl.”
Those gently spoken words make me suck in a sharp breath.
He holds my eyes as I process them. I knew. Every cell in my body knew deep down. All the energy I’ve felt. The way I reacted to Sullivan when I met him, a tiny hint from their shared genes at what was to come when I met the man himself. Even the way I felt something flowing off him across the table tonight.
It wasn’t because of Lavinia sitting next to me.
It was me. All because of me.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper.
“You don’t know what to say?”
I shake my head, my lips parting with a splintered breath. “I…”
He slides his hands around my neck, cradling beneath my jaw and tilting my face up. His body presses against mine, bringing with it the scent of him I love so much. A grounding calm soothes my racing nerves, leaving behind a hunger… an insatiable one growing and reaching up from my core.
I slide my palms over his solid chest, feeling the heat seeping through from his skin.
He searches my eyes as I stare back, dumbstruck.
“Why don’t you tell me if it still needs work?”
“What—?”
He slants his mouth over mine, stealing the words straight from them. A whimper climbs up my windpipe, escaping into his mouth as he kisses me with the skill of a man who knows exactly how to set energy racing through my veins. With soft lips, he commands all of my senses until I’m surrounded by him. Feeling his warmth, his solid strength, tasting him as he holds me to him.
“Oh my god,” I moan when he lets me break for a breath, before sinking straight back into our kiss again.
A deep groan vibrates in his throat, and he slides his tongue into my mouth, making my legs weak. I wobble, and he grasps my hip, steadying me.
I let out a soft moan, opening myself fully to him, inviting him to give me everything. To show me everything.
His kiss deepens, each slip of his tongue against mine, every pass of our lips overwhelming my thoughts and my body, igniting explosions of pure bliss throughout me.
Dragging me toward a place of no return.
“Stop!” I pull away, panting.
My fingers fly to my tingling lips, expecting to feel stardust there.
“Hallie?” Sterling’s voice is saturated with the same concern that’s overtaken his eyes.
“I… I…” I move backward, creating space between us.
He steps toward me, and I step back.
We’re in a dance, our eyes locked together.
We reach the doorway within seconds. Sterling’s eyes dart toward it, and he swallows thickly as if he’s considering the possibility I might bolt out of it.
My back hits the door and forces a breath from my lungs.
“Do you want to leave?”
“I… I…” My head and my heart and my body are all at war against one another.
“Hallie?” Sterling rasps. “Do you want to leave?”
I stare at his parted lips. Lips that were on mine mere moments ago. Lips that kissed me and made me feel what can only be described as something magical.
I shake my head, one word uttered out with blissful submission.
“No.”
He exhales, and his breath fans over my lips.
“Good.”
He places one palm against the wood above my head and slowly pushes. I move back with the door, jolting as it clicks closed.
He flicks the lock slowly.
The click echoes around the room and makes my nipples pucker into tight peaks through my dress.
Sterling’s eyes drop to them, and I look at him through my lashes. He cups my chin, his thumb easing my teeth from my snagged lower lip as he holds my gaze.
“Baby girl,” he breathes.
His broad chest expands, and I lift my hands to touch him, needing to feel the way his lungs fill with air, desperate for more oxygen after the soul-awakening kiss he gave me. His eyes are intent on mine as I relish feeling his life beneath my palms, the deep, steady beats of his heart.
“It needs more work,” I whisper.
He arches a brow, his pupils blowing wide as I lose myself in his gaze.
“More?”
I nod. “More.”
His eyes spark, and we crash together, a ball of bright buzzing energy. He lifts me into his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist.
He moves away from the door and pins me roughly beneath his hard body and the wall.
The force of us crashing into it, hands and mouths devouring each other, sends his bookshelf shaking, and items topple off, crashing to the floor. Sterling ignores the chaos, groaning up a storm against my neck as he buries his face into it, kissing and sucking.
“So, so good,” I whimper as he carries me to his desk, blindly reaching out and swiping a stack of paperwork off it before he rests me on the edge.
He grips my outer thighs, bunching my dress around my hips. We kiss as if we’re starved.
“Sterling,” I gasp as a thick length presses against my inner thigh.
“Baby girl, this is so damn selfish of me. I’m twenty years older than you,” he chokes at the same time I grab his belt with one hand and use it to yank him closer.
His cock is stuffed between the two of us, and I cry out as it rubs me through my panties.
My clit throbs painfully, and I wriggle against him.
“Hallie,” he groans.
The sensation is so much better than anything I’ve ever felt before. His hot mouth, his deep, hoarse voice against my neck, breathing me in between fevered kisses he’s pressing onto my blazing skin.
I stroke his jaw, skating along the rough stubble as I guide his mouth lower to where I ache to feel him.
“I want more. Please.”
His gaze drops to the low neckline of my dress where I’ve forced his head. He drags his tongue over the swell of my breast above the fabric, leaving goosebumps behind.
“You want me to taste these delicious tits of yours, Baby girl?” He sucks on my skin with a deep moan as his eyes fall closed in ecstasy. He jerks back a fraction, letting out a rough curse. “Jesus, what am I saying?”
“Do it,” I beg, arching my body back toward his mouth.
He groans like he’s in physical pain before he yanks one side of my dress down. Cool air hits my nipple. He pauses for a beat, drinking me in.
The heat in his eyes as he glances at me has arousal soaking my panties.
Then he lowers his mouth and latches onto my nipple.
“God!” I arch into him, pleasure hurtling through me from where he’s sucking and flicking his tongue over it. “Exactly like that,” I cry.
It’s like another force has taken over my body and the only thing that matters is having Sterling as close as I possibly can. I want to share every breath, feel every heartbeat, be warmed by every touch.
I reach for him, and my wrist grazes the head of his cock straining against his zipper.
He encircles my wrist, halting me before I can curl my hand around it to feel him pulsing in my palm.
“Baby girl, we’ve already crossed a line tonight.”
My chest heaves with lust-fueled breaths as I lift my eyes to meet his.
Something seizes in my chest. Is he saying he doesn’t want to? That he doesn’t?—
He groans, the sound laced with lust. “Believe me, I’ll sprint over this one with you if that’s what you want. But if we cross it, then you need to know that I’ll fight so damn hard to keep you. No matter how selfish or wrong of me that is. I’ll damn well worship you every day. I’ll give you everything.”
“Sterling…”
He holds my eyes, determination in his, backing up every word that he says next.
“If this is what you want, Hallie, then I’ll take you home with me tonight. We’ll call the whole damn matching thing off. It’s your choice. One word and I’ll make it all happen. One word.”
My lips part but nothing comes out. I fight to make my tongue move. To form a syllable. To make a sound.
Silence.
Sterling strokes my wrist before he lets go. He gently straightens my dress, covering me up.
“You’re my client,” I choke out finally. “I…”
He cradles my face before pressing the softest of kisses to my forehead.
A kiss that makes my eyes sting with the threat of tears.
“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. It’s okay,” he soothes.
He helps me down from his desk.
On shaky legs, I step around him, struggling to make sense of the emotions whirling around my head.
I’ve crossed a professional boundary. What the hell was I thinking?
I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking. I let myself get carried away.
I almost ruined everything.
Clutching my hand to my mouth I walk to the door and unlock it, then glance back.
Sterling’s gaze is cast downward to the pink rose quartz heart on his desk.
“I’m so sorry,” I murmur and leave before his eyes have the chance to meet mine again.