Chapter 9
BONNIE
ONE MONTH LATER
Oceanwell Bay
"Take care of yourself, Mom. Okay?" I asked, recognizing that I was being dismissed.
"Sure, sure." Mom sounded distracted.
I sighed as I disconnected the call, pocketing my phone. I was trying to determine if she was in trouble—she only pestered me when she needed money.
Unfortunately, Mom had a gambling addiction.
Dad said her gambling used to be innocent, just a bit of fun when they first met.
At least, that was what he thought. Gradually, it broke down their marriage.
The last straw had been when he’d found out that Mom lost our house.
Needless to say, they divorced soon after.
Nowadays, she attended a gambling addiction program, but it didn’t help much.
I'd learned over the years to never give her money directly—I preferred to order groceries for her online and have them delivered.
As I went out the door, I was feeling slightly light-headed. Honestly, I'd been a bit down lately. It started last week with an overall weakness and headaches. I kept waiting to get sick so I could get better again, but it wasn’t happening. The sensation of being permanently weak persisted.
I hadn't had breakfast, so I wanted to stop by the bakery truck as usual. But as I approached it, the smell overpowered my senses. Nausea hit me like a train. I knew I should eat something, but at the moment, it felt like I couldn't keep anything down. This had to be a stomach bug.
I greeted Alan but walked quickly past the cart. Out of the corner of my eye, I glimpsed his disappointment. I’d explain everything next time—as long as I didn’t feel like throwing up.
Usually, once I started work, I managed to energize myself and focus on my tasks and forget all about the fact that I was feeling unwell. But today, it was impossible.
The longer I stayed on my feet, the more light-headed I felt. The smell of medicine was even worse than the food. I retched twice, but nothing came out.
“You should go to a doctor,” Dante said just before lunch.
I’d nearly fainted in the pool. We’d released Steve last week, but we had an adorable new addition—another dolphin. He was younger than Steve and wasn’t liking our pool quite as much. I’d nicknamed him Bobby.
“I will.”
I used my lunchtime to get to the pharmacy. There was a general practitioner in Oceanwell, but he wasn’t open today. I hoped the pharmacy would have something that could help me. I knew I had to eat, and that probably accounted for the fact that I was light-headed, but the nausea persisted.
The pharmacy was two blocks away from the clinic, so I could grab lunch afterward and still have plenty of time to get back to work.
The shop was on the ground floor of an old building.
There used to be an apothecary here, and they'd preserved a lot of the original furniture.
It looked like I'd just stepped back in time.
"Hello? How may I help you?" a woman singsonged from behind the counter. She seemed to be only a few years older than me.
"Hey, I've been feeling a bit sick lately. It started last week. I keep thinking I'm going to get the flu or a stomach bug, but I don't. I just feel bad all the time."
"What are your symptoms?"
"I'm light-headed a lot," I said, walking up to the counter. "I also have nausea from time to time. It seems worse when I'm around strong smells. I'm not even sure if you can give me something."
"It does sound like you might be coming down with a stomach bug. I can give you something for that." She turned around, looking at the rack of medicine behind her. Then she turned again, looking at me. "There is, of course, also the possibility of pregnancy."
I stared at her. "No, that's not a possibility."
"If you’re sure, then we can cross that off."
My heart thundered in my chest. I was sure, right? I hadn't had unprotected sex. Travis and I always used a condom.
"When was the last time you had your period?" she asked me, practically voicing my thoughts.
I grabbed the phone from my bag with trembling fingers and opened my calendar. I marked the first day of every period as “pink day.”
"Six weeks ago." My voice sounded strangled, like it didn't even belong to me.
"I've got a few things here for you," the pharmacist said. Putting two sets of pills on the counter, she explained to me what each did. I was only half listening, my pulse so fast that I was sure I’d faint.
"Do you also want me to put a pregnancy test in your bag, just in case?" she asked.
I stared at her numbly for a few seconds before nodding.
I just knew it couldn't be. I wanted kids dearly, but only after I found my soul mate, got married, and preferably owned a house. It couldn’t be.
But the panic gripping my body told me another story.
There was always a possibility of birth control failing.
Oh God. My heart felt like it might beat out of my chest.
I left the pharmacy the second I paid. Once I was outside, the salty air calmed me down. I stood against the wall of the building, closing my eyes. The bag’s paper handles cut into my palm.
I took in deep breaths, inhaling slowly and exhaling even slower.
This type of breathwork calmed the nervous system.
I often made use of it when I tried to reassure my patients.
I’d hold the animal as close as possible and practice it for a few minutes.
The animal, sensing the change in my system, calmed down as well.
Opening my eyes, I rejoiced at the fact that I wasn’t light-headed anymore. I felt brave enough to head directly to Alan’s cart.
“Bonnie, it’s good to see you," he greeted me. "You seemed upset this morning.”
“I wasn’t feeling well. I was nauseous, and the smell of food made it worse. But now I’m great. Can I have something that could count as lunch?”
He winked at me. “I’ve been experimenting today. Made some mini quiches. I’ve had some requests for lunch food, and I make a mean quiche. Today I have two types: with cheese or spinach.”
“I’ll take one with spinach, please.”
He put it on a paper plate, carefully handing it over the counter. I realized just how starved I was when I bit into it.
“How is it?” Al asked.
“It’s really good.” It was delicious. On the plus side, it wasn’t making me sick. In fact, I felt much better once I finished it.
Alan beamed at me proudly.
That was all this was—I just hadn't eaten today. Of course I wasn’t feeling well.
Stop lying to yourself, a small voice said at the back of my mind as I stepped inside the clinic.
But I insisted on doing just that, lying to myself until my workday was over. I didn't dare take the pregnancy test while at work. I wasn't sure I’d find the courage to do it at all.
"Are you okay? You look a bit pale," Dante asked as we closed the clinic in the evening.
"Oh, I don't know. It's been a weird week," I admitted.
"You do seem a bit out of it. But I guess at least the weekend is coming, so you'll be able to rest."
"Yeah, true," I said. I was not looking forward to the weekend. I'd have far too much time with my thoughts.
I knew I'd procrastinate about the pregnancy test, but I wasn’t going to let that happen—I was going to do it tonight and rip off the Band-Aid. But I couldn't do it on my own. I simply couldn't.
My first instinct was to call my mom and ask her if she felt she was pregnant with me before any test told her, but I knew better than that.
I doubted she even remembered. Instead, I texted my best friend, Ashley.
I was proud that I’d finally convinced her to keep any profit the Airbnb made while I was away.
It was a lot of work to welcome guests and to organize cleaning after they left.
Bonnie: Can we catch up this evening?
She answered right away.
Ashley: I thought you'd never ask.
Bonnie: Okay, talk to you in ten minutes.
I didn't want to call her in the middle of the sidewalk, and I still needed a moment to pluck up the courage to tell her what was going on.
I walked home with my bag over my shoulder, clutching the paper bag with the medicine and the test to my chest. My thoughts flew to Travis.
Despite having my number, he hadn't texted me since he left.
He seemed to mean it when he said he wanted to keep in touch, but this wasn’t the first time a man let me down. Mostly, I’d tried not to think about it. But to be fair, we’d had a one-week fling. I couldn’t complain.
As I stepped inside my bungalow, I put the bag with the medicine on my kitchen table, then called Ashley.
"Hi! Shall I pop open the bottle of chardonnay?" she asked.
I chuckled, as we'd done that a couple times—caught up on each other’s week while drinking the same wine.
I bit my lip, deciding to tell her right away. "I need your mental support."
"Crap. For what?" Her voice was instantly alert.
"I need to take a pregnancy test."
She didn't reply for a few seconds. "Travis?” We’d spoken briefly of my fling, but I’d hoped it hadn’t been memorable for her.
"Yes. I've been feeling sick lately. I'm sure it's just a stomach bug, but I bought one, so I might as well do it."
"Okay. Let’s get it over with," Ashley said.
"I'm going to the bathroom. I’ll hang up and call you again when I’m waiting for the result.”
"You don't need to do that."
"I won’t pee on a stick while you’re on the phone."
"You know I don't get grossed out, which is a good thing if I'm going to babysit."
My whole body tensed up. Babysit. Oh God, this is getting too real.
"Let's not use that word until after I take the test. I’ll call you later." My voice trembled as I hung up.
I went into the bathroom and opened the package. It took me a while because my hands were shaking.
"Get a grip on yourself, Bonnie."