Chapter 9 #2
I finally managed to take out the test and read the instructions. It was all straightforward. I followed it step by step, going through the motions mechanically. Once I was done and had nothing left to do except wait for the allotted time, I paced the bathroom, unable to stand still.
I'd imagined this moment a million times. I always thought I wanted three kids. I’d dote on them and give them all the love in the world.
But ideally, I'd be married for a couple years already to a guy I adored and who knew me inside out. Not to someone I barely met—who turned out to be nothing like I’d thought he would be.
I stood completely still when the two lines appeared, indicating it was positive. Oh my God. Oh my God.
My phone buzzed the very next second. I always knew Ashley had a sixth sense. I answered right away, putting the phone to my ear and dropping the test in the sink.
"Woman, you can't do this to me. What does it say?" Ashley asked.
"It's positive." I gripped the edge of the sink, looking in the mirror.
"Oh my God," Ashley screamed. "I don't believe this."
"Yeah, neither do I," I whispered.
"You know what? You should go to an ob-gyn. Tests can be wrong."
"I’ll look for one."
"Wait a second." I heard the sound of fingers hitting a keyboard on her end, and then she said, "Look, I found an ob-gyn. It's pretty close to you. Actually, it's in your town. Do you want me to make an appointment for you?"
"I don't think you can call at this time of day. They'll probably be closed."
"Let me check if I can make an appointment online," she says. "Of course not. Why would I think someone working in that godforsaken town has an online option?"
"I'll just call Monday morning," I said.
"Oh, honey, do you want me to fly there? I don't want you to be alone."
"You’re sweet, but no way. You have enough on your plate. I’ll keep you informed," I said. "I'll talk to you the second I'm out of the doctor's office." I left the bathroom, feeling too unnerved to stand next to the positive test any longer.
"It could be wrong, you know," she said.
But as I sat down on the couch, I knew in my bones that it wasn't. I put a hand on my stomach, and I could simply feel it.
"Are you going to tell Travis?" she asked softly.
"If it ends up being true, yes," I said. "But I want to have the confirmation from the doctor first."
On Monday, I felt like I was about to throw up when I stepped inside the office of Dr. Johanna Steele. I was happy she could fit me in right away, since she was the only ob-gyn in the area.
"Good morning," she said. She seemed in her late thirties.
"Hi."
"What brings you here today? An emergency?" she asked.
I'd called at eight o’clock this morning when her opening hours started. I cleared my throat, sitting in the chair opposite her. She looked at me with kind eyes. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail.
"It's possible that I'm pregnant. I did a test, and I would like a confirmation."
She nodded. "Do you happen to know when the possible point of conception was?"
"Between four and five weeks."
She made notes, scrunching her nose. "Did you have any blood work done?"
"No. I did the test on Friday, and today I called you."
"All right. At four or five weeks, sometimes I can't tell anything on the ultrasound. The blood work will tell you if you're pregnant or not. But since you're here, let's take a look.” She pointed to the examination table.
"Okay. Should I just raise my T-shirt?"
"Oh, no. This is going to be a transvaginal ultrasound. It's too early to see anything on your belly."
"Okay." I took off my pants, feeling completely jittery before lying down on the table. I never liked visits at the gynecologist, but at least I was used to Dr. Taylor back in Chicago. I couldn't imagine doing this with a perfect stranger, but here I was.
She applied lube on the wand before gently sliding it inside.
"All right. I'm in. Are you uncomfortable?"
"I'm not comfortable," I replied, "but nothing hurts."
"Sorry, I know this isn't pleasant. Let’s see what we’ve got here."
That was when I realized she was staring at the screen next to her. My eyes were glued to it, my throat dry. I couldn't see anything.
"Oh, there it is," she said, pointing to a small blob that looked a bit like a tear. "That's the amniotic sac. I can confirm that you’re pregnant."
My vision faded. I blinked rapidly but only saw black in front of my eyes as she pulled out the instrument.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I think I might pass out."
I felt her hand on my ankle. "Take a deep breath."
I took a deep breath as she instructed, and my sight slowly came back. Her expression was sympathetic.
"I'm going to guess this was unexpected."
"Yes. Was there a heartbeat?"
She shook her head. "It's far too early for any of that. At this point, we can't see the baby, just the amniotic sac, but it's definitely there. You can still have blood work, of course, to confirm it," she said as she took off the white latex gloves, throwing them in the bin next to the chair.
"But we used condoms," I said as she gestured for me to get up from the table. "And we didn’t have any accidents."
She smiled sympathetically. "I'm going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins. Do you want me to oversee your pregnancy, or do you have another doctor?"
I put my pants on quickly. "I have a doctor in Chicago. My employment here will only last for another three months, and then I'm going back there."
"You can simply forward the notes that I'll have for you today to your own doctor, and he or she can take care of it from there."
"Great." I was too stunned to add anything else.
I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby.
A tiny little thing that was mine to love.
Despite being 100 percent terrified, I was also happy.
I listened as Dr. Steele told me what I should be careful with, what I had to give up.
She assured me she’d write down all her findings from the examination so I could forward them to my doctor in Chicago.
After she dismissed me, I wandered aimlessly on the streets, not ready to go to work. I had to tell Travis. I couldn't postpone it any longer. I’d do blood work, too, because the doctor advised me to do it, but it didn't make any sense to wait.
I took out my phone, dialing his number before I lost my courage, and brought the phone to my ear. I wondered if he even remembered who I was? I tried to imagine his reaction.
My mind came up with several scenarios, but none included Travis changing his number. Instead of hearing his voice, a generic one informed me that the number didn't exist.