28. Tate #2
“I’m going to stay with her for a bit,” I whispered to Lexi.
She nodded, watching us from the doorway for a few minutes before going downstairs.
I couldn’t move from Paisley’s side. She was safe.
She was with me. I was never going to allow anything like this to happen again.
Never. I wanted to protect her at all costs.
Nora didn’t want to be part of her life, so it was on me to offer Paisley as much stability as possible, and I was going to do a damn fine job.
Lexi and I were going to be there for her. Always.
Doubt slithered in my mind. What if things didn’t work out between us? What if one day she walked out of our lives?
I shook my head, focusing on Paisley. She was sleeping peacefully.
This day had been an emotional roller coaster for her…
and for me too. That’s why my thoughts were going in circles.
It was the only explanation for why I went from wanting to spontaneously propose to Lexi to contemplating the worst-case scenario.
I rose from the side of the bed, needing to move. I was going to spiral out more if I sat here, so I left the room as quietly as possible and went downstairs to Lexi.
She always balanced me out. She was everything I wanted, and I needed her: her warmth, her calmness, her softness.
I needed all of her.
Lexi
I had no idea what to do with myself. I was in a state.
Adrenaline still coursed through me, and I walked restlessly around the kitchen.
Part of me wanted to hurry up the stairs and check if Paisley was indeed in her bed, sleeping soundly.
Rationally, I knew she was okay, but I got so scared today that I was still beside myself.
I filled two glasses with ice water for Tate and me for no reason at all, to give myself something to do. When he told me she was missing, everything inside me went numb. I'd never been so afraid about anything in my entire life. I couldn't imagine how he must have felt.
I paced the kitchen, perking up when I heard footsteps coming down.
"She's still asleep," he announced, coming into the kitchen.
"It’ll do her good," I said. "How are you feeling? I poured us ice water, but I can get out a bottle of wine or whiskey. I'm sure it's wine time somewhere in the world." I was only half joking.
"That's fine. I don't need any of it." He leaned against the kitchen counter.
"Do you know what happened? Why she left the school? Did she just want tacos?"
"No. Nora told her she couldn't come for her birthday, and she was upset."
"Oh no." My heart sank. "Poor kid. No wonder she was upset. Do you think you can change Nora's mind?"
"No, she has a Vogue photoshoot she doesn't want to miss," he said with a sneer.
"Know what? You should sit down. You're tense, and I'm sure a neck massage is going to help you. You're going to forget about today, and we're going to make Paisley's birthday amazing. She won't even realize Nora isn't there."
He was frowning, as if he wasn't really listening to me, just pacing the kitchen. I took in his body language. His shoulders were rigid, his arms and neck stiff. In fact, the way he moved gave away that his whole body was full of tension.
"Earth to Tate. Where are you?"
"What if we break up?" he blurted.
I jerked my head back. "What?”
“You and Paisley, you’re so close. She loves you as much as I do."
"I love both of you too," I said, biting the inside of my cheek.
"But what if this between us doesn't work out, say, five years down the road? I don't want to put my daughter through more heartbreak.”
I knew he was reacting to everything that happened today with Paisley and Nora ghosting her daughter again.
His guard always went up when Paisley was affected.
And today, he was in full-on protector mode.
It was completely understandable, and I loved him even more for being so consumed by her happiness.
I wasn’t sure how to make him see that it was all I wanted too.
I loved him and Paisley deeply. I’d never felt anything like it in my whole life.
I brought a hand to my stomach, pressing against the knot that popped up there. "Tate. Look, no matter what happens, I care about Paisley, and we can always talk about things with her.”
“Or she'll always react like this, and maybe another time I won't find her."
"What are you saying?" I asked in a whisper.
"Nothing. I'm frustrated. I just… I'm wondering if I'm being selfish, choosing my happiness even at the risk of hurting my daughter in the future."
I stared at him, feeling like I couldn't breathe. He's emotional from today's events. That's all , I told myself. That's all .
But what if it was more?
“So, what, you want to call things off on the off chance it might not work out in the future?” My voice was high-pitched. I pressed my lips together, feeling like I couldn’t breathe.
Tate’s eyes widened. “Lexi, I don’t want to hurt you. Or Paisley. It’s just… This is a big fear of mine.”
Oh my God, he’s not saying no .
“I’m not going to—” I broke off midsentence because my voice was even more high-pitched than before. I couldn’t control it. My eyes were burning, and my tear ducts seemed to be connected to the lump in my throat.
“I love you,” I whispered, moving closer until he was right in front of me.
He put his hands on my arms, and his touch warmed me. But the concern in his eyes slayed me. If my love wasn’t enough…
“I love you too. You know I do. But I can’t help fearing that one day, it might fall apart.”
“It won’t,” I said honestly before covering my mouth. My voice was completely undependable. It went from high-pitched to a whisper, and now to high-pitched and loud again. I didn’t want to wake Paisley. That was the last thing she needed after how today went.
“Lexi. I love you,” he repeated.
“But you don’t know if it’s enough.” My whole body sagged with a bone-deep sadness. “Tate, I’m going to go.”
“What? No. Why? Let’s talk about this.” He moved one hand from my arm to my cheek, but I took a step back, needing distance.
“I can’t. Not right now. We’ve both had a difficult day, and I don’t want Paisley to wake up and see us like this.”
“Lexi—”
I shook my head, a bit afraid of what he wanted to say. I wasn’t ready to hear it. Grabbing my purse from the kitchen counter, I slung it on my shoulder, fiddling with the strap.
“I love you, Tate. You and Paisley. That’s all I can tell you.”
He opened his mouth, but I shook my head again, hurrying past him.
I needed to get out.