29. Tate
TATE
The second Lexi was out the door, I regretted every word I said. Fuck, I was a mess, but now I’d hurt her. That was unacceptable.
For the next two hours, I paced my living room, torn between staying put or calling someone to stay with Paisley so I could run out the door after Lexi.
But I couldn’t leave my little girl, not after what happened today.
I needed to make things good with Lexi, though.
She was so damn important to me, and I wanted her to know that.
I took out my phone, starting to dial Lexi’s number when I heard a patter of feet on the staircase.
“Daaaaad?” Paisley asked.
“I’m in the kitchen.”
She ran toward me and hugged my waist. I put the phone on the counter. Maybe it was better. There was no way I could make this right over the phone. I hugged my daughter back with all I had.
“Daddy, can I have waffles?”
Today of all days, I couldn’t say no to her, so of course I gave in.
“Daddy, is Lexi here?”
No, because your father scared her off. Fuck me.
“No, honey. She went home for a bit.” What else could I say? I felt horrible.
“She’ll be back, right?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” As soon as Paisley was eating, I was going to call and apologize. I’d seriously messed this up.
While preparing the batter, I kept a close eye on her. She brought her coloring book to the island, singing one of her favorite soundtracks.
"How are you feeling?" I asked her a few minutes later, putting a waffle with a smiley face and a party hat on it in front of her. That made her smile. I ruffled her hair, standing right next to her. After today’s scare, I didn’t want to be farther away than necessary. I couldn’t.
"I'm okay. Really. I'm so sorry I scared everyone, Dad."
"Hey, don't worry. It’s okay. We all do things we don’t mean to when we’re upset.”
Like me with Lexi. Damn it.
I touched Paisley’s shoulder and pulled her into a half hug. I wanted to keep her safe from everything and everyone. But I didn't get to hold her very long because she pushed me away, looking up at me.
"I'm not a baby anymore. I’ll be ten soon. I understand stuff."
"What do you mean?"
She shrugged, taking a bite of her waffle.
"I spoke to Mom, and she said she might take me to Disneyland for my next vacation.
I know Mom's life isn't here anymore, so I won’t see her as much.
And that's okay. You’re here. And so is Lexi.
" She put her fork down, looking up at me. She seemed nervous.
"What is it, Paisley?"
"Dad, do you think Lexi would want to be my mom?"
Something twisted in my chest. Shit. I fucked up so badly. I honestly thought the answer to that was a resounding yes, but I'd hurt Lexi, so now I wasn't sure of anything anymore.
I cupped my daughter's cheek. "I think Lexi loves you very much."
"I love her too, Dad. She's the best mom I could hope for."
And that thing in my chest kept twisting, remembering how upset Lexi was when she left here. At that moment, I wasn't in the right headspace, but I should have kept my mouth shut instead of voicing my fears. It wasn't fair to her.
Paisley focused on eating her waffles, clearly happy in her thoughts about Lexi. My mind was racing at one million miles an hour.
The doorbell rang, startling me.
"Oh, that's Grandma Beatrice," Paisley said.
"How do you know?"
"I spoke to her earlier on the phone. That’s why I woke up. She asked if she could come here. She was worried too." My daughter bit her lower lip. "Now she'll see that I’m okay, and she won't worry anymore. And we need to check the list for my birthday party."
"Go on and open the door for her."
She slid down from the chair, leaving the half-eaten waffle on the plate as she darted out of the kitchen.
"You gave us quite the scare, girl," Gran told Paisley seconds after I heard the front door open.
"I know. I'm sorry, Grandma. I promise I won't do it again.”
Both of them came into the kitchen.
“Where is your list for the party?” Gran asked.
“It’s on my iPad. I’ll go get it.”
"Perfect. Your dad will keep me company in the meantime." Something in her voice alerted me that Paisley wasn't the only reason she was here.
The second my daughter was out of the room, Gran sighed, shaking her head as she pointed at me. "Tate, Tate, Tate, what am I going to do with you?"
I hadn't heard that tone of voice since I was a teenager. "What do you mean?"
"You need to make things right with Lexi," she said without further ado.
I stared at her. "How do you know something is wrong?"
"Because I called to talk to her about Paisley's birthday and the poor girl was out of sorts."
"Fuck."
"Language,” she said, giving me the side-eye. “Listen to me, Tate. Lexi cares about you, and you care about her. And I'm going to give you some advice."
I grimaced.
"Don't make that face. Your dad was all full of himself too when he thought he knew how to get your mom back."
I frowned. "When did he have to? He never said anything."
"Of course not. Men don't like to bring up things like that. Your grandfather and I were married for twenty-five years, and we only had one big fight where he almost lost me. And you know what he did after that?"
"No, what?" I asked, now curious and earnest.
"He did everything to make sure I knew exactly how strongly he felt about me. Strong enough that we could go through whatever life had to throw at us together and still come out on the other side loving each other." She paused, and the words sank in. "Is that how you feel about Lexi?"
Lexi meant everything to me. She’d changed my life so much. She'd changed me .
"Yes," I said without hesitation.
"Good. Then make it clear to her in no uncertain terms. I don't know what youngsters these days do that counts as big gestures. I’m old as dirt, so my ideas won’t be any good.
I suggest you come up with something quickly.
Make sure it’s romantic, because romance never goes out of fashion.
And I'll have one of those waffles too.”
"Yes, ma'am."
Lexi
Usually, I was in a good mood when I was working on crafts, but today, that wasn’t the case.
I was working on the hand-painted decorations I’d promised Paisley for her birthday.
I’d started yesterday after leaving Tate’s house, and today I jumped on them early in the morning.
I only had until eight o’clock; then I was picking up Paisley’s birthday dress from Macy’s.
I sniffled and then shook my head, mad at myself. I didn't want to be sad. I loved that girl. I loved Tate too. And I really, really hoped he would love me too, that he would believe in us, but clearly, he didn't. And now I was at a loss as to what to do.
My phone rang, and I had to do a double take when I looked at the number. It was Reese.
Oh my God. Did something happen to Tate or Paisley?
I dropped the heart I'd been working on for the past half hour to answer the phone.
“Reese, hi! Is something wrong?”
“No, of course not.”
I pressed a palm to my chest to calm my racing heart. “You scared me. Umm… why are you calling?”
“Just wanted to let you know that I dropped by Macy’s and picked up Paisley’s dress so you can take that off your to-do list for the party.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks.”
I pouted, taking in a deep breath. I’d been looking forward to picking up the dress. It gave me something to do since it was a Saturday.
“What are you doing now?” she asked in a chipper voice.
“I’m painting the fairy-themed decorations for the oak tree.”
“Want company? I’ve been told I’m excellent with heartbreak.”
My heart skipped a beat. What does she know? I opened my mouth to ask, then decided against it. I didn’t want any details.
“Thanks, but it’s not necessary. I’m going to finish the decorations today.”
“Hmmm, if you change your mind, call, okay?”
“Sure. Thanks, Reese.”
“You’re welcome.”
After hanging up, I picked up the heart I’d dropped, inspecting it for any damage. It was made of glass, but it seemed intact. Thank goodness. I was painting stars on it, and I’d only managed four so far. I still had ten to go.
The next two hours flew by. I finished three pine cones I’d sprayed gold and silver and painted five glass ornaments. My neck was stiff, and my back was hurting from sitting in the wrong position. I needed a break.
Rising to my feet, I grabbed my phone, pacing the living room. I’d put it on airplane mode so I wouldn’t be distracted. To my astonishment, I had three missed calls from Tyler.
Holy shit! I stopped in my tracks, feeling like my heart was about to jump through my rib cage. I called him right back. Something bad happened. I was sure of it.
“Finally,” he said instead of hello.
“Hey. What happened? Is someone hurt?” I asked, almost breathless.
“No, why would you think that?”
“You called me three times.”
"Yeah, that’s because I need some advice.
I want to take my woman to a super-romantic place to surprise her.
Paisley told me you took her to a clearing that she loved, but she can’t remember how to get there.
" His voice sounded a bit off, but I couldn't quite understand why.
Maybe the idea of doing something romantic scared him.
And even though my heart was heavy, that romantic streak flared up.
“Yes, it’s amazing. I think I can grab a snapshot on Google Maps and send it to you. I'm not sure, though, because I don't know if all the trails are on it. I stumbled upon it by mistake."
"If it's not too much trouble, could you show it to me? I have lots of time right now. I have to fill it up somehow."
I was sad for him. It was a good thing that he was in a new relationship because he could at least draw some positive aspects from that and not think all the time about his accident and his career.
“You want us to go there?” I glanced at the crafts table. I still had three glass ornaments to paint. "When?"
“Tonight?”
“You know, it’s funny. I was supposed to pick up Paisley’s dress tonight, but Reese already did it, so I’m free.”
“Cool. Nine o’clock?”