Chapter 35
Sitting on the Aircoach, she scanned her messages.
Mam:
Hi, hope you’d a super time.
Crikey, if only she knew.
Ramona:
Hey, ya, be back at the end of this week, or maybe the next. Still China time. Awesome trip.
Nothing from Finn.
She tried to stifle her disappointment by shoving the phone in her bag and looking out the window at the all-too-familiar scenery, but there was nothing familiar about it anymore. This time she was looking at it as a pregnant woman. The world was transformed. She was carrying this huge secret but had no one to share it with.
What was it about late Sunday afternoon that was so bloody depressing?
There was nobody she felt like contacting, nothing else to do when she got in, so Cassie climbed into bed while the starling colony still chattered away while holding what sounded like a birdie barbecue in the tree outside. Tears rolled down her face. She should feel euphoric, lucky, but right now all she could feel was scared and very, very lonely.
*?*?*
She had discovered that anything with a high-fat content seemed to help her morning sickness so the next morning she grabbed a strawberry milkshake and a croissant in the deli. All of a sudden, Marisha’s attacks of the vapours made sense. If the poor woman was feeling anything like herself, she could offer nothing but sympathy.
Marisha was already at her desk when Cassie trailed in, and she was looking a little perkier than previously. Could that be an indication that this ghastly nausea would ease up after a few weeks? She eyed Cassie finishing her milkshake but made no comment.
The week passed slowly. Thankfully, the children had finished their coursework so all there was to do was fun activities like painting and sports day, where she could stand holding one end of a rope for the morning, an activity which didn’t require too much initiative.
Finally, the last Friday crawled by and at twelve thirty they waved the wildly excited children off for the summer holidays, and heaved a sigh of relief as the last pair of feet scampered off down the corridor, leaving a few stray bits of paper floating in their wake.
All that was left to do was tidy around and meet the rest of the staff for lunch in the local pub. As if that was going to happen. She became aware of Marisha watching her closely. Cassie was conscious of moving very slowly.
‘You are, aren’t you?’
‘Sorry?’
Marisha gave her a weary look. Should she deny it? She actually felt relieved.
‘Yes, I am.’
‘And I’m guessing I know whose it is?’
Cassie nodded. She simply hadn’t the energy to think up anything more creative than the truth.
‘Sit down.’ Marisha pulled over chairs for both of them, and Cassie sank onto one gratefully, regardless of what was going to be said.
‘He doesn’t know yet, does he?’
Cassie shook her head.
‘To be honest, he ended it with me,’ said Cassie miserably.
Marisha nodded. ‘Yes, and I think I know why.’
There was a lot that Cassie was sorely tempted to say but she only had enough energy to keep her trap shut.
‘Well, he’s a bloody fool, he should know a good thing when he sees one.’
Really? She hadn’t seen that one coming.
‘Let me explain something. My ex-husband’s mother was a selfish cow. Mine, on the other hand .?.?. was just hard to please. But anyway, he always says his parents were lovely, but that’s rubbish, they vanished off to live in Spain the week he did his Leaving Certificate and never came back. And believe me, they couldn’t wait to go.’
OK .?.?. this was news.
‘I’ll be honest with you, Cassie, because it’s something I recognised very early in my marriage. We made a huge mistake. I should’ve been with a guy like Roger, who’s decisive and together, and Finn would’ve been happy with someone like you, who wouldn’t have tried to boss him around. Honestly, I was only trying to organise him, but that’s for another day. The point I’m trying to make is that, in spite of himself, he’s vulnerable to women who dominate him, and that includes my older daughter.’
‘But he needs to face her himself.’
‘Of course he does. But he won’t, he’s got this mortal fear of abandonment. Sure, even the dog’s picked it up from him.’
‘Marisha, I really appreciate you telling me all this, but I’m not sure what good it’ll do.’
‘Leave it with me.’
With that, she picked up her beige Ugg cardigan. ‘Best of luck, Cassie, you deserve it,’ she said and swept out the door towards where Roger Newcombe was loitering around his maroon Volvo. How was it that Marisha could be so awful in some ways and inexplicably generous in others? People really were the weirdest set of contradictions.
*?*?*
‘You have got to look at this catalogue. It’s sick,’ Ramona bellowed, barely in the door on Saturday morning, before tearing open her case and pulling out brochures and fabric samples until the floor looked like a landfill site. ‘I bought you perfume from the duty free!’ she projected.
‘Got you perfume too. Only, don’t bring it near me.’
Ramona eyeballed her for a second, but then got distracted and produced a stunning top constructed from leather and metal from the bottom of her case.
Cassie felt guilty for holding back her secret, but she just wasn’t ready to share the news with anyone else. Equally, Ramona was so tied up with her own excitement that they spent the rest of the morning going through her new collection, which seemed to have been assembled at breakneck speed and to exactly reflect her vision. Ramona, she had to admit, could really get shit done.
‘Go to China if you want something done fast and right. This isn’t a sweatshop deal, by the way. This is high-end. The launch is gonna be June next year. Hey, I totally forgot, how’d the audition go?’
‘Great, thanks, it actually went great.’
‘Any news yet?’
That was the least of her worries at the moment, but as the days had turned into a week, euphoria was starting to give way to disappointment. She shook her head.
‘Fuck it, come and work for me.’
‘You know what, I just might.’